1.
TITLE
Corri
Bangs Her Brother, Part 2
2.
SETTING
A
dark cave somewhere
3.
Sun, Nov 9, 2008 at 6:29 PM
4.
CINNAMON
Akuma, it's Cinnamon.
5.
AKUMA
Cin. Vere shin ba?
6.
CINNAMON
I don't know. Akuma, I'm going to have to ask you to speak
English.
7.
AKUMA
Irubura?
8.
SIGYN
Akuma, I'm going to have to ask you to follow directions.
9.
CINNAMON
He's... He was here earlier, but I can't—ow! Akuma,
somebody keeps pinging my head. He calls himself the Turtledove.
10.
AKUMA
He fed me lapis.
11.
EPIPHANY
[. . . You eat rocks?]
12.
EVRYN
I'm not surprised. Her head is full of them.
13.
CINNAMON
He wants Illybrius. He said he wants Illybrius. I
don't remember or know who he is. I don't know how long I can be here
before he shows up.
14.
EPIPHANY yawns loudly
and conspicuously
15.
AKUMA
I know. He did this.
16.
CINNAMON
I know. He's strong.
17.
AKUMA
Please... Tell Irubura...
18.
CINNAMON
Tell him what?
19.
AKUMA
Give him my love if I fall.
20.
CINNAMON
You won't fall! You're stronger than that, Akuma. What's
the antidote for lapis?
21.
AKUMA
I don't know.
22.
EPIPHANY
[ Is “lapis” the street name of some drug I don't know
about?]
23.
EVRYN
No, but Akuma's allergic to it.
24.
EPIPHANY
[Then the "antidote" should be an injection of
epinephrine.]
25.
EVRYN
Yes, but that's LOGICAL!
26.
AKUMA
Lee... c-can't... don't let him find me.
27.
CINNAMON
You don't want Lee to find you?
28.
AKUMA
It's what he wants.
29.
EPIPHANY sighs
heavily.
30.
CINNAMON looks at
phone
Sorry to be insensitive, but... it's pretty.
31.
AKUMA
What?
32.
CINNAMON
Lazurite. I just looked it up. Something yellow.... Need
something yellow.
33.
EPIPHANY
[Quick, get some yellow food colouring from the props
department so I can add it to this vial of lye.]
34.
EVRYN
I was going to suggest peeing on her instead.
35.
OVD
Evryn, you may not urinate on your fellow castmates.
Epiphany, you may not feed them lye.
36.
EPIPHANY
[Dammit.]
37.
AKUMA
Cin... promise me.
38.
CINNAMON
What?
39.
AKUMA
Protect Lee, Corri, and Bastion. Please.
40.
REIYA
From what? Corri's own damn self?
41.
CINNAMON
B isn't a part of this, but I'm sure he'll be fine. Corri
can pretty much hold her own, but Lee... I think he's the only one who really
needs it. I will.
42.
CIN checks phone
SHIT! USAGI! He's alive, but... he's...
43.
AKUMA
Ok?
44.
CINNAMON
He's passed out in a pool of his own juices.
45.
EPIPHANY
[. . . Please tell me she means like bile or lymph or some
other bodily fluid(s) that isn't semen.]
46.
EVRYN
I would, but then I'd be lying
47.
CINNAMON
A copious pool. It's like he was pumped. There's this jar—I
can't read the label, but it's definitely not tulation. I can still smell
it if I really tune in, but it's all been used. I think it's a pheromonal
stimulant/aphrodisiac.
48.
EPIPHANY
[DAMMIT!]
49.
AKUMA
a)
Pumpkin. Get her
and Enon too. Stay together. Go to Lee's mom. Stay there.
b)
… Kumpa?
50.
RULEAN
There, there.
51.
>CUE MUSIC: There, There by Radiohead
52.
AKUMA
Let me go.
53.
RULEAN
Why?
54.
SERLEINA
♫ LET HER BURN
LET HER BURN
SHE'S NO LONGER OUR CONCERN~ ♫
55.
AKUMA
You only want Lee.
56.
RULEAN
Who said he was all I wanted?
57.
EPIPHANY
[Who is this guy, again?]
58.
EVRYN
He's the villain of the week. His name's Rulean, which is
Drakoste for Turtledove.
59.
EPIPHANY
[Ah, okay.]
60.
AKUMA
Please. Don't hurt them.
61.
RULEAN
The rabbit's dying. You'll live, but only as long as you don't
annoy me.
62.
SIGYN
I give her about five minutes.
63.
EPIPHANY
[How come HE gets to kill Akuma for annoying him?]
64.
OVD
*fart noise*
65.
RULEAN
As for Maheone, he's too far gone to be helped now. I told him
not to have a staring contest with that mushroom, but he didn’t listen!
66.
AKUMA
No. Fix him or Lee will die.
67.
RULEAN
How do you figure that?
68.
AKUMA
Broken heart can kill Lee.
69.
EVRYN
Well, so can staring into a Drakoste mushroom, genius.
70.
RULEAN
Broken heart and mushroom-gazing can kill anyone. Oh, don't tell
me. Lee's in love with his rabbit.
71.
EPIPHANY
[And yet, strangely enough, there's no bestiality
involved.]
72.
EVRYN
At least until he figures out how to literally transform Usagi
into a rabbit.
73.
EPIPHANY
[Even if he does manage that, isn't his dick physically
about as big as a rabbit?]
74.
EVRYN
I try not to look at that part of him, really.
75.
AKUMA
Please... let me go. Don't hurt them.
76.
RULEAN
You didn't answer my question, sweet thing.
77.
REIYA
Yeah, well, you didn't answer HER question!
78.
AKUMA
Fix him and I will.
79.
RULEAN
I don't think so.
80.
AKUMA
Yessss. Please fix him.
81.
EPIPHANY
[Yes, please do chop his balls off.]
82.
RULEAN
Maheone knew his experiments would get him in trouble (I told
him not to look at that mushroom! I told him!), and as for the boy.... He's
just a little inconvenient right now.
83.
AKUMA
No, please. He's just a child.
84.
RULEAN
Yes, but he’s also annoying as Hell.
85.
EVRYN
At least he doesn’t try to push his diet off on everyone else.
86.
RULEAN
I see Maheone hasn't offered to put you right.
87.
AKUMA
He did. I refused. Please. Usagi is a child. Let him live.
88.
RULEAN
I was a child too, once.
89.
AKUMA
As was I, please.
90.
EPIPHANY
[Yeah, and so was I. So what?]
91.
RULEAN
They forgot all about me.
92.
AKUMA
Who did?
93.
RULEAN
Everybody.
94.
AKUMA
This won't make things right.
95.
RULEAN
a)
Most especially,
Illybrius. We were a close threesome—Illybrius, Maheone, and I.
They left me behind on a hunting trip.
b)
…… Left me for
dead.
96.
REIYA
As much as I hate to ask this, how is murder going to solve
this?
97.
EPIPHANY
[Yes, why would you ask that?]
98.
RULEAN
That's a good question. I'm very glad you asked that question.
99.
REIYA
...
100.
EPIPHANY
...
101.
AKUMA
I'm sorry.
102.
RULEAN
You will be.
103.
AKUMA
Please let Usagi live. Do whatever you want with me.
104.
RULEAN
That you or the rabbit can love such heartless beings...
105.
EPIPHANY
[Ugh. You're so boring.]
106.
EVRYN
Obviously he's never played Kingdom Hearts. EVERYBODY loves
Nobodies!
107.
AKUMA
Please... I beg you.
108.
RULEAN
That's really cute, but as your Corri has seen, begging doesn't
work with me.
109.
AKUMA
I offer myself to you.
110.
RULEAN
But even if I let your Irubura live... he wouldn't be too happy
to know you'd give yourself up so easily, would he?
111.
AKUMA
He would—
112.
RULEAN
faints dramatically.
113.
enter
DÉSMODA
114.
DÉSMODA
is holding a frying pan over her head.
115.
DÉSMODA
Gotcha! Fucking bastard.
116.
EPIPHANY
[Yay!]
117.
REIYA
Désmoda: Not a fan of slut-shaming.
118.
AKUMA
Who?
119.
DÉSMODA
He's one hell of a guy to knock out. How are you doing?
120.
AKUMA
Who are you?
121.
DÉSMODA
I'm Désmoda, you idiot.
122.
AKUMA
Lapis... so sick. Gomen.
123.
EPIPHANY
[Shut up, Weeaboo. You don't get to speak in Japanese.]
124.
SIGYN
Akuma, ikura desu ka? Asking for a friend.
125.
EVRYN
Who do you know who has taste that bad?
126.
TOKIOMI
What do you mean, “bad taste”?
127.
DÉSMODA
That's one mother of a headache I'm picking up.
128.
EVRYN
Yes, Akuma does induce quite the headache.
129.
AKUMA
He fed me lapis. Can't do anything.
130.
EVRYN
How is that any different from usual?
131.
REIYA
Except demand that the villain have sex with you in exchange for
your friends' lives, apparently.
132.
EVRYN
To be entirely fair, that doesn't really consist of her doing
anything. Even if he took her up on the offer, she'd just have to lie there
like a lump, presumably. I mean, it is Akuma.
133.
AKUMA
Usagi... dying. Need to help him.
134.
DÉSMODA
Have you tried puking your guts out? Usually helps with food
poisoning.
135.
EVRYN
Aren't you Poison Control? Don't you know better?
136.
DÉSMODA
The question is whether I care better. I don't.
137.
AKUMA
Spell, can't.
138.
EPIPHANY
[Translation: Shut up and stop offering solutions to the
problem.]
139.
EVRYN
Oh, because I was gonna say, we already know she can't spell.
140.
AKUMA
Save Usagi. Please save Usagi.
141.
DÉSMODA
You told me Usagi's dying. You didn't say what he's dying of.
142.
AKUMA
Didn't say.
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