TITLE
Orion's in Trouble, part 3
SETTING
Illybrius’s room
Tue, Nov 11, 2008
[7.01 PM]
ILLYBRIUS
Why did they want to hurt you?
ORION
I escaped them when Ak--
REIYA
THAT DOESN'T ANSWER THE QUESTION!
ORION
--uma summoned me.
DAVOS
Damn it, Akuma! We get you're the main character, but this would have
been so much better if you had not!
ORION
They weren’t happy their slave got away. They
wanted me back. I never thought they would find me.
EPIPHANY
[This is the sound of no-one caring.]
DAVOS
I care. Put it back.
ILLYBRIUS
Drake said that they’re dead now.
ORION
He killed them before… Ferrin could mount me in his
transformed state.
EPIPHANY yawns
[This rape-as-drama subplot really should
have been left on the cutting-room floor.]
OVD
We don't have one of those! Check the board!
Pan to the Plot Board. "No Cutting-Room
Floor" has been added in purple text.
EPIPHANY
[When did you]
REIYA
That explains so much.
EVRYN
Wait, I've got one.
Evryn writes on the Plot Board, under
"Avoidance of Corri's Turnoffs": Direct answers.
ILLYBRIUS
I want them gone forever, with no chance of return.
EVRYN
Wait, do you mean--
ILLYBRIUS
The stupid subplots. I would actually like MORE
direct answers.
DAVOS
Splendid! Moving on!
EPIPHANY
[No chance. Corri’s not going to let you take
away a potential source of getting her characters raped.]
[Even though she can and will just keep on
inventing new ones.]
CREGAN snores
WILLEM
Do you think I could make myself faint if I tried hard enough?
ORMUND
I'll help!
ORION
You need to burn the souls with Inflammare spells.
They… are healing even now. I have to send Drake away.
ILLYBRIUS
Can you perform the spells?
ORION
I have no energy. They blocked everything from me.
EPIPHANY
[But didn't Lee just GIVE
you energy?]
EVRYN
Yes, but either he’s ignoring that fact to cause
more drama, or Corri forgot.
DAVOS
Of course! If it were that easy, we could move on from pitying him and
how victimized he is! Gosh, keep up!
REIYA
🎵CONTINUITY🎵
EVRYN
Ooh, I'll add that, too.
Evryn adds "🎵CONTINUITY🎵" to the Plot Board under "Avoidance of Corri's
Turnoffs."
ILLYBRIUS
Try using the halberd; it was made with my blood
and should therefore work as a conduit for most incendiary spells.
ORION
Drake will have to.
[5 minutes later]
ORION
There. It’s done.
EPIPHANY
[Awww, why did you have to get the
transmitter working again?]
EVRYN
What, the Rapist Transmitter or the New Stock
Character Transmitter?
EPIPHANY looks horrified
[You can transmit those?]
EVRYN
Penryn says they’re a little bit like STDs, like
AIDS and babies.
EPIPHANY still looks horrified
I̵̡̨̛̮̪̦̮͔̮̲̻̝̙̫̊̌ͤ͒̀̏̇̽ͪ̿̏̔͐̕͠͝ f̴̲̝̩̬̱̺̳̠͈͔͆ͭͯͩͯ̎ͬͧ͟͞ͅͅ_̶̩̮͊̀̓̀̌͑̆̑͂ơ̶̷̢̧͚͚̼̩̟̖̜̗̱͚̺̠̗̹̳͈̘̫͚̱̭̻̘̜̔͆̐ͪ̿̈́ͣͧ͆̀ͪ̋̄͂̀͟͡ŕ̶̵̢̨̡̼̦͚̯̻̩̦̮̻͓̠̙̥̼̙̀ͩ͑ͯ͑̋̆ͨ̐͌ͯ̑ͯ̃́̕g̶̷̢̛̛̝̯̮͈̝̼̟͇ͥ̄͊̍̋ͣ͑̓̒ͩͦ͢͞͡ó̷̡̞͉̮̝̗̰̝͔͕͉͈͈̈́̅̐̀͊̓ͨ̈̆̍ͬ̾̉ͬ̍̑̽͘͘t̴̢̹̪̤̫̘͎̬̺͙̊͆̓̇͆ͥ́ͥ̓͒̚͢͝ w̸h̶̢͕̫ͫ̽̄̋̓͜͢a̸͇̗̩͇͔̗͑́̇̈̄ͤ͘͞ͅ_̰͆ͣ̕t̵̼̝̺̤ͨ̀̓̄ͬ̑̉̚͠ ţ̶͔̻̺͓̑̋͗̕ḩ̷̡̡̛̣̩̬̰͈̫͍̳̝̣̣͇̜̺͎̥̘̀̓̽́ͭ͑̔̿̇͆͋̀̀̐̃͟ĭ̧̛̗̤͎̝̠̟̝͇̠͇̟̙̐ͨͭ̎͑͒̒͑ͮͫ͢͠͠_̼͚̥̺̝̺̘̳̻͑́̇͗͆ṣ̷̙̮̬ͮ̄ s̷̴̨̛̠͚͈̫̞͚̯͇͔̬̘̫̥͈̱͐̈́̐̓̑ͧ̊ͩ͋͆ͤ̉̄ͨͫ́ͩ̒̊͋͂̂͡͝͡͠a̵̷̡̛̬̝͉͕͈̪̫̺̳̜̪̻̻̓͂̂̎̉͂̆͂ͩîd̝ ş̶̸̶̸̴̢̝̠͎̭͔̠͉͙̼͕͈̖̦͆̊̒ͮ̊ͦ͗͑͒̎̓̓̌ͣ̚͜_̠͊o̧̮̪̮͇ͩ͆͋ͦͩͧ͛̍̔̉͘͡ j̡͕͇̻͓̻͗ͤ͆͗ͣ̅ͮ͘ủ̶̴̺̬̬͇̈́̏͛̈́͒ͧs̴̛̹̩̺͉̤̹̺̯̬͚̤͖͓͐͆̇ͤ̃͑ͭ̇̔̍ͤ͋ͤ͆ͨͯ̕͘͞t̮̠̼ p̶̵̷̵̧̛̙͍̩̦̝͉̮͌̃̒ͥͦ̔ͮͧͥ̃̈́̑̋̉̈́͂̆͗ͯ͌͟͠͠r̅͡_̸̨̮̟̦̠͖̦̫̞̮̫̽͌̋ͦ̋ͬͥ͐̊ͯ̿͘ḙ̷̠́̈̋_̢̟̠̻͙͖̯̺̪̌̆̏ͥ͌̓͊ͣ͌ͩ́͜͢͝͡t̸̜̝͕̻̩͙̉̾̔̑̏͌̒̽ͦͅe̷̸̶͔͍͔̟͎͎͓̳̹̬̻͆̎̀̒̆̂̈ͨ̀̌ͦ͌͢͟͠͞n̰͍͔̦̐͢ḓ̝̟̩̼̟̰̟̝͖̘͚͉̹̅̾̍ͫ̍̍̑̃̿͘̕͝_̗͋ͯ͒ į̵̶̷̢̩̜̻͇͇͇͇̣̮̦̦̉̊ͬͣ̈́͒͂̿̈͐͌̐͗ͪ̓ͪͭ̋̽̀ͥͬ̿́̏͋͠ͅt̖̞ s̗̝̩̰̩̘̯̣̬̘̠̰̥̯̋͑ͩͬ́ͩͯ̇̕͠͝ͅả͉͙͔͍̦̱̣̟̆̉̋́ͭ͐͛̍͊̿͞y̧͇̲͎̞̐͂̓͆͐͛s͈͈̿̌͌͘ s̸̼̺̭̥ͧͥ̄o̷̶̡͙̙̪̩͚̘̘͚̝͈͌̊͒̆͛̄ͣ̓ͪ̽̎́̑̎͠ͅm̳ȩ̙̠̜̙̠̠̜̬͈͔̱̰̬̽͊̽̾̎ͧͭ̀͒̈͛̾͌͂͂́͘̚t̶̨͓͉͈̖͈͉͇̄ͬ̃͛͊͗͛͟_̸̞̪̦̩̙̘̱̂̀̔̑͂ͯ̿̔̌͜͢͠ḩ̷̴̨̰̺̫̩̱̯̫͍̞̥̜̘̭̻̤̏ͯ͒̂̅ͣ͋̈́̔͌̔̈́ͣ̆̌ͯ̓̑ͧ̕͢͡͝͡ͅi̵̧̲̣͔̙̭̗̗͍̞̲͖ͪ̊̓ͮ̽ͣ͋̚͡ṉ̴̨̛̝̦̙̻̣̬̦̱̳̰̦̤͓͛͌ͨ́̋̔̓͒̎ͨ̑͂̊ͨ͌̂̔̌̂̐ͯ͒͢g̴̴̛̛̛̛̹̯̪̹̝̦̼͚͍̯̙̟̒ͣ̽ͭͪ̿̊͜͢͞ co̤̗͖ͦ̉̃͡_̜͚͚͇̱̣͈͔̱̮̩̣ͧ̄̓̑ͥ̓ͣ̀ͥͮͤͩͨ͟͞͠͝o̢̐ͪ͝_̷̵̧̢͙̣̰͚̼̫̪̟ͬ̃̂̏̉͗͐ͫ̎́̄͛ͧ̀͆̆̐ͣͣ͆ͨ̈͘͟͜͡_̧͟l̶̴̨̖̜̄ͪͪ̒̾ͭ͒͒̾ͨͅ
ILLYBRIUS
I’m relieved that you’re alright, Orion.
EVRYN
Epiphany, however, will never be the same.
ORION
It... you don’t have to worry about me.
ILLYBRIUS
Good.
ORION
I just need… I’m sorry this happened. You have
enough to worry about without my insane former owners coming after me.
DAVOS
Splendid! Never let it happen again!
EPIPHANY
[See, a good writer might be able to actually
use Onion's line to highlight how fucked up his headspace is right now, but
Corri’s just going to drop it like the throwaway line she’s using it as.]
ILLYBRIUS
What is it that you need?
DRAKE
HE NEEDS--
ORION
Ignore Drake.
EPIPHANY
[Can we ignore you, too?]
[Although we all know what Drake was going to
say.]
DAVOS
Can anyone actually finish what they're trying to say? Shut the fuck up,
Orion, since you say nothing useful anyway!
EVRYN
Who are we ignoring? I didn’t hear anything.
ORMUND
Oh shit, something's going on? I don't see shit!
ILLYBRIUS
Orion, please do not deprive yourself of that which
you truly need.
REIYA
A boot to the head!
EVRYN
And one for Jenny and the wimp!
SIGYN
And a fort of boot-to-the-head-flavoured ice cream
built around him so he can stop wasting our time.
OVD
You’re the audience! You get no say in this!
SIGYN
This show has lousy customer service. Don’t you
care about ratings?
ORION
No.
SIGYN
I wasn’t asking you!
OVD
He’s right, though.
ORION
I promised myself I wound do that to you.
EVRYN
Wait, what?
ORION stamps foot
I promised myself I WOULDN’T do that to you!
EVRYN
Well, why didn’t you just say so?
ORION
Besides… they fed me. I’m fine.
GWAYNE
You know, these people always make being kidnapped seem so nice!
ILLYBRIUS
Oh.
EPIPHANY
[But doesn’t that contradict what
shit-for-brains said earlier?]
EVRYN looks around the set.
You’ll have to be a little more specific.
DRAKE
HE’S LYING!
EPIPHANY
[That one.]
ILLYBRIUS
I… I have homework.
EPIPHANY
[And I have to go wash my
hair]
EVRYN
And I have to go water my toaster so it’ll grow
into a triplet.
SIGYN
And I have to go powder my… tampon.
ORION
Damn it, Drake. I will hurt you.
EPIPHANY
[My uncle says it's not
okay to say that to people.]
EVRYN
I agree with him. It’s like you’re always saying:
Show, don’t tell.
SIGYN
MY uncle says it's not okay to actually hurt
people. But I never listen to him.
ORION
It’s fine.
EPIPHANY
[No it isn't!]
DAVOS
No but seriously, is Drake's only purpose to turn this into a drama?
EVRYN
Obviously.
ORMUND
What's a Drake?
ORION
Go. I… can heal myself now.
WILLEM
Why must women be complicated?
EVRYN
Orion's a guy. Sort of.
WILLEM
No.
EVRYN
Fair enough.
LENA
How dare you dictate someone else's gender?
EVRYN
He dares daringly! Moving on.
ILLYBRIUS
Fine. I’ll go.
DRAKE
NO! Illybrius, He’s starving. Can’t you feel it?
ORMUND
Shut UP, Lamb Chop!
ILLYBRIUS
No. He doesn’t want me to feed him.
EVRYN, slowly
This is known as respecting other people’s wishes.
[CUT to CORRI going about her day]
CORRI
IT BURRRRRRRNS!
[CUT back to the Plot Board]
DRAKE
He… He’s blocking you. He’s afraid of hurting you.
EPIPHANY rolls eyes
ILLYBRIUS
Orion, you won’t hurt me.
DRAKE
He was highly upset that you barely fed him last
night and then those two came in and used him for hours and they NEVER fed him
once. In six hours they never fed him. He’s sitting here shaking.
EPIPHANY
[SHOW. DON’T. TELL.]
WILLEM
Drake's ass must be really loose at this point with how much Orion's
hand is stuffed up there.
DAVOS
If only real bitches had a gimp to communicate for them!
ILLYBRIUS
Damn. I wish you all weren’t so fucking humble. You
shouldn’t ever deny yourself what you need.
EVRYN
Hah! If they’re humble, then I’m the President of
the United States.
DRAKE
He’s crying. He… gave you his name last night. I
heard him. I think it’s only fair I tell you what “Orion” means in his tongue.
After those two monsters found him, they only called him “Orion”. Orion means
“Slave”.
ILLYBRIUS
I think it’s a pretty name. In English, it… sounds
like a cookie.
EVRYN
Only because you don’t know how to pronounce
constellations.
DRAKE
To him his name means everything. How do you think
Usagi would feel if you called him slave all the time?
ILLYBRIUS
Actually, the surname I gave him, which is the
Dutch for “pet”--
EPIPHANY zaps Illybrius
ILLYBRIUS
In Drakoste culture, “pet” and “slave” are
synonymous.
EPIPHANY zaps Illybrius
DRAKE
Yes, but you would never keep Usagi pleading for
release for hours on end only to leave him like that while you went and fucked
someone else in front of him would you?
EPIPHANY
[Am I the only one getting the uncomfortable
feeling that Corri has a thing for forced second-hand voyeurism?]
ILLYBRIUS
No.
DAVOS
Definitely a kink with this description.
OVD
Epiphany, you're the one who WROTE that on the Plot
Board three days ago!
EPIPHANY
[ It's the FORCED secondhand voyeurism I'm
complaining about.]
OVD
How about we just...
"Consent" appears in purple print
under "Avoidance of".
CUT to Corri.
CORRI
WHY WON'T THIS TERRIBLE BURNING CEASE?!
Cut back to the set.
OVD
...and call it even?
EPIPHANY
[That works!]
DRAKE
Never mind. You go play with your pet.
EPIPHANY zaps Drake
DRAKE
I’ll feed Orion myself.
REIYA
You mean that you're going to rape him.
DRAKE
Yes, that is to feed.
COMMENTARY groans collectively.
ILLYBRIUS
I love Ori. I love him.
EVRYN takes two shots.
ILLYBRIUS
I want to feed him.
DRAKE
You… are such an ass.
ORMUND
Say it to his face, Orion!
WILLEM
At least his ass isn't destroyed from Orion's fist, I mean…
AHRRY
I'M A FISH! QUACK-QUACK, MOTHERFUCKER!
DRAKE
You can’t feed him. You can’t even stomach his
requests half the time.
ILLYBRIUS
Fuck off. I can feed him.
EPIPHANY
[Are you two seriously having an argument
over who gets to rape the incubus-wannabe?]
ORION
I’m not an incubus! I’m a HIGH GENERAL!
BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
EVRYN
Fine, you’re a general incubus who’s been smoking
Neferbelii’s weed.
DRAKE
Does that mean you are going to step up?
ILLYBRIUS
Meaning?
EPIPHANY
[Will you play out Corri's
violent rape fantasies or not?]
REIYA
I shouldn't be surprised that Drake is shaming
Illybrius for having limits, and yet here we are.
DRAKE
If you aren’t going to take care of him... I’ll
find him someone that can.
EPIPHANY
[So, you're Orion's pimp
now?]
EVRYN
Ooh, Pimp King Daddy Claus is going to be
piiiiissed. Like, American-pissed.
ILLYBRIUS glares
You are going to get the fuck out of my way. Now.
DRAKE
Bullshit.
[exit DRAKE and ORION, enter MAHEONE]
MAHEONE
I have him, Illybrius. Take care of Orion.
EVRYN
Dude, he just exited. Right about the same time you
entered.
EPIPHANY
[So much for not getting
out of Lee's way]
ILLYBRIUS
Who-- what just happened?
DAEMON
Oh please, follow along like a good bitch and stop asking questions!
MAHEONE
You need to ask, my love?
EPIPHANY
[Well, yeah. That was a bullshit transition.]
REIYA
Corri sent out a different Pokémon. DICKACHU, I
CHOOSE YOU!
EVRYN
I think he meant that if Illybrius doesn’t boff
Onion the way Corri wants him to, He’s not allowed to be his husband anymore
and Drake will find him a spouse who’s more willing to do things Corri's way.
ILLYBRIUS
I can guess: Somebody was trying to antagonise me.
EVRYN
Well, yeah, that too.
MAHEONE
I’m going to call attention to the silvery-grey
colour of my eyes for no apparent reason.
ILLYBRIUS
Maybe you should-- Ooh, shiny.
MAHEONE
Hey, cool, it worked!
ILLYBRIUS
Ori-- Kannon... Which does he prefer? I can’t-- I
can’t be distracted right now. I need--to talk to--Ori--
MAHEONE
No, Illybrius. I came to give you an update on
Akuma.
FLUOU
[𝒯𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃: 𝒮𝒽𝓊𝓉 𝓊𝓅 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒪𝓃𝒾𝑜𝓃. 𝒞𝑜𝓇𝓇𝒾 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝑜 𝓅𝒶𝓎 𝒶𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝑜 𝒜𝓀𝓊𝓂𝒶 𝓃𝑜𝓌.]
DAVOS
Oh, finally! The main character!
EVRYN
Your translations are a lot less shitty and a lot
more accurate than Corri’s.
ILLYBRIUS
He needs to be fed.
MAHEONE
Orion is washing up. He’ll be right back.
FLUOU
[𝒯𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃: 𝒮𝒽𝓊𝓉 𝓊𝓅 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒪𝓃𝒾𝑜𝓃. 𝒞𝑜𝓇𝓇𝒾 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝑜 𝓅𝒶𝓎 𝒶𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝑜 𝒜𝓀𝓊𝓂𝒶 𝓃𝑜𝓌.]
ILLYBRIUS
How is she?
MAHEONE
Not well. They… think they might have to rip apart
her soul to correct the damage but that is… far too risky.
EVRYN
Not to mention completely idiotic.
ORMUND
I have whiplash. We can't have tea between the bad news?
CRISTON
No, we are surrounded by MISERY!
EPIPHANY
[My Contrived Peril Sense is tingling.]
ILLYBRIUS
I agree.
REIYA
Hey, mine too, isn't that funny? It tickles!
AHRRY
GAH! TICKLES!
ILLYBRIUS
Is there anything I or our priests can do to help?
MAHEONE
She is able to use both arms now but can’t walk.
Right now… it seems like the best thing we can do is wait another ten years to
see if time will help matters.
EPIPHANY
[>Best thing we can do
is wait another ten years]
[>wait another ten
years]
[>ten years]
ORMUND
Then there is plenty of time for tea!
GWAYNE
And cake!
DAMEON
So sad. Anyway…
EVRYN
Craft service is like ten feet away. Help yourselves.
MAHEONE
I asked about Rohypnol, but the healers said it
wouldn’t work in this situation.
EVRYN
You’re a fucking idiot and nothing like the Maheone
I’ve read about.
ILLYBRIUS
I think something besides waiting ought to be done.
REIYA
But the animators can't draw wheelchairs! We have
no budget because OVD's a cheapskate!
OVD
True, that.
EPIPHANY
[But I have a spider-chair.]
OVD
Which your uncle made and paid for.
AKUMA'S VOICE
Wuhhhh, how come SHE gets to have one and I don't?
OVD
I literally just--
AKUMA NOISES!!!!
ORMUND backhands Akuma
You're interrupting tea! Suffer quietly!
ILLYBRIUS
If all anybody is doing is killing time--on the
other hand, I don’t want her damaged.
AKUMA'S VOICE
MY EGO IS DAMAGED BECAUSE I CAN'T HAVE A
SPIDER-CHAIR!
ILLYBRIUS
WE ALL HAVE PROBLEMS, SHUT UP!
GWAYNE
Oh goodness! Just grab her!
ORMUND grabs Akuma.
GWAYNE shoves a whole
piece of cake into Akuma's mouth.
MAHEONE
Believe me, they are trying, love. They just don’t
want to take a risk that could end up with her being anything less than who she
was when she came here.
EPIPHANY
I̵̡̨̛̮̪̦̮͔̮̲̻̝̙̫̊̌ͤ͒̀̏̇̽ͪ̿̏̔͐̕͠͝ f̴̲̝̩̬̱̺̳̠͈͔͆ͭͯͩͯ̎ͬͧ͟͞ͅͅ_̶̩̮͊̀̓̀̌͑̆̑͂ơ̶̷̢̧͚͚̼̩̟̖̜̗̱͚̺̠̗̹̳͈̘̫͚̱̭̻̘̜̔͆̐ͪ̿̈́ͣͧ͆̀ͪ̋̄͂̀͟͡ŕ̶̵̢̨̡̼̦͚̯̻̩̦̮̻͓̠̙̥̼̙̀ͩ͑ͯ͑̋̆ͨ̐͌ͯ̑ͯ̃́̕g̶̷̢̛̛̝̯̮͈̝̼̟͇ͥ̄͊̍̋ͣ͑̓̒ͩͦ͢͞͡ó̷̡̞͉̮̝̗̰̝͔͕͉͈͈̈́̅̐̀͊̓ͨ̈̆̍ͬ̾̉ͬ̍̑̽͘͘t̴̢̹̪̤̫̘͎̬̺͙̊͆̓̇͆ͥ́ͥ̓͒̚͢͝ w̸h̶̢͕̫ͫ̽̄̋̓͜͢a̸͇̗̩͇͔̗͑́̇̈̄ͤ͘͞ͅ_̰͆ͣ̕t̵̼̝̺̤ͨ̀̓̄ͬ̑̉̚͠ ţ̶͔̻̺͓̑̋͗̕ḩ̷̡̡̛̣̩̬̰͈̫͍̳̝̣̣͇̜̺͎̥̘̀̓̽́ͭ͑̔̿̇͆͋̀̀̐̃͟ĭ̧̛̗̤͎̝̠̟̝͇̠͇̟̙̐ͨͭ̎͑͒̒͑ͮͫ͢͠͠_̼͚̥̺̝̺̘̳̻͑́̇͗͆ṣ̷̙̮̬ͮ̄ s̷̴̨̛̠͚͈̫̞͚̯͇͔̬̘̫̥͈̱͐̈́̐̓̑ͧ̊ͩ͋͆ͤ̉̄ͨͫ́ͩ̒̊͋͂̂͡͝͡͠a̵̷̡̛̬̝͉͕͈̪̫̺̳̜̪̻̻̓͂̂̎̉͂̆͂ͩîd̝ ş̶̸̶̸̴̢̝̠͎̭͔̠͉͙̼͕͈̖̦͆̊̒ͮ̊ͦ͗͑͒̎̓̓̌ͣ̚͜_̠͊o̧̮̪̮͇ͩ͆͋ͦͩͧ͛̍̔̉͘͡ j̡͕͇̻͓̻͗ͤ͆͗ͣ̅ͮ͘ủ̶̴̺̬̬͇̈́̏͛̈́͒ͧs̴̛̹̩̺͉̤̹̺̯̬͚̤͖͓͐͆̇ͤ̃͑ͭ̇̔̍ͤ͋ͤ͆ͨͯ̕͘͞t̮̠̼ p̶̵̷̵̧̛̙͍̩̦̝͉̮͌̃̒ͥͦ̔ͮͧͥ̃̈́̑̋̉̈́͂̆͗ͯ͌͟͠͠r̅͡_̸̨̮̟̦̠͖̦̫̞̮̫̽͌̋ͦ̋ͬͥ͐̊ͯ̿͘ḙ̷̠́̈̋_̢̟̠̻͙͖̯̺̪̌̆̏ͥ͌̓͊ͣ͌ͩ́͜͢͝͡t̸̜̝͕̻̩͙̉̾̔̑̏͌̒̽ͦͅe̷̸̶͔͍͔̟͎͎͓̳̹̬̻͆̎̀̒̆̂̈ͨ̀̌ͦ͌͢͟͠͞n̰͍͔̦̐͢ḓ̝̟̩̼̟̰̟̝͖̘͚͉̹̅̾̍ͫ̍̍̑̃̿͘̕͝_̗͋ͯ͒ į̵̶̷̢̩̜̻͇͇͇͇̣̮̦̦̉̊ͬͣ̈́͒͂̿̈͐͌̐͗ͪ̓ͪͭ̋̽̀ͥͬ̿́̏͋͠ͅt̖̞ s̗̝̩̰̩̘̯̣̬̘̠̰̥̯̋͑ͩͬ́ͩͯ̇̕͠͝ͅả͉͙͔͍̦̱̣̟̆̉̋́ͭ͐͛̍͊̿͞y̧͇̲͎̞̐͂̓͆͐͛s͈͈̿̌͌͘ s̸̼̺̭̥ͧͥ̄o̷̶̡͙̙̪̩͚̘̘͚̝͈͌̊͒̆͛̄ͣ̓ͪ̽̎́̑̎͠ͅm̳ȩ̙̠̜̙̠̠̜̬͈͔̱̰̬̽͊̽̾̎ͧͭ̀͒̈͛̾͌͂͂́͘̚t̶̨͓͉͈̖͈͉͇̄ͬ̃͛͊͗͛͟_̸̞̪̦̩̙̘̱̂̀̔̑͂ͯ̿̔̌͜͢͠ḩ̷̴̨̰̺̫̩̱̯̫͍̞̥̜̘̭̻̤̏ͯ͒̂̅ͣ͋̈́̔͌̔̈́ͣ̆̌ͯ̓̑ͧ̕͢͡͝͡ͅi̵̧̲̣͔̙̭̗̗͍̞̲͖ͪ̊̓ͮ̽ͣ͋̚͡ṉ̴̨̛̝̦̙̻̣̬̦̱̳̰̦̤͓͛͌ͨ́̋̔̓͒̎ͨ̑͂̊ͨ͌̂̔̌̂̐ͯ͒͢g̴̴̛̛̛̛̹̯̪̹̝̦̼͚͍̯̙̟̒ͣ̽ͭͪ̿̊͜͢͞ co̤̗͖ͦ̉̃͡_̜͚͚͇̱̣͈͔̱̮̩̣ͧ̄̓̑ͥ̓ͣ̀ͥͮͤͩͨ͟͞͠͝o̢̐ͪ͝_̷̵̧̢͙̣̰͚̼̫̪̟ͬ̃̂̏̉͗͐ͫ̎́̄͛ͧ̀͆̆̐ͣͣ͆ͨ̈͘͟͜͡_̧͟l̶̴̨̖̜̄ͪͪ̒̾ͭ͒͒̾ͨͅ
AKUMA
ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME????
DAVOS
YOU TWO ARE TOO NICE!
DAVOS grabs a rag to
shove in Akuma's mouth
EPIPHANY
[The wind is awfully loud today.]
XALDIN
[Hey.]
AHRRY
HAY IS FOR ASSES! *rooster noises*
ILLYBRIUS
I wish--I wish Cinnamon hadn’t left all of her
information in California. It would be invaluably useful right now, especially
as I can’t remember anything in the way of spells. I never used them except for
pranks. Do you remember when I hexed you to fall in love with a tree? I think
you rivaled Larlia in sonnet-writing that year.
CINNAMON
Focus…
ILLYBRIUS
Fine. Do you have any other news?
MAHEONE
Sometimes I am amazed at you, Illybrius.
FLUOU
[𝒯𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃: 𝒮𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒾𝓂𝑒𝓈 𝐼’𝓂 𝒶𝓂𝒶𝓏𝑒𝒹 𝒶𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒶𝒷𝒾𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓎 𝓉𝑜 𝒩𝒪𝒯 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓈𝒶𝓎 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝒹𝑜 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒞𝑜𝓇𝓇𝒾 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒶𝓁𝓀 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉.]
AERON
SOMETIMES I THROW UP!
MAHEONE
Anyway, my gift sends her love to you. She was
thrilled to see that I was safe.
ILLYBRIUS
Obviously.
MAHEONE
Your other pet is back from washing, love.
EPIPHANY zaps Maheone
EPIPHANY
[SHOW. DON'T. TELL.]
MAHEONE
I promise that as soon as she is better we will
have a long talk. Now... you need to attend to your husband.
FLUOU
[𝒯𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃: 𝒪𝓀𝒶𝓎. 𝒩𝒪𝒲 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝑔𝑜 𝒷𝒶𝒸𝓀 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒶𝓁𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒪𝓃𝒾𝑜𝓃.]
CINNAMON
By the way, what’s up Drake’s ass?
EPIPHANY
[Corri's arm?]
REIYA
We've already been over that.
EVRYN
As disturbing as that image is, it’s also
shockingly accurate.
ILLYBRIUS
It’s possible that he’s jealous that I’m not.
EVRYN
... Right, maybe I should have said my previous
line after yours. That would have made more sense.
ILLYBRIUS
Yeah, stop stepping all over my cues! It's bad
enough Twenny the chinchilla was chewing on my shoes backstage!
MARIE
And that's where the wheelchair budget went!
WILLEM
Well, at least someone's getting railed in this.
EVRYN
Just wait...
MAHEONE
He... found out that his sister died and blamed
Illybrius and myself.
ILLYBRIUS
That too.
EPIPHANY
[Was he right?]
EVRYN
Probably not. Akuma will look for any excuse to
ragequit life if she doesn’t think she’s getting enough attention.
MAHEONE
Well he won’t bother you anymore tonight. I’m
knocking him out when I leave.
ILLYBRIUS
Thank you. Don’t do any permanent damage. Douven.
EPIPHANY
[ Is Fake!Maheone an anaesthesiologist?]
EVRYN
No, but he stole Désmoda’s frying pan.
ORMUND
I also identify as an anaesthesiologist.
DAEMON
Yes, but if you weren't such a quack, we could move on with life!
DÉSMODA
If I had a dollar for every time I heard that, I could afford a new
frying pan
MAHEONE
I will be back. I promise. Have fun.
[exit MAHEONE, enter ORION]
ILLYBRIUS
Ori...
ORION
Your friend healed me and removed the binding
spell.
ILLYBRIUS
Goo--binding spell?
ORION
Yes.
ILLYBRIUS
My love, do you want to be top or bottom?
FLUOU
[𝒯𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃: 𝒪𝓀𝒶𝓎, 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇. 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓅𝑜𝓇𝓃, 𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉?]
ORION
Not yet please. I still feel them touching me. Can
you… Never mind.
ILLYBRIUS
I will do whatever you need me to.
EPIPHANY
[Could you obstruct his
trachea until he stops moving?]
OVD
No. I didn’t budget for unplanned resurrections and
we need him to continue the show.
ILLYBRIUS
Would you prefer that I call you by your original
name?
ORION
It… doesn’t matter. I will always be what my name
implies.
FLUOU
[𝒯𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃: 𝒞𝑜𝓇𝓇𝒾 𝒸𝒶𝓃'𝓉 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀 𝑜𝒻 𝒶 𝐵𝒜𝒟 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑜𝓃 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝒪𝓃𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝑜 𝒾𝓃𝓈𝒾𝓈𝓉 𝑜𝓃 𝐿𝑒𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓉𝒾𝓃𝓊𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓃𝒶𝓂𝑒 "𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓋𝑒", 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝒶𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓂𝓅𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑒𝓆𝓊𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝒾𝓈 𝓊𝓃𝒶𝒸𝒸𝑒𝓅𝓉𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒.]
EPIPHANY
[And Onion used
"imply" wrong. "Slave" is the DENOTATION of his name, not
the connotation]
ILLYBRIUS
Maybe I should start calling you “sweetmeat”
formally.
ORION
I… would rather you not. Mas--Ferrin always said…
when I could no longer… pleasure him… he would eat me alive.
FLUOU
[𝒯𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃: 𝒩𝒪! 𝒞𝑜𝓇𝓇𝒾 𝒸𝒶𝓃'𝓉 𝑒𝓃𝒿𝑜𝓎 𝒾𝓉 𝓊𝓃𝓁𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒'𝓈 𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝒾𝓃𝓋𝑜𝓁𝓋𝑒𝒹, 𝓈𝑜 𝓈𝓉𝑜𝓅 𝓉𝓇𝓎𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓅𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓅𝑒𝒸𝓉 𝑜𝓇 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓈𝒾𝒹𝑒𝓇𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑜 𝒾𝓉.]
SIGYN
*clears her throat* So, um, what does this Ferrin
look like, any--
ORION
NO.
SIGYN
Also, speaking of Ferrin--
ORION
I SAID, NO!
SIGYN
--that line about him was completely out of--
ORION
NO!!!
SIGYN
--where. Also, Onion, did you just?
ORION
I have no idea what you could be referencing to.
ILLYBRIUS blushes
I understand; however, I’d still like to explain
that “sweetmeat” is a term of endearment, much like “sweetheart,” but naming a
different organ.
EPIPHANY
[Ewwwwwwwww.]
ORION
I understand, I just… I wanted to talk to you
tonight. I wanted you to know me a bit better but then they showed up and…
Again I am talking about things that don’t matter.
EPIPHANY
[You're only JUST noticing
this?]
ILLYBRIUS
It matters. I care about anything you have to
say.
ORION
I’m ready.
FLUOU
[𝒯𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃: 𝒲𝑒 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓃𝑔𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓇𝒶𝒾𝓁𝓈. 𝒩𝒪𝒲.]
SAYIDA, imitating Squidward
SPONGEBOB!!!
ORION
I’ll take bottom since I need to… Unless you would
rather take bottom?
REIYA
But you just said that YOU needed to! Do you not
understand the difference between needs and wants?
EPIPHANY
[Of course he doesn't.]
DAVOS
Just be a good bitch top and enjoy it! Otherwise this isn't happening!
ILLYBRIUS, to Orion
Dolciumi…
ORION
What does that mean?
ILLYBRIUS
I was just thinking aloud. Sorry.
EVRYN
“Dolciumi” means “sweetmeat”, brain trust. In Italian. Since you claim to be from Italy, you should know this.
