1. TITLE
Caught in a
Badfic 3: Kettle Calling
2.
11/05/08 | 8:00 PM
Setting:
Onion’s house
3.
MARIE is facedown in the Pit of Death.
4. EVRYN
Have you faceplanted from the fail?
5. MARIE
Mhm.
6. EVRYN joins her.
7. ILLYBRIUS
WHAT WILL IT DO?
8. EVRYN, from the Pit of Death
Hopefully not get our hair all inky
like the Void.
9. MARIE
It helps us feel better.
10.
ORION
You don't want me to die, right? This
will help.
11.
ILLYBRIUS
"I accept your gift in is truest
form. I will protect and cherish it, for it came from your love for me."
12.
CIN
Guess that's a "no" on the
decoy, then?
13.
ORION
I see now why Maheone made her for
you.
14.
EPIPHANY
[What
the FUCK?!]
15.
ORION
She's amazing.
16.
EPIPHANY
[How
does ANY of this follow from Illybrius finally giving in and letting you write
his lines?]
17.
CIN
HELLO? Can I get an answer?
18.
EVRYN
Dude, wait your turn.
19.
MARIE
You can always join us in the
faceplanting.
20.
CINNAMON dramatically falls into the Pit of
Death with an Akuma noise.
21.
MARIE
See? It's therapeutic!
22.
ORION
Well, I will be back. Tell Miney
thank you. I will come back, Lee. I promise. For now, talk to Akuma. She needs
you.
23.
EVRYN
Did you know that that's really
fucking rude? Ignoring Epi's and Cinnamon's questions, I mean.
24.
ILLYBRIUS
NO! DON'T GO! I don't know for
certain that you will be back!
25.
ORION
I will not die this day. I just need
to go get my body back.
26.
EVRYN
Aren't you *in* your body?
27.
EPIPHANY
[Didn't
Akuma lock him out?]
28.
EVRYN
yeah but then how the fuck is he here
and talking?!
29.
EPIPHANY
[Don't
ask ME!]
30.
ILLYBRIUS
Promise?
31.
ORION
Promise.
32.
EVRYN
Your promises aren't worth pig shit.
33.
ILLYBRIUS
and ORION kiss.
34.
ILLYBRIUS
sniffles.
35.
enter USAGI
36.
ORION
Now talk to her. You just awakened
her power.
37.
EPIPHANY
+ BS reaction
[That
is such bullshit.]
38.
ragequit
ORION
39.
USAGI
I can't see this ending well. Yo.
40.
EPIPHANY
[That's
because you have a small modicum of foresight.]
41.
ILLYBRIUS
Miss Akuma? Are you—?
42.
AKUMA
This power... I feel you so easy now.
43.
SERLEINA
LIKE
YOUR MOTHER!
44.
AKUMA
What did you do?
45.
SERLEINA
YOUR
MOTHER!
46.
ILLYBRIUS
Merely what I was told.
47.
DREPANON
Okay, no.
48.
SERLEINA
I wasn’t gonna that time!
49.
AKUMA
Why do I want to turn and cuddle up
in your lap then and wait for you to pet me?
50.
EVRYN
That sounds like a personal problem.
51.
EPIPHANY
(that’s bullshit you’re bullshit song)
[This
is bullshit. That incantation was bullshit. This entire situation is SUCH
BULLSHIT.]
52.
ILLYBRIUS
I do not know.
53.
EPIPHANY
[I
just explained it, you twit.]
54.
USAGI
Definitely not gonna end well.
55.
ILLYBRIUS
Hush, Usagi. Come here.
56.
AKUMA
Suddenly I want to obey your every
command.
57.
SERLEINA
TELL
HER TO GO MAKE YOU A SANDWICH!
58.
EVRYN
TELL HER TO GO AND DIE!
59.
AHRRY (L)
TELL HER TO GO AND DIE AFTER SHE
MAKES YOU A SANDWICH!
60.
LENA
Don't get her to make you a sandwich.
Have you heard the kinds of food she likes to eat? You'll be tasting it again
in half an hour.
61.
EPIPHANY
[KINKSHAME,
CORRI! KINKSHAME!]
62.
SIGYN
Well, at least it isn't ME this time.
63.
ILLYBRIUS
Fucking hell, Orion! Suddenly I want
to give him a good smack upside the head.
64.
AKUMA
Lee... I know why I was made.
65.
ROSEMARY,
ruefully
Bad decisions. I'm with you there.
66.
USAGI
All I know is that I want a bottle of
absinthe.
67.
CIN
Same.
68.
ILLYBRIUS
a) I'll humor you. Why?
b) Miss Akuma?
69.
AKUMA
I'm here.
70.
ILLYBRIUS
Why were you made?
71.
AKUMA
A pet.
72.
EPIPHANY zaps Akuma.
73.
ILLYBRIUS
I am going to find Maheone and hit
him with a heavy object!
74.
AKUMA
I think...
75.
ILLYBRIUS
I hope you don't mind if I choose not
to see you as a pet.
76.
AKUMA
Nie.
77.
ILLYBRIUS
Damn it. If he'd let me remember—
78.
AKUMA
At least I know where to stay.
79.
ILLYBRIUS
is disgusted.
80.
AKUMA
Hmph!
81.
ILLYBRIUS
Akuma, damn it, I love you and I
would love you still.
82.
EVRYN takes two shots.
83.
AKUMA
Thank you.
84.
ILLYBRIUS
I don't consider you just a pet.
85.
EPIPHANY zaps Illybrius.
86.
ILLYBRIUS
In fact, I don't consider you a pet
at all. You're more than that.
87.
CORRI
BUT I DON'T *WANT* HER TO BE MORE
THAN A PET!
88.
EPIPHANY zaps Corri
89.
EPIPHANY
[Then
maybe you should have written an animal instead of a person.]
90.
CORRI
I DIDN'T *WRITE* AKUMA, SHE'S A
*PART* OF ME! WUH!
91.
DÉSMODA
Please stop. I am embarrassed to have
you in my presence.
92.
(Brrring, brrring)
93.
SERLEINA
TEXT
MESSAGE!
94.
DÉSMODA
I know, just delete it.
95.
EPIPHANY
[Don't
you just hate it when kitchenware stalks you and judges you?]
96.
DÉSMODA,
wearing a lampshade hat.
I'm usually too busy stalking and
judging everyone else to care.
97.
AKUMA
Arigato, kibito.
(Airy gay
toe, Kibby-bite-o)
98.
EVRYN
poses.
Tree?
99.
ILLYBRIUS
Prego. I do so wish Maheone hadn't
toyed with an innocent girl's life in his twisted mission for redemption. I
would never have held it against him, that for which he was trying to redeem
himself in the first place.
100.
AKUMA
It's fine.
101.
EPIPHANY
[Actually,
no. This is all kinds of stupid.]
102.
enter
ORION, DRAKE, AND KIBBY
103.
KIBBY,
wearing sandals
NO BITE KIBBY'S TOE!
104.
AKUMA
Orion, Drake, and Kibby are here.
105.
EVRYN
Yeah, we fucking noticed.
106.
ILLYBRIUS
Welcome back.
107.
AKUMA
I'll ... leave you two alone.
108.
EVRYN
Which two? There are like... a
fucking lot of people here.
109.
AKUMA
a) Have fun.
b)
exit AKUMA
110.
ILLYBRIUS
Who are you, Orion? Who were you
before you became a demon?
111.
DRAKE
Umm... Hold on. They're having a
spat. Something about being a pet—
112.
EPIPHANY zaps Drake.
113.
DRAKE
—and something about being a
companion.
114.
ILLYBRIUS
Damn it, stop fighting! My time here
is limited!
115.
EVRYN
Corri knows that and she's trying to
waste as much of it as possible to punish you for having the wrong feelings.
116.
MARIE
She must be back in tantrum mode
because making Illybrius treat Akuma as an object didn't stick.
117.
DRAKE
Hey Lee. Have someone watch for the
forest where we stayed for Wraith's Hallow, please.
118.
ILLYBRIUS
I'll send Esme.
119.
ORION
Your bondmate is mad at me.
120.
ILLYBRIUS
Why.
121.
ORION
She said that she didn't want to be a
pet—
122.
EPIPHANY zaps Orion.
123.
ORION
--and I told her that was not why she
was made. She was made to be a companion for you. Much like Usagi.
124.
ILLYBRIUS
Damn it. Usagi IS a pet.
125.
EPIPHANY zaps Illybrius.
126.
ILLYBRIUS
Akuma is not.
127.
EVRYN
Epi, hang on. I understand the
zapping, but I think what he's getting at is that Usagi consented to that kind
of relationship with Illybrius, whereas Team Corri is trying to magically force
Illybrius to treat Akuma that way, unlike, say, a bedroom roleplay or a 24/7
Total Power Exchange.
128.
EPIPHANY,
making a face
[It's all gross to me.]
[>inb4 "you're six, of course you think that"]
[I
am chronologically 29 years old, and if my developmental age matched my
chronological age, I'm pretty sure I would still find this gross.]
129.
LENA
I agree with you. To be honest, it
bothers me when people try to write off Epiphany's disgust as her being a child
because firstly, it erases her experience as a previously-living person who has
aged beyond her developmental age, and secondly, it erases the very real
asexual folks out in the world who may at some point view this—
130.
SERLEINA
*AIRHORN
NOISE!*
Okay, that's enough soapboxing for right now.
131.
LENA
NO. Asexual people are just as
important as non-asexual people.
132.
SERLEINA
That's nice and all, but I think if someone is asexual, this
might not be the *best* show for them to be watching in the first place,
considering the vast majority of its content.
133.
LENA
But—
134.
SERLEINA
DON'T
LIKE, DON'T WATCH! YEEEEAAAAAAHHH.
135.
LENA
But the production team is— fine,
whatever.
136.
ORION
That is what her purpose was.
137.
MARIE
Well, not everybody lives up to the
expectations of their precursors. Or, in this case, down.
138.
ILLYBRIUS
Orion, tell me who you are.
139.
ORION
I don't remember my name. Not after I
fell.
140.
EVRYN
That's stupid! You're stupid!
141.
LENA
ABLEIST!
142.
EVRYN
He's talking about falling as an
angel and becoming a demon, you nit.
143.
LENA
Oh. I thought he was talking about
Serleina "accidentally" tripping him down the stairs earlier.
144.
SERLEINA
It *was* an accident!
145.
LENA
Suuuure it was.
146.
ILLYBRIUS
How did we know each other? How did you
know Maheone?
147.
ORION
He met me here. Took me to Celestia a
few times to show me around.
148.
EVRYN
THAT'S BULLSHIT! There would have
been something in the archives. Illybrius *certainly* would have noticed it.
149.
ORION
Said I reminded him of you.
150.
EVRYN
ALSO BULLSHIT!
151.
ORION
I met you two or three times.
152.
EVRYN
STILL BULLSHIT!
153.
EPIPHANY
[I'm
pretty sure you showed up in the Pilot out of nowhere.]
154.
ORION
Does it matter?
155.
EVRYN
BULLSHIT DELUXE!
156.
ORION
He told me he was making her for you
as a gift.
157.
EVRYN
BULLSHIT SUPREME: A SPECIAL ON
BULLSHIT!
158.
ORION
She was to be his apology to you. Why
does it matter? It was in the past. It can't be undone.
159.
EVRYN
EXTREME GASLIGHTING BULLSHIT!
160.
EPIPHANY
[Fake!Maheone:
"Oh noooo, I violated my friend's autonomy! You know what I should do? I
should cook up a slave child for him, as a gift!"]
161.
EVRYN
Yeah, no-one in Celestia thinks that
way.
162.
ILLYBRIUS
I know it can't.
163.
EVRYN
OH, COME ON! YOU'RE NOT GONNA FALL
FOR THAT, ARE YOU?
164.
ILLYBRIUS
I wish he hadn't erased my memory. I
loved him so much, and he made that rift between us— HE made it, all on his
own, because I wouldn't have held what he did against him, ever! We could have
been lovers. We could have—
165.
ORION
That's what he wanted, too, but he
couldn't face you after what he did.
166.
EVRYN
finally loses it and smacks Orion hard across the face.
167.
ILLYBRIUS
He could. He chose not to. There is
only one thing I cannot forgive.
168.
EVRYN
The fact that he toyed with an
innocent child's life in order to make her the property of another person?
169.
ILLYBRIUS
He abandoned me.
170.
EVRYN
Oh.
171.
SIGYN
I mean, that's valid too.
172.
EVRYN
It... isn't *as* valid, but okay.
173.
ILLYBRIUS
I'm going to find him again. Even if
he is just Bliu now.
174.
ORION
I know. And for that, I am sorry.
Maybe after this, it would be better.... I will find Akuma and bring her home.
We... you... if you still love him, then maybe you do not really need us.
175.
LENA
AHEM. Do I need to repeat my
poly-inclusive soapboxing? I really don't want to.
176.
MARIE
Corri either does not understand, or
is pretending not to understand, how polyamory works.
177.
OVD
You'll find that's a theme, even outside of CorriCanon.
WischCanon, for example— but let's not go there quite yet.
178.
ILLYBRIUS
Yes I do. I love— how do I explain
this? I love all of you. I need all of you equally.
179.
EVRYN
I'm not taking a shot for that
because that's actually a good and valid explanation and not crufting.
180.
ILLYBRIUS
Maheone. Rubéhaus. Akuma. You. Usagi.
181.
SERLEINA
EMO
ROLL CALL!
182.
USAGI
WHAT?!
183.
SERLEINA
Okay, we can mark Usagi as present. You could have just raised
your hand though, jeez.
184.
EVRYN
He’s not Jeese! Jeese doesn’t even
show up until the—
185.
SERLEINA
Don’t care.
186.
ILLYBRIUS
All of you.
187.
ORION
I should go get Akuma. She went running
through a portal screaming about living like the animal she is supposed to be.
188.
EPIPHANY
[THE
FUCK]
189.
SERLEINA
I don't recall that being in the stage directions.
190.
ILLYBRIUS
Damn it, somebody needs to talk some
sense into her.
191.
ORION
How do you think she feels?
192.
EVRYN
She's throwing a tantrum and refusing
to listen to anything Illybrius says because she would rather feel sorry for
herself. Therefore, her feelings are irrelevant.
193.
ILLYBRIUS
Probably the same way Enon felt when
he learned he was meant for Larlia.
194.
ORION
She is damaged. Sometimes I think
it's beyond repair.
195.
EVRYN
Wait, but she literally only found
out within the past couple of hours.
196.
ILLYBRIUS
If she's as strong as I know she is,
she'll get through it.
197.
EVRYN
If she insists on being
pampered and pitied as much as we know she does, she'll put off getting through
it as long as possible to facilitate the most drama and wangst possible.
198.
ROMAIN
Sounds like somebody else I know.
199.
ORION
One of these times, she will be
tested, and her strength and luck will run out, Illybrius.
200.
EVRYN
Then she needs to level up, doesn't
she, and start investing in her attributes.
201.
a)
ORION
And when it does, because
it is only a matter of time, none of us will be able to save her.
201b) SERLEINA
NOT
WITH THAT ATTITUDE!
202.
ILLYBRIUS
I love her, as a companion, as... I
don't know the word for it in English.
203.
ORION
A close friend.
204.
EVRYN
No. Shut your hush. Stop being
presumptive.
205.
ILLYBRIUS
As somebody very close to me, who has
earned my respect through her ways and my trust as well.
206.
EVRYN
Too bad that was all pre-Pilot.
207.
ILLYBRIUS
There is something more, deeper, that
I cannot put into words.
208.
ORION
Did you feel that?
209.
ILLYBRIUS
a) No.
b) That I felt.
210.
ORION
Fuck. Drake. Go get her now. I don't
care what it takes. Hurt her if you have to.
211.
EVRYN
"Do you know how this is making
Akuma FEEL?" Ten seconds later, "Hurt her if you have to."
212.
ILLYBRIUS
I care very much for her. I cannot
explain it. To think that ANYBODY would have her reduced to— it's— I will NEVER
consider her anything less than the person I know her to be.
213.
ORION
You know, if I hadn't promised a
truce, I would beat her to death, I swear it.
214.
SERLEINA
no u suk.
215.
ILLYBRIUS
I know. I'm tempted to give her a
good smack upside the head as well. You, too. I love all of you, alright?
216.
ORION
She tried to turn "you"
marriage bond with her into a "slaverly" bond.
217.
ILLYBRIUS
SHE TRIED TO WHAT?
218.
ORION
... She tried to turn your marriage
bond with her into a slavery bond. Are you sure I can't hit her.
219.
ILLYBRIUS
VEKENBRIUCCE, BY ALL MEANS— but not
too much, you hear?
220.
ORION
Too late. Her brother beat me to it.
221.
EVRYN
Don't you just love it when a bunch
of men in a gal's life are discussing whether they should beat her, and if so,
how much? And then one of them actually does it? That's not terrible AT ALL.
222.
ORION
They are... I never saw a fight this
nasty.
223.
EPIPHANY
[too
bad it's ALL OFF-SCREEN!]
224.
MARIE
You guys, I took a peek off-stage and
it's a slap-fight, okay?
225.
ORION
And there goes the vase.
226.
MARIE
A very clumsy slap-fight.
227.
ORION
Why is it always the vase that goes
first?
228.
CIN
Because it's lightweight and easily
shattered.
229.
EVRYN
Like a man's ego.
230.
LENA
Like any self-important person's ego,
really.
231.
ILLYBRIUS
Orion, please. I'd like to have a
conversation with you, not a play-by-play.
232.
EPIPHANY
[THANK
YOU, ILLYBRIUS.]
233.
ORION
Then by all means. Distract me from
them tearing my house apart.
234.
EVRYN
You don't need to be such a bloody
snot about it.
235.
SERLEINA
I'LL
MAKE HIS SNOT BLOODY! IN-LAW JUSTICE, AWWWW YEAAAHHHH.
236.
SIGYN
You're literally insane.
237.
SERLEINA
MIND
YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
238.
SIGYN
I'm the Audience. Everything is my
business.
239.
ORION
Please, Illybrius. Talk to me. You
wanted to talk. So I'm here. And they have stopped fighting now.
240.
REIYA
"Because I don't get to narrate
about it, wuhhhh."
241.
MARIE
They're still just slap-fighting.
242.
(Angry cat noises from offstage)
243.
MARIE
Very clumsily slap-fighting.
244.
ILLYBRIUS
You hurt me. Every time we talk, you
break my heart.
245.
EVRYN
Then you might want to stop speaking
to him. Just a thought. Don't reward bad behavior with an emotional response.
246.
ILLYBRIUS
I'm beginning to think I'm as
addicted to you as my conduit is to alcohol.
247.
ORION
This is why I told you not to love
me.
248.
EVRYN
Because you're an abusive piece of
shit?
249.
ORION
I knew you would only end up hurting.
I am not good for you.
250.
EVRYN
PROTIP!
251.
LENA
DOMESTIC ABUSE RED FLAG SOAPBOX TIME!
252.
EVRYN
Oh, you've got it. Go ahead.
253.
LENA
a) If a person tries to warn you away
from them at the beginning of a relationship, DO NOT take it as a challenge.
b) DO NOT give them a chance to prove
you wrong.
c) And the more excited they make you
feel, the further away you need to run and the more urgent it is to not look
back.
d) Sometimes you may confuse
fear-induced adrenaline as sexual excitement. This is dangerous.
e) If someone tells you they're no good
for you, listen to them and walk away.
f) They're telling you to manipulate you
into staying and putting up with their bullshit.
g) Don't fall for it, because when
things go wrong, they can say that they warned you and make you look bad for
ignoring the warning.
h) If someone tells you that they are
not good for you, THEY ARE NOT GOOD FOR YOU.
i) No exceptions.
254.
ILLYBRIUS
I don't care.
255.
LENA
You're contractually obligated to be
a cautionary tale, so go right ahead. Prove my point.
256.
ORION
No, but you do realize that by coming
to me "to" are "in-g-noring" not only Usagi but Akuma as
well.
257.
OVD
Orion, redo.
258.
ORION
No, but you do realize that by coming
to me, you are ignoring not only Usagi, but Akuma as well.
259.
LENA
Do I really need to bring it up
again? That's not how healthy polyamory works. Stop trying to guilt him out of
spending time with you. If you don't want to be with him, just say you don't
want to be with him.
260.
EVRYN
Yes, but if Onion says he doesn't
want to be with Illybrius, then Illybrius will have a fit.
261.
LENA
Yes, but if Akuma and Usagi want more
time with him, they can ask for more time with him.
262.
EPIPHANY
[Yes,
but Akuma doesn't have any agency.]
263.
EVRYN
That sounds like a PERSONAL PROBLEM.
264.
SERLEINA
I'd offer to throw her out the window again, but Illybrius,
Onion, and Drake just took all the funny out of that with their discussion
about BEATING HER. Not cool.
265.
(Brrring, brrring)
266.
SERLEINA,
weird phone pose
I
KNOWWWWWWW!!!!!
267.
ILLYBRIUS
Please stop trying to leave me.
268.
ORION
I will not leave. However, you have
to realize what you are doing.
269.
EVRYN
He isn't doing shit wrong! Shut the
fuck up!
270.
ILLYBRIUS
I can always speak with both you and
Akuma simultaneously. As for Usagi, to whom do you suppose I cling, when I am
lonely, thinking of you?
271.
LENA
That doesn't really sound like you
love Usagi equally to how you love Akuma and Orion.
272.
ORION
You do realize that the other day was
the first day you have ever held her, right? You have never offered her kisses
or hugs.
273.
EVRYN
Dude, why do you care so hard all of
a sudden?
274.
(Brrring! Brrring!)
275.
SERLEINA
TEXT MESSAGE!
It's for Onion. The Pot wants you to make up your mind as to
whether you want Akuma happy or dead.
276.
ORION
She only knows of your one time
together.
277.
SERLEINA
TEXT MESSAGE!
The Kettle chimes in that that is not an adequate response, and
speculates that Akuma would probably be happier dead, but still.
278.
ILLYBRIUS
I try to treat her like a lady, not a
sex object.
279.
LENA
I think you're trying to say you show
respect for her, which is good, but you should think of her as a
flesh-and-blood person, not in terms of a concept like "lady vs. sex
object."
280.
ORION
Lee, she craves affection. Affection
she isn't getting.
281.
LENA
Then maybe she should find another
partner in addition to Illybrius, since Illybrius has... what, four or five?
She may need to find someone else who will readily offer the affection she
feels she isn't getting. Or she could leave him altogether, if she prefers
monogamy.
282.
ORION
She was thrilled that you held her
the other day. I think she wants you to do that more often, but is afraid to
ask for it in case you say no.
283.
EVRYN
While fear of rejection is a valid
fear, I'm still going to put this down to Akuma's lack of agency and need for
all the men in her life to do everything for her. Protip: If you want to write
a strong character, this is not how you do it.
284.
ORION
Feel along your bond and tell me that
I am lying.
285.
ILLYBRIUS
I am not accustomed to showing
affection, to anybody.
286.
CIN
Shut up and listen to the annoying
demon, Lee.
287.
EVRYN
Are you literally being a demon's
advocate here?
288.
ORION
Yet you show it freely to me.
289.
EVRYN
If Akuma's jealous, she needs to
speak up.
290.
CIN
Ow-ow-ow, not helping! What did I say
about sharing pain?
291.
ORION
This is not healthy.
292.
(Brrring! Brrring! Brrring! Brrring!)
293.
SERLEINA
TWO TEXT MESSAGES!
One from the Pot that says you're a "qwant," whatever
that means—
294.
REIYA
That's a word I made up this one time
when I tried to call someone a cunt and a twat at the same time.
295.
SERLEINA
—and one from the Kettle with— this is interesting— a scanned
copy of your McDonald's receipt. Scrolling, scrolling, still scrolling—
goddamn, Onion, what did you do, order the whole menu?! Oh! INCOMING! Wait, this one's for me. What the fuck I do not. At least, not
at McDonald's!
296.
CIN
Sorry. We're counterparts. Our
emotions are interwoven to a degree.
297.
ILLYBRIUS
I DON'T CARE IF IT'S HEALTHY!
298.
ORION
I meant his bond with her.
299.
CIN
Yeah, I know, but when you were like,
"Yet you show it freely to me," he shattered. AGAIN! Jeez, one of
these days I'm going to keel over if he keeps sharing pain.
300.
EVRYN
SPOILER ALERT!
301.
OVD
Don't worry, Cinnamon, when that happens, we will bring you
back first, OUT OF SPITE!
302.
SERLEINA
OKAY,
YOU DON'T GET TO COMPLAIN AT ME FOR SPOILERS FOR THE REST OF THE EPISODE!
303.
OVD
Only this installment.
304.
SERLEINA
...
I'LL TAKE IT!
305.
ILLYBRIUS
I don't care about healthy. I care
that I need you.
306.
ORION
If it helps, Akuma is trying to bear
this pain with him.
307.
CIN
Why don't you stop being Mr. Logic
and give Lee the affection HE'S craving but won't admit to? Then NONE of us
will have to deal with the pain!
308.
ORION
If he wants affection, then he should
see Akuma. I am a pyric demon. I only want sex.
309.
EVRYN
Then go fuck yourself.
310.
ILLYBRIUS
Orion... Orion...
311.
ORION
Fine.
312.
ILLYBRIUS
Do you hate me?
313.
SERLEINA
CLIFFHANGER!
OH NOEZ!
314.
SIGYN
a) No, you know what, none of this makes
sense to me.
b) If Maheone really lusted after Illybrius
to the point where he couldn't stop himself from committing rape, why would he
turn to husbandry as an apology?
c) Like, if I feel bad about forcing myself
on someone, the last thing I'm going to consider is setting them up with
someone else, let alone creating a sexually compatible being whose sole purpose
is to belong to them.
d) Speaking of which, what the fuck is
Akuma's problem with this?
e) You know, let's say I was madly in love
with someone and found out I was born to be his companion.
f) Do you know how far you can exploit that?
g) You can beg for all the attention and
care you want and, when they get annoyed, just tell them it's not your fault
because you were made that way.
h) And okay, if it really does bother her that
she was created to be Illybrius's birthday gift, why doesn't she just go back
to the guy who made her and annoy the hell out of him?
i) Be *his* house creature. Make him take
her out on a leash in public and loudly "reassure" everyone that
that's what he made her for.
315.
DREPANON
Now that you've outed yourself as an
exploitative rapist...
316.
SIGYN
Firstly, you knew that already, and
secondly, at least I'm logical about it.
317.
MARIE
Sending a house plant or a nice rock
as a gift would have just made more sense.
318.
AKUMA,
holding a bubble tea
THE STORY WOULD BE BETTER IF I WERE A
FICUS! DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FEEEEEEEEELS?
319.
EVRYN
Yeah, I think we would prefer that,
too.
320.
MARIE
And on a less metatextual level of angst,
she could be haunted by the existential question of whether she's only in love
with Illybrius because she was created for him, and whether that kind of love
should be considered genuine or meaningful.
321.
AKUMA,
QAQ
PHILOSOPHICAL SOLILOQUYYYYY
322.
SIGYN
Yes well... I
had a similar dilemma once, but I stopped questioning it. As long as it feels
good, who cares why? At least you don't see me running through a portal
screaming about being an animal.
--
ENDING THEME: V.A.S.E.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOLQr3Q_0Xs
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