Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Episode 61b. Caught in a Badfic, part 5 | November 5, 2008 at 10:00 p.m.

1.         11/05/08, 10:00 PM (Caught in a Badfic)

 

2.         [enter DREPANON]

 

3.   OVD

I thought we got rid of you.

 

4.   DREPANON

You got rid of me while you were filming the last bit, sure, but it doesn't take that long to buy out the farmer's market's entire supply of all my favorite foods and then come back.

 

5.   OVD

This is a simultaneous episode!

 

6.   DREPANON

Is it being FILMED simultaneously? No? I didn't think so.

 

7.   DREPANON sits down in the Audience.

 

8.   TOKIOMI

Can you please not?

 

9.   SIGYN

Tokiomi, shut up.

 

10.                  DREPANON, sotto voce

So... you're into orgasm-denial?

 

11.                  SIGYN, blushing

I--

 

12.                  TOKIOMI

She's not answering that! It's none of your business.

 

13.                  CIN

Actually, it kind of is, since she's been propositioning him basically nonstop.

 

14.                  TOKIOMI

She's still 17, I'm still her legal guardian, and *I* am saying that it's not happening.

 

15.                  CIN

I'm, like, super-glad you're not MY guardian, because you're a total killjoy.

 

16.                  SIGYN

He's got this weird thing against Drepanon for some reason. I don't get it. He likes literally everyone else except Drepanon and Meta. He actually thinks Casey Anthony is "just misunderstood" and "probably had a good reason."

 

17.                  CIN

Seriously?

 

18.                  DREPANON

Did I say I was planning to fuck her, Tokiomi?

 

19.                  TOKIOMI

It doesn't matter, because I am not letting that happen while she's still a minor.

 

20.                  DREPANON

Jealous?

 

21.                  TOKIOMI

What the FUCK. Of course not. Though may I point out, your sudden interest in her is very uncharacteristic.

 

22.                  DREPANON

How? I mean, it's not like this is the first time I've thought about her sex life with my son. A girl like her gets close enough and maybe you can't help but imagine how she'd be with you.

 

23.                  REIYA

Yeah, like “If you like my son, I’m twice as fun!” Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

 

24.                  CIN

What the actual—

 

25.                  TOKIOMI

No, some of us don't need to imagine things like that.

 

26.                  DREPANON

You told me as much at the Halloween party.

 

27.                  TOKIOMI

... are you jealous?

 

28.      [enter ILLYBRIUS and ORION]

 

29.                  OVD

Finally!

 

30.                  ILLYBRIUS

Sorry, we just got back from the farmer's market and they were totally cleaned out.

 

31.      [/agequit EPIPHANY]

 

32.             LIGHTS OUT and the following is heard

 

33.             (Orion)

Please.

 

34.             (Illybrius)

Orion, I want you with me. I hate hurting you, I really do, but this seems to be the only way.

 

35.             (Orion)

Please. I feel dizzy. I need to cum. Please.

 

36.             (Illybrius)

And I need you to care for me.

 

37.             (Sigyn)

Ooh, sexual blackmail! I'd take notes if I could see anything.

 

38.             (Drepanon)

Wouldn't work with me.

 

39.             (Tokiomi)

Once again, she's NOT going to be with you.

 

40.             (Orion)

Please...

 

41.              (Illybrius)

Now, you were lying when you said you did. This is your punishment.

 

42.             (Orion)

Pyric... dizzy... need...

 

43.             (Evryn)

Use. Full. Sentences. Full stop. And don't use your bullshit Priapic demonism to get him to let you orgasm. We all know that's just Corri throwing a cheap tantrum.

 

44.             (Illybrius)

Convince me.

 

45.             (Evryn)

Do we really need to convince you that Corri’s throwing a tantrum?

 

46.             (Orion)

Please.

 

47.             (Evryn)

Yeah, that’s not very convincing.

 

48.             (Reiya)

He said the magic word!

 

49.             (Illybrius)

Offer me a good enough price-- and follow through-- and I might let you.

 

50.             (Orion)

I'll never disobey you again, please...

 

51.              (Evryn)

This isn't even about obedience, you dolt.

 

52.             (Marie)

Really? You think we’re gonna buy that?

 

53.             (Illybrius)

How do I know you're not lying about that as well? That you won't forget?

 

54.             (Orion)

Pain... burns... dizzy...

 

55.             (Rosemary)

This is my caring voice.

 

56.             (Illybrius)

You hurt me, now I hurt you. You broke my heart, Orion, and I want you to know that whatever pain you're feeling right now is NOTHING compared to the pain you caused me.

 

57.             (Sigyn)

Okay, I really like him as a character. He's so relatable!

 

58.             (Drepanon)

You would think that.

 

59.             (Sigyn)

Am I wrong?

 

60.             (Drepanon)

...

 

61.              (Sigyn)

Am I?

 

62.             (Orion)

Lee... pyric... can die... please... hurts... chest...

 

63.             (Reiya)

Oh noooo, nobody caaaaaares.

 

64.             (Marie)

His heart can stop if he doesn’t orgasm? That is the stupidest fucking thing.

 

65.             (Evryn)

Literally!

 

66.             (Marie)

I mean, we all know he actually feeds on emotionally abusing people, but his bullshit is … I wouldn’t even call it Grade C bullshit. It’s just so low-quality.

 

67.             (Serleina)

AWWWWW YEAAAAAHHHHH!!! EVINDUB’S DECEIVER OF FOOLS, FOR ALL YOUR QUALITY NEEDS!

 

68.             (Illybrius)

Again, convince me.

 

69.             (Orion)

You're killing me.

 

70.             (Evryn)

No he's not. Corri's just throwing one of her very transparent tantrums.

 

71.              (Illybrius)

Orion, if I let you cum, will you marry me?

 

72.             (Evryn)

Eliciting an engagement under duress should nullify the legality of the marriage, just so you know.

 

73.             (Marie)

That's out of nowhere, too, Illybrius.

 

74.             (Sigyn)

No, it makes sense. He doesn't want Orion to leave him, and he thinks by getting him legally tied to him, then—

...

Well. Some people think that way, anyhow.

 

75.             (Orion)

Pleeeeaaase. No... Akuma. She... no... yes. Please. Please. Yes.

 

76.             (Illybrius)

Now I'm confused.

 

77.             (Marie)

Join the club.

 

78.             (Orion)

Yes. Let me.

 

79.             (Evryn)

No! You’re not allowed to join the club. We are gatekeeping membership. We do that now.

 

80.             (Drepanon)

Is that how you got Meta to agree to let you take our name?

 

81.              (Sigyn)

No, of course not! I asked him if I could, he thought about it for a moment, and he told me I could, but that he might want to talk to you and Nevean first! And then the next week he decided it was okay and that you didn't have to know about me filing the paperwork.

 

82.             (Illybrius)

Very well. You may cum.

 

83.             WHITE TEXT

Illybrius releases Orion's hands and rides him again.

 

84.             (Orion)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

85.             (Illybrius)

I didn't mean to nearly kill you.

 

86.             (Marie)

Thank you for delivering that line with all of the deadpan it deserves.

 

87.             (Illybrius)

You're welcome~

 

88.             (Orion)

Need. Please.

 

89.             (Illybrius)

I told you, you could.

 

90.             (Marie)

What’s keeping Illybrius from walking away from this whiny dipshit and letting him either handle himself or die out of spite?

 

91.              (Sigyn)

What does co-dependency mean to you?

 

92.             (Marie)

Right, okay.

 

93.             (Orion)

Touch me.

 

94.             (Evryn)

How are you not touching if you're fucking? And why is Orion so needy during sex? Seriously?

 

95.             (Sigyn)

Some people prefer a chest-to-chest or chest-to-back connection with their partners, to further the illusion of intimacy.

 

96.             (Marie)

This is Onion we’re talking about. Of course it’s an illusion.

 

97.             (Evryn)

You can say that about any of the Corris, really.

 

98.             (Drepanon)

Interesting choice of words.

 

99.             (Sigyn)

Please. Like YOU'RE capable of emotional intimacy.

 

100.          (Illybrius)

Touch you where?

 

101.           (Orion)

Please, master, need. Hurts. Hard.

 

102.          (Evryn)

That is not an answer to the question.

 

103.          (Marie)

That is not a body part.

 

104.          WHITE TEXT

Illybrius purrs and strokes Orion.

 

105.          (Marie)

Wait I thought they were already doing anal.

 

106.          WHITE TEXT

a.   Orion cums hard.

b.  Illybrius smiles and keeps riding Orion.

 

107.          (Marie)

Does "riding" not mean what I think it means here?

 

108.          (Evryn)

Firstly, thinking about it is a mistake. Secondly, you made me think about it, so thanks for that.

 

109.          WHITE TEXT

a.   Orion is dazed.

b.  Illybrius laughs and kisses Orion's cheek, his neck, his back.

 

110.           OREGANO

~His neck, his back, his--~

 

111.      OVD

ANACHRONISMS!

 

112.           (Orion)

I feel a bit sick.

 

113.           (Marie)

Join the club!

 

114.           (Tokiomi)

We’ve got bracelets!

 

115.           (Evryn)

Oh, so we’re not gatekeeping for this club, I guess!

 

116.           (Illybrius)

...

 

117.           (Orion)

It's fine. And you?

 

118.           (Illybrius)

Still horny as hell. Still heartbroken.

 

119.           (Orion)

I'm sorry.

 

120.          (Evryn)

Your previous dialogue has established that that is a lie.

 

121.           WHITE TEXT

Illybrius grips Orion's sides and digs talons in.

 

122.          (Illybrius)

No you're not.

 

123.          (Orion)

Pain.

 

124.          (Reiya)

Yes, Onion, I think that’s the point.

 

125.          (Serleina)

Wait, you can think?

 

126.          WHITE TEXT

Illybrius rides Orion harder.

 

127.          (Orion)

Ahhh... hurts...

 

128.          (Illybrius)

That's the idea. You hurt me, now I hurt you.

 

129.          (Orion)

Gomen.

 

130.          (Marie)

Aww, the thinks apologizing in a different language is gonna help?

 

131.           (Illybrius)

Like hell.

 

132.          (Orion)

Please...

 

133.          (Illybrius)

What?

 

134.          (Orion)

No more.

 

135.          WHITE TEXT

Illybrius continues.

 

136.          (Illybrius)

You're such a lightweight.

 

137.          (Orion)

No... master, please... master

 

138.          (Serleina)

YOUR PLEAS AND SUPPLICATION MEAN NOTHING! PUNY DEMON!

 

139.          (Marie)

No, really, your dialogue in this scene is so bland and unspecific it's like Corri's just resting her elbow on the keyboard and waiting for Falcon to read her mind.

 

140.          (Illybrius)

Usagi can handle more than you can, and he's human.

 

141.           (Orion)

Well, he's not torn, I can feel it.

 

142.          (Evryn)

You can feel that Usagi isn’t torn?

 

143.          (Orion)

God, it hurts. Pain.

 

144.          (Marie)

We’ve established that that is the point.

 

145.          (Illybrius)

I'll heal the wounds when I'm done.

 

146.          (Orion)

Master.

 

147.          (Illybrius)

What?

 

148.          (Orion)

Hurts...

 

149.          (Evryn)

You don't care about hurting him. Why should he care about hurting you?

 

150.          (Marie)

Signs that two people should not be having sex.

 

151.           (Serleina)

MAYBE FOR YOU, VANILLA!

 

152.          (Désmoda)

You can’t see me, but I’m nodding fervently.

 

153.          (Marie)

Not being into that specifically doesn’t make me vanilla.

 

154.          (Désmoda)

There are many other reasons to consider you boring. I mean, “vanilla”.

 

155.          (Illybrius)

If you're that much of a damn baby, I'll heal you now, but I'm going to keep riding you.

 

156.          (Tokiomi)

If I had a dime.

 

157.                    (Serleina)
Here’s a QUARTER! Call someone who cares!

 

158.          (Orion)

No healing... I'm hard again.

 

159.          (Evryn)

What in the fuckadilly? That’s a really bad reason to not want the tear in your bum to be healed.

 

160.          (Marie)

The complications of a perforated colon are not sexy. But they are potentially life-threatening! Unlike not being able to jizz.

 

161.           (Illybrius)

Too late, it’s healed.

 

162.          (Marie)

HA!

 

163.          (Orion)

Fuck!

 

164.          (Evryn)

Can I ask you a personal question? Why do you want to die of sepsis so badly?

 

165.          (Illybrius)

I can always bite your flesh, make the blood pour out.

 

166.          (Orion)

I am yours, master.

 

167.          (Marie)

That line is such a non-response that it sounds ghostwritten by a bot.

 

168.          ROSEMARY

Bot. Bot. Bot.

 

169.          (Illybrius)

It's so pretty.

 

170.          WHITE TEXT

Illybrius pauses for a second, then rides Orion more slowly, deliberately.

 

171.           (Illybrius)

You'd damn well better be mine.

 

172.          (Orion)

AAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhh. Feels so... gods it... pain.

 

173.          WHITE TEXT

a.   Illybrius chuckles.

b.  Orion whimpers.

c.   Illybrius licks Orion.

d.  Orion moans.

e.   Illybrius buries himself in Orion completely and plays with Orion's cock with his left hand, balls with his right.

 

174.          (Orion)

MASTER!

 

175.          (Illybrius)

I can get Usagi in here to suck you off if you like...

 

176.          (Orion)

If oh god the pleasure... you want. Pain pleasure feels... can't so hard

 

177.          (Usagi)

I'll do it, but I won't like it.

 

178.          (Illybrius)

Yes, you will.

 

179.          (Reiya)

I think The Corri has rubbed off on Illybrius. He’s trying to dictate Usagi’s likes and dislikes.

 

180.          (Suddenly, Falcon!)

a.   Illybrius and Usagi are both Falcon Characters! It’s fine! Also…

b.  {sin-thine-ass-off.png}

 

181.           (Illybrius)

Snowball with me afterwards... I want a taste too.

 

182.          (Orion)

Getting close... masters, please...

 

183.          (Illybrius)

Not yet.

 

184.          WHITE TEXT

Orion whimpers.

 

185.          (Orion)

Please.

 

186.          (Illybrius)

Orion, sweet Orion, why don't you want to be loved? 

 

187.          (Orion)

Demons... don't deserve love...

 

188.          (Lena)

INTERNALIZED SPECIESISM!

 

189.          (Reiya)

This is giving me serious “You don’t understand me, no-one understands me!” vibes.

 

190.          (Orion)

Master, hurts.

 

191.           (Marie)

Orion, stop being a broken record! You are putting zero effort into this dialogue!

 

192.          (Serleina)

OH—OH, I’M SORRY! DO YOU THINK PEOPLE WATCH THIS SHIT BECAUSE WE PUT EFFORT INTO IT? THAT’S ACTUALLY FUNNY! HA! HA, HA!

 

193.          (Marie)

The fact that I can tell that Corri’s phoning it in bothers me.

 

194.          (Illybrius)

Not yet. 69 with Usagi.

 

195.          (Orion)

Please...

 

196.          (Illybrius)

I don't care if you don't deserve love, I love you anyway, and I will continue to love you.

 

197.          (Evryn)

Glug, glug.

 

198.          (Sigyn)

Pass that over here, will you?

 

199.          (Evryn)

*scoff* Pony up first. This stuff isn’t free, you know.

 

200.         (Orion)

I need...

 

201.          WHITE TEXT

a.   Illybrius increases his pace slightly.

b.  Orion screams.

c.   Usagi deepthroats Orion, then pulls back.

 

202.         (Usagi)

I hate you, Illybrius.

 

203.         WHITE TEXT

Orion returns the favor and sucks Usagi hard.

 

204.         (Usagi)

I'm joking, of course.

 

205.         (Reiya)

Somehow I don’t think that’s the case.

 

206.         WHITE TEXT

Orion moans and sucks hard.

 

207.         (Orion)

Please....

 

208.         (Marie)

Oh my God, put some effort into this dialogue. Please…

 

209.         WHITE TEXT

Usagi shudders.

 

210.          (Usagi)

Feels good...

 

211.           (Illybrius)

Wait for Usagi.

 

212.          WHITE TEXT

Orion sucks really hard.

 

213.          (Evryn)

Accurate.

 

214.          (Reiya)

I was just going to say.

 

215.          (Illybrius)

It won't take him long...

 

216.          WHITE TEXT

a.   Illybrius increases his pace again.

b.  Orion nibbles and deepthroats Usagi.

c.   Illybrius bites Orion's neck, extends his fangs, and sucks greedily.

 

217.          (Usagi)

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!

 

218.          WHITE TEXT

Orion pulls back to scream.

 

219.          (Orion)

Please.

 

220.         (Illybrius)

Very well. Usagi, you may cum. Orion, you may cum after you swallow.

 

221.          WHITE TEXT

a.   Usagi cums explosively.

b.  Orion swallows greedily.

 

222.         (Orion)

I'm gonna

 

223.         WHITE TEXT

a.   Usagi sucks harder, encouraging.

b.  Orion cums hard.

 

224.         (Illybrius)

Mmm, good boys.

 

225.         (Orion)

*whimpers. *

 

226.         (Illybrius)

Orion, you won't forget? You did promise to marry me if I let you cum the first time.

 

227.         (Orion)

No.

 

228.         (Evryn)

No, he won’t forget, or no, he won’t marry Illybrius?

 

229.         (Reiya)

Yes.

 

230.         (Illybrius)

Usagi, snowball with me... I want to taste him too.

 

231.          (Usagi)

I hate you so much.

 

232.         WHITE TEXT

Usagi does so.

 

233.         (Illybrius)

Mmm, you taste good.

 

234.    [LIGHTS ON]

 

235.             ORION

Masters...

 

236.             ILLYBRIUS

Hmm?

 

237.             ORION

Tired. Full.

 

238.             ILLYBRIUS

Yes, so am I. Please be here tomorrow. Don't forget.

 

239.             ORION

Hm? Hang on. She's gone.

 

240.             EVRYN

Oh okay then, let’s focus on Akuma now, I fucking guess! I’d say that was a nice reprieve while it lasted, but it really, really wasn’t.

 

241.             ILLYBRIUS

Your promise. Can't hang on. Have to go now. Be back tomorrow, my sweet.

 

242.    [exit ILLYBRIUS]

 

243.             ORION

But Akuma... Very well.

 

244.             SERLEINA

OH MY UNGODS, SHUT THE FUCK-FUCK-FUCK UP ABOUT AKUMA!

 

245.             MARIE

I guess that’s why Corri was phoning it in? I don’t like it, but it makes sense.

 

246.             CIN

Oddly enough, you didn't seem to care so much about Akuma when you were raping her. Were you trying to prove something?

 

247.             EVRYN

You know, Cin, oddly enough, rapists generally don’t care about their victims.

 

248.             CIN

THEN WHY IS HE—AARGLE FUCKING RAARGLE!

 

249.    (Focus on the ficus as the sounds of screaming and breaking stuff are heard)


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