Note: We decided to just put all the entries together and move Akuma's Miscarriage down...
1.
TITLE
Dante’s Entry
2.
SETTING
Rook Manor
3. (date and time redacted)
4.
a. enter DANTE
b. pan up his
body
5.
SIGYN
*gasps*
But you're—
6.
ROSEMARY glares at Dante
You're the
only case where the baby died and the afterbirth lived.
7.
EVRYN
Dude, you
hooked up with DREPANON. I don't think you have room to talk.
8.
DREPANON
Hey! I
feel PERSONALLY attacked, here!
9.
EVRYN
GOOD
BECAUSE I WILL LITERALLY FIGHT YOU.
10. ROSEMARY
I should
say, "second-to-only case." I just remembered. I have a son.
11. OVD
...
12. EVRYN
What is
it, OVD? Did Timmy fall down the well again?
13. OVD
No, you dunce, I'm waiting to
see if the studio gets, as Corri would say, "de-storyed."
14. EVRYN,
wearing a Dunce cap
Oh, okay
then.
15. OVD
Seeing as how we're still
intact, I think I'll keep it that way. No-one is to explain Rosemary's comment.
That means you, Reiya, and you too, Ahrry.
16. SERLEINA
YEAH, GUYS,
SPOILER-NO-SPOILING!
17. REIYA AND
AHRRY
Awww
maaaaaaaaaan.
18. OVD
Epiphany, do you remember
everything I told you that you may not do to your fellow castmates?
19. EPIPHANY
[Yes?]
20. OVD
You may do them to Dante.
21.
EPIPHANY squees
22. OVD
The same goes for you, Evryn.
23. EVRYN
*squees*
Fuck yes!
Thank you, OVD! Thank you!
24. DANTE
a) While I
can say I never thought much of this man who claims to be a god I must say I
owe him greatly.
b) I only wish
he had chosen another child to be a gift to his friend instead of my niece.
25. TOKIOMI
I—wow.
That's pretty, um... different.
26. SERLEINA
I know. This show sure
took a turn for the douche.
27. EPIPHANY
[Standard complaint about Corri's thing for slavery goes
here.]
28. EVRYN
Corri, we
would all appreciate it if you would use BOTH hands to type your characters’
lines. BOTH hands. And I know they're your sock puppets, but that's no
excuse to turn them all into slaves.
29. SIGYN
~Fooooor
the douche, for the douche, for the motherfucking douche, thought it was a
perfect party, now it's just another Bacardi~
30. SERLEINA
THAT'S NOT HOW THE SONG
GOES.
31. SIGYN
TOO BAD.
32. DANTE
The first
female child to live in over a hundred years and he picks her to make up for
his mistakes.
33. EVRYN
Wait, so
that means Akuma's mum was over a hundred years old when she had Akuma. Wow.
Dinogenetics must be really advanced in Remirum.
34. EPIPHANY
[ If they live to be stupid-thousand years old, it makes
some degree of sense.]
35. DANTE
He had
been checking the children he had helped the women bear using his powers to
make them fertile.
36. EPIPHANY
[By "powers", does he mean his dick?]
37. EVRYN
Well, the
real Maheone is a fertility god, but since we're obviously talking about
someone else, I'd say you're probably right.
38. DANTE
That’s not
funny!
39. ROSEMARY
If you
can't laugh at yourself, I will gladly do it for you.
40. ROSEMARY points at Dante and laughs loudly.
41. DANTE
a. The most
children we have ever had born at one time.
b. His gift
is amazing but I digress.
c. I was
standing just inside the doorway of my Dark Heart Keep with my angel resting in
my arms.
42. ROSEMARY
When was
the last time you managed a relevant conversation?
43. EPIPHANY
[He's never been relevant.]
44. DANTE
Torin and
I have decided that her mother is unfit to raise Akumano in her already weak
state.
45. ROSEMARY
I’m better
than you in every way.
46. EPIPHANY
[Well, duh.]
[ I also sense that lack of agency runs in Akuma’s family.]
[And this idiot can't keep his tenses straight.]
47. EVRYN
His
narrative sounds even stupider than the Corri Sues' usual wangst-ridden
monologues.
48. DANTE
In truth
if it hadn't been for that "Maharus" as he calls himself she would
have died in the birth.
49. ROSEMARY
Why are
you babbling?
50. EPIPHANY
[ It's presumably in his contract.]
[And I hate faker!Maheone even more now]
51. OVD
Contract? What contract?
52. EPIPHANY
[He doesn't have a contract?]
53. OVD
No, he's only here to provide
asinine, stilted exposition.
54. MARIGOLD,
whining
But OVD,
you said that would be MY job in the third season!
55. OVD
SHUT UP, MAGENTA STILTED
EXPOSITION.
56. TOKIOMI
Wait,
WHAT?!
57. OVD
SPOILERS! SELF-FACE-PUNCH! Ow,
that hurt.
58. SERLEINA
Wow, I'm glad he
doesn't punch us in the face when we spoil things.
59. AHRRY
I BET HE
WANTS TO, THOUGH! BUT HE CAN'T, BECAUSE HE'S UP THERE AND WE'RE DOWN HERE!
60. OVD
If he had a contract I wouldn't
allow you to do everything you're not allowed to do to your fellow castmates,
to him.
61. EPIPHANY
[Is he technically trespassing?]
62. OVD
Corri did write his lines and
send him here, so legally no. Why?
63. EPIPHANY
[Oh, I was just thinking about calling a guy I know.]
64. OVD
How soon can he get here?
65. EPIPHANY
[Probably three-to-five minutes if he turns the siren on.]
66. OVD
Call him after Rosemary's last
line.
67. EPIPHANY
[Will do.]
68. DANTE
a) The cord
had wrapped around her neck and had choked her coming out and yet he pushed
some of his energy into her and saved her.
b) For that I
do owe him, him being a god and all but not at the expense of my only niece.
c) It's a
high price he asks.
69. ROSEMARY
Calling
you dull is a compliment to you.
70. EPIPHANY
[I've seen super-matte-finish sealer shinier than him]
71. EVRYN
If we grab
some tin foil, will he become distracted and stop talking?
72. EPIPHANY
[Let's find out!]
73.
EPIPHANY pulls a piece of crinkled tin foil out of
her pocket
74. DANTE gets
distracted and reaches for the tin foil
So...
shiny...
75. EVRYN
Called it!
76. TIN FOIL
grows an eyeball & scowls at Dante
Hey! Don't
make me come over there!
77. DANTE,
with grabby hands
a) Yet again
I shy away from the true purpose of me saying this.
b) As he searched
through the children it became obvious he was getting mildly frustrated.
78. EVRYN
Wait, do
you mean sexually frustrated? Because that’s fucking sick, yo.
79.
A roll of tin foil with eyes rolls in, red-carpet
style
80. DANTE, *_*
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiny...
so shiny...
81. EPIPHANY
smiles
[Hi, Stanny!]
82. STANNY
Hi, Epi!
Is the camera getting my good side?
83. OVD
Yes, yes it is.
84. DANTE
That was
when my angel let out several harsh coughs, once more reminding me that she
must come first now.
85. OREGANO
Stop
wasting oxygen and die already.
86. STANNY
looks sad
Poor
Betty. . .
87. EVRYN
Who's
Betty?
88. EPIPHANY
[Betty was his girlfriend. Oxygen elemental. She got
killed last week in a breathe-and-run.]
89. DANTE
I was
looking down at her, trying to calm her, as I headed deeper into my Keep when I
felt his hand on my shoulder.
90. STANNY
sprouts angry eyebrows
Wait. . .
I recognize you. . . MURDERER!
91. SKYE
"May
I?"
92. DANTE
Seeing
Skye in the doorway of our room I motioned him over and passed my angel off to
him and he took her into the room.
93. ROSEMARY
You only
have one bad habit- breathing!
94. STANNY starts crying the shiniest tears, then
rears up and starts beating Dante
95. EVRYN and
OVD
FIGHT!
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
96. DANTE
Now that
she was safe I turned and without trying my ebony wings came out and I sent a
small blast of energy at him.
97. ROSEMARY
You have
the appeal of a moldy sweat sock.
98. EPIPHANY
[And the brains of one, too]
99. EVRYN
At least a
moldy sweat sock supports life—specifically that of mold—instead of, y'know,
killing it.
100. STANNY, still
beating Dante
SHE HAD
HER WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF HER!
101. DANTE
growls
"I
don't know what you are playing at but my angel is not going to be some object
to be given away when you feel like it."
102. MAHEONE
"I am
sorry if you feel that way,"
103. DANTE
—he said,
those damn silver eyes shining with something close to amusement.
104. STANNY,
still beating Dante
I am made
of TIN, and this is a look of HATRED!
105. EVRYN, to
Epiphany, quietly
Should I
tell him that Douche-te's talking about Fake!Maheone's grey eyes and not Stanny's
tin-foil ones?
106. CIN
Let's just
enjoy the moment.
107. EPIPHANY
[What she said]
108.
CIN holds
out popcorn for Evryn and a popcorn-scented air freshener for Epiphany
109. DREPANON
Where's MY
snack?!
110. SIGYN,
hopefully
'gyngyn
for din-din?
111. TOKIOMI
NO.
112. CINNAMON
Relax, I
brought you trail mix.
113.
DREPANON
sniffs the trail mix dubiously
114. ROSEMARY,
to Dante
Tell me
all about yourself. I adore horror stories.
115. EPIPHANY
[Dante (presumably) Enzeru: A Medical Horror Story.]
116. MAHEONE
"However, she is only here because of me twice over.
It sounds like she is sick.
I want to help."
117. DANTE
"She
is sick, you fool," I spat and made a note at the flinch when I called him
a fool.
118. ROSEMARY
You have a
lot of funny lines - too bad they're all in your face.
119. EPIPHANY
[The unfunny ones seem to be all falling out]
120. CIN
Can I
punch him in his face-hole?
121. OVD
By
all means.
122. CIN
Yay!
123.
CIN walks
up to Dante and punches him as hard as she can
124. STANNY
FOR
JUSTICE!
125. ROSEMARY
Now that
was funny.
126. MAHEONE
"But
she was healthy when I last checked on her."
127. DANTE
"That
was before her mother decided she wasn't worth raisins.
128. EVRYN
But was
she worth grapes?
129. DANTE
RAISING!
130. EVRYN
Raising
what?
131. JEPH
[Apparently raisins.]
132.
DANTE
stamps his foot
133. DANTE
That’s the LIIIIIIIIINE!
134. ROSEMARY
Hold still,
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
135. DANTE
Her father,
Torin, my bondmate Skye, her brother Drakenfear, and myself have decided that
her safety shall be in our hands alone.
136. ROSEMARY
You have
mastered the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing
unsaid.
137. EPIPHANY
[That describes Corri's lack of writing skills rather
well, actually.]
138. DANTE
a) It's
normally not done but in this case she is..."
b) I
hesitated, not knowing if I had a word he could understand in this tongue.
139. MAHEONE
"She
is special and rarer than any gem and worth more than any precious metal.
Am I right?"
140. EPIPHANY
[You are, in fact, the opposite of right.]
141. EVRYN
I hate how
Douche-te's trying to make it sound like Maheone made it sound like everyone
thinks Akuma's a sparkly special magical angel instead of an irritating
weeaboo.
142. DANTE
"Yes,"
I answered.
143. ROSEMARY
yawns, says sarcastically:
Keep
talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.
144. DANTE
It was all
I could say.
145. ROSEMARY
You have a
mighty mind - it's mighty useless!
146. EPIPHANY
[+1]
147. MAHEONE
"Then
trust that I will see that she is well cared for. Please,"
148. DANTE
a) —he said
and placed both hands on my shoulders.
b) I was
tempted to turn and punch him, but at the sound of Skye's worried voice I led
him into my private rooms.
149. ROSEMARY
For a
minute I didn't recognize you. It was the most enjoyable minute I ever spent.
150. EPIPHANY
[Are you reading these out of a book?]
151. ROSEMARY
I could
say yes, but I just hate him.
152. TOKIOMI
You hate
*him* more than you hate *Drepanon*? How is that possible?!
153. EPIPHANY
[Rosemary's watching a different show than we are,
remember?]
154. ROSEMARY
Dante is
obnoxious in any continuity. Drepanon is somewhat more tolerable. SOMEWHAT.
155. DANTE
Skye was
holding her but her coughing didn't seem to be stopping.
156. ROSEMARY
I hope
you've just started your day; otherwise, you're leading a pretty boring life
right now.
157. DANTE
He went
over and took her and examined her for several minutes.
158. EPIPHANY
[During which the lack of oxygen caused irreversible brain
damage.]
159. EVRYN
That
explains SO MUCH.
160. EPIPHANY
[UNFORTUNATELY.]
161. DANTE
When he
was done, the coughing had stopped and she wasn't feverish at all like she had
been for the past several weeks.
162. MAHEONE
"There. Normally this job belongs to a friend of mine but I
doubt that he would mind if I infringed a bit.
Would you mind if I took a look at her wings?"
163. DANTE
a) I was
going to say no.
b) But for
some reason I couldn't bring myself to do it.
c) All I
could see was the smile on her face now that the fever and cough were gone.
164. OREGANO
You should
go die in a fire. I mean, seriously, who the fuck lets a small child go
feverish and coughing for weeks?!
165. EVRYN
flicks lighter
I happen
to have portable fire with me!
166. EVRYN
lights Dante’s jacket on fire
167. DANTE, on
fire (HAVE FUN, WALES)
I guess I
owed him yet again.
168. ROSEMARY
Hi
dipstick. I see life has treated you pretty poorly for you to look like that.
169. EVRYN
He's
literally on fire right now.
170. ROSEMARY
I know.
The fire is an improvement.
171. DANTE
He took my
silence as a yes and undid her robes and, using the first two fingers of his
right hand—
172. TOKIOMI
I don't
know if I want to hear this.
173. DANTE
a. —tapped
the center of her chest with just enough force to trigger her wings.
b. Whatever
he was expecting, I don't think seeing clear wings was it.
174. SERLEINA
Your mama is so stupid she
heard it was chilly outside and ran out with a bowl.
175. REIYA
No, that's
MY mom.
176. DANTE
a. It was not
common for this to happen, but wasn't rare either.
b. He just
looked up at me for an explanation while Skye made tea and a type of rice cake
that the maharus had come to like.
177. ROSEMARY
You’re
kinda stupid, aren't you? Or at least your mom is for having you in the first
place.
178. OVD
You know, Rosemary, the same
thing could be said about you and your son. AGAIN, NO-ONE EXPLAIN THAT.
179. DREPANON,
under his breath
He's not
wrong.
180. DANTE
a) "It's
normal for a child to be born with colorless wings sometimes.
b) It means
they are to bond with one of the sacred animals."
181. TOKIOMI
Yuck.
182. DANTE
His
expression went from curiosity to shock in a matter of minutes.
183. OREGANO
You stupid
little fuckbot. Can we not talk about this?
184. EPIPHANY
[Seriously. Bestiality is gross.]
185. REIYA
Let's talk
about how slow Corri's version of Maheone is if it took "minutes" for
his expression to turn shocked after Dante mentioned baby!Akuma having sex with
an animal.
186. TOKIOMI,
visibly green
Can we
just move on? Please?
187. DANTE
He held
her up and looked at her and she let out a giggle.
188. EVRYN
Thankfully,
Baby Akuma couldn't understand what was going on, or else she'd be crying—rightfully
so, this time—instead of giggling.
189. EPIPHANY
[That explains why she makes Akuma noises now.]
190. DREPANON
It doesn't
matter why she's noisy and whiny, I just wish she would stop.
191. EVRYN
Well,
yeah, we feel that way, too. Akuma's irritatin'.
192. CIN
I mean,
you could try to have a LITTLE sympathy.
193. EVRYN
Yeah, I
tried that once. Then I heard her speak. That kinda put an end to that. Not so
much her whiny voice, but more the words she says with it.
194. DREPANON
Hear,
hear.
195. TOKIOMI,
horrified
You're
both TERRIBLE PEOPLE.
196. EVRYN
Caught
onto that, have you?
197. TOKIOMI
I knew
Drepanon was awful, but goodness gracious, I had some faith in YOU.
198. EVRYN
I'd make a
joke about your mum naming you aptly, but I'm pretty sure Fate/Zero hadn't come
out yet when you were born.
199. TOKIOMI,
offended
My dearly
departed mother had the Sight. She could always tell me when someone was bad
news... of course, I grew overly reliant on her guidance. I admit that now.
200. DANTE
a) He sat her
back down in his lap again and let out a pulse of something.
b) A few
minutes later one of the tigers he brought came in.
c) It was the
leader, Shehera he called her.
201. MAHEONE
"What do you think?
Is she good enough for him or do I need to try again to make him forgive
me?"
202. DANTE
The tiger
sniffed her and I so wanted to kill that bastard at the moment. OVD, I can’t do
this! Help me!
203. OVD
Do it or you’re fired, even
though I didn’t technically hire you.
204. ROSEMARY
Good job,
you just told off a shoe... you really have no life do you?
205. OVD
How would YOU like to be—wait,
what kind of shoe?
206. ROSEMARY
The
stinky, dog-poo-covered kind.
207. OVD
Then, you’re right, I have no
life, for I just told off a stinky, dog-poo-covered shoe.
208. DANTE
But as the
tiger got closer her wings began to take color.
209. SERLEINA
Your mama is so short she
did a suicide jump off the curb.
210. EVRYN
I got
one. Your mum was so stupid she lost a spelling bee to an actual bee.
211. EPIPHANY
[Buzz-zing!]
212. DANTE
They were
beautiful silver, almost matching the color of the god's eyes.
213. SERLEINA
Your mama is so fat that
when God said let there be light he told her to move her fat ass out of the
way.
214. REIYA
I'm
beginning to think Dante could be my long-lost brother.
215. SERLEINA
I can't wait till you have
kids, Reiya. Seriously. I can't wait.
216. REIYA
Aww, you
think I'll make a good mom?
217. SERLEINA
You'll be a good source of
entertainment.
218. DANTE
My angel
reached out for the cat, laughing and smiling. Wait, is the angel
laughing and smiling or the cat?
219. EVRYN
I know Corri’s
grammatically ambiguous, but REALLY? You have to ask?
220. DANTE
What’s
that supposed to mean?
221. OVD
JUST READ THE LINE, DANTE!
222. DANTE
But I don’t
understand!
223. OVD
You don’t understand shit, and that’s
normal for you.
224. DANTE
I’m so
confused right now.
225. ROSEMARY
Am I not nice?
You'd understand if you listened to yourself.
226. DANTE
a) He himself
was also smiling.
b) "It's
her you intend to give, isn't it?" I asked.
c) There must
have been something in the way I asked it because the smile dropped instantly
and he turned to look at me.
227. OREGANO
You're so
fucked you were playing with yourself in your fat mom's womb
228. DANTE
Wait, why
did you give her permission to say that? I’m actually offended by that!
229. OVD
READ. THE. LINE, DANTE!
230. DANTE
He sat my
angel down on the floor where she made her way over to the tiger and began to
play with the thing's tail like it was a toy.
231. OREGANO
Your
conception was a medical miracle: your dad got pregnant when your mum fucked
him with a strap-on.
232. EVRYN
That would
explain why the baby died and the afterbirth lived, actually.
233. LENA
I'm not
sure who I'm supposed to be the most offended by in this episode. Just for the
record, guys and non-guys.
234. EPIPHANY
[It's okay. We don't care.]
235. LENA
Epiphany.
I am the most offended by Epiphany.
236. EPIPHANY,
grinning
[Glad I could help you make up your mind.]
237. DANTE
I felt my
anger grow.
238. EVRYN
Is “anger”
code for “cock”?
239. ROSEMARY
You kiss
your mom with that mouth? Or does she not let you kiss her at all?
240. EVRYN
Easy, Ro. I’m
not the enemy here.
241. ROSEMARY
Sorry. I
was on a roll.
242. DREPANON
I could go
for a roll right now.
243. EVRYN
NOBODY
CARES WHAT ENOBY WAS EATING.
244. ROSEMARY
Nice one.
Ron was probably eating bacon.
245. SEI-SEI
DIIIIIIID
SOMEBODY SAY BACON?
246. DREPANON
Over here,
there's some bacon in my trail mix!
247. SEI-SEI
YAY!
248. ROSEMARY
Is it
tactical bacon?
249. CINNAMON
The fuck?
I'm going to ignore that.
250. SIGYN
Congratulations,
you've got the hang of being an Audience member.
251. DANTE
a) He stood
and came over to me and I punched him.
b) Eternal
peace be damned; I was not letting this happen.
c) He looked
up at me from the floor. Wait, how did he get on the floor?
252. OVD
Because you punched him.
253. DANTE
You need
to EXPLAIN these things to me, OVD!
254. OVD
Look, if you have a problem,
take it up with Corri. Until then, READ THE LINE!
255. DANTE
I think I
need a break.
256. SERLEINA
I'LL BREAK YOUR FACE!
257. DANTE
a) He wiped
his mouth clean of the blood I had spilled and stood before me again.
b) I wanted
to hit him again but all I could do was glare.
258. ROSEMARY
I can hit
you again AND glare. Wanna see?
259. EVRYN and
CIN
Yes, yes
we do!
260.
ROSEMARY
glares at Dante and punches him in the crotch
261.
DANTE
doubles over in pain
262.
EVRYN and
CIN each grab a handful of Dante’s hair and pull. EVRYN kicks Dante.
263. STANNY
You know,
you gals are pretty awesome, helping me avenge Betty like this.
264. EVRYN,
ROSEMARY, and CIN, smiling sweetly
It's our
pleasure, Stanny.
265. MAHEONE
"I honestly didn't know it would be her.
However, yes, she is the one I need.
She will return home with me and I will give her to the person for whom
she was intended.
He will love and protect her and since she is my creation I will also
protect her.
Please don't fear for her safety.
My Falcon will take good care of her."
266. OREGANO
The one
with all the candy.
267. DREPANON
Who, me?
Fuck that.
268. CIN
I'd rather
not. She's just a CHILD, DREPANON.
269. DREPANON
NOT what I
meant.
270. CIN
Well,
considering your... origins... one can never be too sure.
271. DANTE
"You
will need to talk to Torin."
272. DREPANON
Ugh,
Torin.
273. DANTE
a) He nodded
and turned back to check on my angel.
b) It was to
my dismay that while we had been fighting she had curled up with the cat and
fallen asleep.
c) The cat
had its tail wrapped around her and its blue eyes were challenging anyone to
even try to come near them.
274. ROSEMARY
I'm going
to go slap God for allowing your mom and dad to conceive you!!!
275. OVD
Once again, you're really not
one t—oh, forget it.
276. ROSEMARY
Everyone
has regrets.
277. EVRYN
I don't.
278. ROSEMARY
Everyone
who isn't Evryn.
279. EVRYN
Curiously
enough, Maheone—the actual Maheone—is the only fertility god on the show. Which
is ironic, considering that he’s never actually been on the show and has, in
fact, been impersonated this whole time.
280. OVD
evryn why.
281. EVRYN
Because
you didn't say I couldn't explain *that*.
282. DANTE
I knew
then that he would keep his word. Where’s my sword for this scene?
283. OVD
YOU HAVE NO SWORD! YOUR JOB IS
VERY FUCKING SIMPLE, YOU LITTLE DIPSHIT! READ THE LINES YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN!
284. DANTE
But I want
a sword!
285. OVD
TOO FUCKING BAD!
286. DANTE
*starts crying*
Why is
everyone being so mean? I feel like you’re TRYING to torture me!
287. OREGANO
When this
show is over I'm gonna shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs
up your butt.
288. EPIPHANY
[That's. . . I actually haven't heard that one before.]
289. EVRYN
Those poor
dogs.
290. MAHEONE
"She
will stay with me until I leave."
291. DANTE
I looked
up sharply at that.
292. AHRRY
I'm trying
to think and your stupid ass is talking gibberish
293. EPIPHANY
[This feels like it happens a lot on this show.]
294. DANTE
a) "You
aren't taking her with you yet?" I asked, a bit shocked.
b) He shook
his head. Wait, does Drepanon shake his head?
295. DREPANON
No! I’m
not even in this part of the script! As OVD says, I haven't even debuted yet!
296. OVD
AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
297.
A bolt of
lightning strikes Dante
298.
DANTE
screams
299. MAHEONE
"No. She
is still a bit too young to be merged with Shehera and I wish to give her after
his Day of Everlast.” I think Dante’s having a seizure. Shouldn’t someone check
on him?
300. OVD
No, no-one cares!
301. MAHEONE
I tried to
sleep with him once, but then he woke up and threw me out of his room.
302. OREGANO
Maybe you
just aren't his type!
303. MAHEONE
By then she will be ready.
Until then I will take care of her.
Besides, I need to give her enough of my blood to change her eye color.
304. EPIPHANY
[What. Why?]
305. OREGANO
My big
boobs like to bounce around uncontrollably while I run.
306. EPIPHANY
[That sounds like a problem with your bra.]
307. EVRYN
Maybe she
should switch to corsets?
308. EPIPHANY
[This is outside my area of expertise.]
309. EVRYN
turns to Rosemary
What do
you think?
310. ROSEMARY
Why should
pandas wear corsets?
311. EPIPHANY
[Was. . . was that a burn?]
312. ROSEMARY
Good idea.
313.
ROSEMARY sets Dante's hair on fire
314. DANTE, now
double-on-fire
"What's
wrong with the blue it is now?" I asked.
315. OREGANO
I'm
surprised you manage to walk down the street without being shot
316. EVRYN
Hey, good
idea!
317.
EVRYN pulls
out a gun and shoots Dante
318. DANTE,
shot
If he was
taking her I wanted to know exactly what was going to happen.
319. OREGANO
You smell,
your hair is stupid and your mother dresses you funny
320. ROSEMARY
Also,
you're double on fire. Like 007, but with fire. And no Bond Girls. Because they
are all wigged out by the bestiality, paedophilia, and your general existence.
321. MAHEONE
"Nothing, really.
However, she'll be able to take power better once she has—” LET GO OF MY
LEG, DANTE!
322. DANTE,
clinging to Maheone’s leg
But I want
to make sweet monkey love to you now, my precious!
323. MAHEONE
GET THIS
CRAZY BUTT MONKEY OFF ME!
324. OVD
*sighs* Just read the line,
Maheone.
325. MAHEONE
“— some of
mine.”
326. DANTE
Some of
your what? Can I have some? I want some of your EVERYTHING!
327. MAHEONE
OVD, why aren’t
you stopping this?!
328. OVD
I like to let the actors go off
the rails sometimes. It's refreshing.
329. MAHEONE
“And since
she will mainly be feeding from me—"
330. DANTE
I WANT TO
FEED FROM YOUR—
331. OVD
Stop interrupting Maheone’s
lines!
332. MAHEONE
“—me being
a maharus, her eye color will more than likely permanently change, though I
admit I am not sure what color they will take."
333.
MAHEONE
picks baby Akuma up
334. MAHEONE (head
& shoulders only)
"I am heading to my rooms and will be there for the next few days with her
should you feel free to visit." OVD, I feel so pedophiliac reading
this!
335. OVD
Talk to Corri about it! I didn’t
write your lines! Just. READ THEM. What else am I paying you for?
336. MAHEONE
Okay,
okay. Where were we?
337. OREGANO
On the
playground was where I spent most of my days.
338. EVRYN
And
apparently rolling around in Neferbelii’s stash!
339. OREGANO
Weed baths
are the most enterprise.
340. ROSEMARY
Speaking
of going off the rails... my sister, ladies and non-ladies.
341. DANTE
Oh,
finally I’m talking again! How long was that wait?
342. OVD
WHAT PART OF “JUST READ YOUR
FUCKING LINES” DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?
343. DANTE
He walked
out, taking my angel and that cat with him. Now I had nothing to satisfy my
sexual urges.
344.
DANTE
reaches for Maheone
345. MAHEONE
No!
346. DANTE
Why NOT?
347. OREGANO
Pull my
finger so I can fart all over your fucking face.
348. DREPANON
What if
he's into that?
349. DANTE
It was
only after he left that I broke down and cried, which scared my bondmate enough
to get my brother Torin.
350. OREGANO
You know
Microsoft? I heard the name was inspired by your micro penis
351. DANTE
DON’T
JUDGE ME!
352. OREGANO
I’m not
judging you. I’m judging your micro penis.
353. DANTE
But I
promise now that I will find out who she is being given to even if it costs me
my life.
354. ROSEMARY
I enjoyed
talking to you - my mind needed a rest.
355. OVD
That was Rosemary’s last line.
Epiphany, please contact that guy you know. PLEASE.
356.
EPIPHANY
texts that guy she knows.
357.
Four minutes
later…
358. ROSEMARY,
gleefully
That was
quick!
359. EVRYN
Yes,
apparently "the guy who killed Betty" was a pretty high-priority
wanted fugitive.
360.
A COP comes
in and drags Dante out by his ankles
361. EVRYN
Go
directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 pounds.
362. CIN
I wish I
could lose 200 lbs.
363. ROSEMARY
That would
put you at -20 lbs. You would cease to exist.
364. CIN
Oh, yeah.
That wouldn’t be as much fun.
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