TITLE
Please
Forgive Me
SETTING
Illybrius’s
room
Tue,
Nov 4, 2008 at 5:29 AM
4 ORION
Illybrius, please hear me
out before you think I am breaking your heart.
5 EPIPHANY
[Way to tell Berserker how to feel. Corri seems to love doing
that.]
6 ORION
I had to leave, and I will
be gone for several days.
7 EVRYN
"But first, let me
stand around and monologue pointlessly at you!"
8 ORION
I have a few loose ends to
tie up in my home before I decide to stay here and be with not only you but
Akuma as well.
9 EVRYN
So, I don't have a problem
with the polyamorous representation here. What I do have a problem with is the
fact that you've referred to Akuma as your sister multiple times and also raped
her, and now you want a three-way relationship with her and her lover.
10 ORION
Akuma is doing as well as
can be expected.
11 EPIPHANY
[Read: as terribly as is convenient.]
12 ORION
However, the time of
mourning is seven days, so she will not speak—
13 EVRYN
What the hell? She spoke
earlier!
14 ORION
— because, Enzeru custom,
it may make the souls of the departed want to remain in this world instead of
moving on to the next.
15 ROSEMARY
No, it's because you can't
see the truth.
16 EPIPHANY
[ I don't think either of those things actually affect souls.]
17 EVRYN
They affect Enzeru souls
because Corri has a wangst quota to meet.
18 EPIPHANY
[Remind me again who died, by the way?]
19 EVRYN
Akuma's twin daughters,
Rangiora and Belladonna, had to be aborted.
20 EPIPHANY
[Oh, right, the unimplanted wangst zygotes.]
[Do Enzeru customs call for human women to go into a week of
mourning every month?]
21 SIGYN
Not Enzeru, but those of
Enjel, maybe.
22 EVRYN
Okay, wait a second. Is
"Enjel" a clan like the Enzeru clan, or is "Enjel" a place?
23 SIGYN
Enjel is a clan like the
Enzeru clan, and they hail from a realm called Rinjerot. Actually, the Enjels
are the royal family of Rinjerot.
24 CIN
And you think that the
Enjels go into a week of mourning every month?
25 SIGYN
I think Salome Enjel does.
26 CIN
Okay, who the fuck—
27 SIGYN
I'll explain later. I can
sense OVD about to scream at us to get back on topic.
28 CIN
Hold up, OVD, I just have
one question.
29 OVD
... I'll
allow it.
30 CIN
Is she worse than me?
31 SIGYN
Much, much worse.
32 ORION
However, Akuma will more
than likely still chat with you.
33 EPIPHANY
[What was this about silence?]
[You promised me
silence.]
[ I know she already
broke this promise, but still.]
34 EVRYN
Maybe she'll communicate
through signs or a computer program that speaks for her while she types?
35 EPIPHANY
[This feels like it's violating the spirit of the rule.]
[Okay, never mind. It sounds like something Enjerus would love
to do.]
36 OVD
It also
sounds like it exceeds the limits of our budget. PASS. Akuma will just have to
learn interpretive dance.
37 EPIPHANY
[That doesn't seem like an appropriate mourning activity.]
38 SERLEINA
Did you know that whenever an Enjel dies outside of Rinjerot,
everyone who knew them does the—
39 SIGYN
THE DANCE OF GRATITUDE AND
PRAISE TO THE GODS!
40 SERLEINA
Yes!
41 SIGYN
I love that dance!
42 ORION
I have left her in the
capable hands of her brother—
43 EVRYN
Wait, do you mean Drake?
Because don't you and Drake share a body?
44 ORION
Her OTHER brother, DRAY.
45 EPIPHANY
[Those names mustn't have been confusing when yelled across the
house.]
46 ORION
Of COURSE they weren't.
Drake's full first name is Drakenfear, and Dray's is Draydarius! Those don't
sound alike at all!
47 SIGYN
Um, question.
48 ORION
Yes, Audience?
49 SIGYN
Did... did Akuma's parents
let Drepanon Falcon name their children?
50 ORION
No, of course not. That's
stupid. They let Moon Moon name their children.
51 MARIE THE PLUSHIE LADY
Damn it, Moon Moon!
52 SIGYN
So, they let Drepanon’s
grandfather name their children? How is that any less stupid?
53 ORION
— and before my departure
took Corri to see her, seeing as she has the right to know.
54 ROSEMARY
Well she lies. I'm sorry
you had to find out this way.
55 EPIPHANY
[You mean there's people who didn't know that Corri's a lying
liar who lies before this point?]
56 EVRYN
Yes, for example, those
written by her.
57 ORION
I also gave her your
letter.
58 OVD
I read
that letter. Trust me, you are better off not knowing what it says.
59 ORION
I don't know if she looked
at it yet or not.
60 EPIPHANY
[She probably has, and is already wangsting about it, if it's as
bad as OVD implies.]
61 ORION
a)
Perhaps tonight
you will talk to her, Kio.
b)
As soon as she is
healed please finish your bond with her.
62 ROSEMARY
What will happen then?
63 EPIPHANY
[More wangst.]
64 ORION
You won't have to worry
about a child this time.
65 SIGYN
Will he have to worry about
CONSENT, MAYBE?
66 SERLEINA
YOU'RE asking that?!
67 SIGYN
VIAGRA IS NOT THE SAME AS A
ROOFIE, SHUT UP!
68 SERLEINA
You know, baby aspirin serves the same purpose as Viagra, and is
better for your heart. Or your, um, lover's heart, as the case may be.
69 EPIPHANY, rolling eyes
[Woohoo, vasodilation!]
70 SIGYN
Yes, it makes getting the
condoms on easier.
71 EVRYN
My sister sells those at
her support group's meetings. They're called "God's Condoms."
72 EPIPHANY
[What are they?]
73 EVRYN
...Condoms? Well,
they're sort of like balloons...
74 EPIPHANY
[No, I know what condoms are. I was just assuming that
"God's Condoms" was a euphemism for something.]
75 EVRYN
Well... they do contain
certain chemicals on the outside, but I can't tell you what due to plausible
deniability.
76 EPIPHANY nods sagely
77 EVRYN
Originally, we called them
Zeus's Condoms, for that reason, but a few of the more expressive members of
the support group got offended.
78 EPIPHANY
[Because Zeus is notorious for never using them?]
79 EVRYN
No, because apparently
Penryn was favouring the Greek race with her choice of brand names.
80 EPIPHANY
[Huh. Weird.]
81 SIGYN
Oh my gods, those sound
awesome, I want, like, ten.
82 EVRYN
Ten condoms?
83 SIGYN
Ten CASES.
84 TOKIOMI
Sigyn, no!
85 SIGYN
Sigyn yes!
86 TOKIOMI
Welp.
87 ORION
Her body will not be ready
to conceive for another four months.
88 EPIPHANY
[Let me guess, sparkly special stupid species biology?]
89 EVRYN
Yeah, most likely.
I'm not adept at science, so I don't know how long it takes most mammals
to conceive again after childbirth or abortion.
90 EPIPHANY
[After an abortion? Within two weeks, for humans. After
childbirth would depend on a lot of factors.]
91 ORION stamps foot
92 ORION
Akuma's not HUMAN, she's
an ANGEL! How dare you!
93 SERLEINA
SHE'S AN ENJEL?!
94 ORION
No, she's an ENZERU! Enjel
just means DRAMA! Akuma— wait.
95 CIN
*laughing* Nice going,
Onion!
96 ORION
IT'S ORION!
97 CIN
Dorian?
98 ORION
Orion!
99 CIN
Oh. Nice going, Dorian!
100 ORION
YOU SAID IT WRONG, STUPID!
101 CIN
It's not "stupid",
it's Cinnamon!
102 EVRYN
Yep, definitely sparkly
special Sue species biology.
103 ORION
There are so many things
that I have done that die for and yet...
104 EPIPHANY
[Like shooting the Grammar Fairy, you murderer?]
105 EVRYN
He should join my sister's
OTHER support group.
106 SIGYN
Wait, the girl who runs
Murderers Anonymous is your sister?!
107 EPIPHANY
[TWIN sister.]
[They look EXACTLY ALIKE.]
108 SIGYN
No, I mean, I thought she was
Evryn!
109 EVRYN
Oh dear Gods, what did you
*say*?
110 SIGYN
I, um, don't think you want
to know.
111 SERLEINA
Wow, it must have been really bad if even YOU think it was TMI.
112 ORION
I find it almost ironic
that I am doing this to be not only with a man who loves me but also to stay
with my most hated enemy.
113 SIGYN
How would it be ironic?
114 EVRYN
Who is also your sister,
and that's gross.
115 EPIPHANY
[Why does Illybrius love him, exactly?]
[He has done literally nothing loveable.]
116 SIGYN
Remember that one episode
where he was being a really sexy Dom—
117 SERLEINA
CREEPYDOM. HE WAS BEING A CREEPYDOM. LEARN THE DIFFERENCE.
118 SIGYN
Anyway, I kind of wouldn't
exactly hold it against Illybrius if he had, you know, fallen in love with
Orion from that.
119 EPIPHANY
[That makes no sense.]
120 EVRYN
Illybrius has horrible
taste in men, and is probably going for Orion because Orion started out as an
asshole but then suddenly started showing Illybrius affection.
121 TOKIOMI
What are you guys talking
about? Orion doesn't seem that bad. I mean, sure, he used to be a jerk, but
look how nice he is now!
122 SIGYN
Yes, look how— wait.
T-Tokiomi, no. He— his appeal is that he's not actually that nice.
123 TOKIOMI
You've lost me.
124 SERLEINA
TEXT MESSAGE! Orion's mom would like us to know that she
is VERY
disappointed in her son and she didn't raise him this way.
125 ORION
Yet in a way I also find
this to feel completely normal, which is a little disconcerting.
126 EPIPHANY
[A little. A LITTLE?]
127 ORION
a)
Things are
happening quickly and it's not even fazing me.
b)
Maybe this time
around we will get things right.
c)
And Akuma is
making a gift for you.
128 EVRYN
In... her uterus? That
would explain why she can't get pregnant again, other than being a Sparklesue.
129 EPIPHANY
[But if she was pregnant, wouldn't Illybrius waving his penis in
her direction cause her to miscarry?]
130 SIGYN
Hehehehe, you said penis.
131 EPIPHANY
[Yes, that's the correct anatomical term.]
132 SIGYN
Hehehehe.
…Hmmm...
133 TOKIOMI
NO. I hear enough about him
at home.
134 ROSEMARY
I'm driving crazy for
Onion too.
135 EPIPHANY
[ I question your tastes.]
136 EVRYN
She's DRIVING crazy for
him. Meaning that when he gets in a car with her, she drives like a moron on
purpose in the hopes that she'll crash and, well, kill him.
137 EPIPHANY
[Oh!]
[That's actually really sweet.]
138 SERLEINA
I KNOW, RIGHT?!
139 ORION
You gave her your weapon
and now she is responding in kind.
140 ROSEMARY
What is the one hand
clapping question?
141 EPIPHANY smiles
brightly
[A koan!]
142 ORION
Claw and Fang were the
best weapons she ever made using her very magic and soul.
143 REIYA
THESE ARE BAD NAMES FOR
ANYTHING!
144 TOKIOMI
Good news, everybody, I just
came up with a great new name for my band!
144 EPIPHANY
[So what Onion is saying is that Akuma couldn't make new weapons
better than the originals?]
145 ORION
She is recreating these
weapons for you.
146 ROSEMARY
She as in my mother?
147 EPIPHANY
[No, no, I would never think of insulting your mother.]
[Wait, your mom makes weapons?]
148 ROSEMARY
Assassination runs in our
family.
149 EPIPHANY
[. . . Good to know.]
150 SIGYN
Wait just a damn hot second.
151 CIN
To be entirely fair, that
episode I said there was only one assassin WORTH MENTIONING.
152 SIGYN
You don't think Rosemary and
her entire family are assassins WORTH MENTIONING?
153 CIN
Well... they kind of...
um...
154 SIGYN
What? What do they "kind
of um"?
155 CIN
Glitch. They glitch.
156 SIGYN
How?
157 CIN
They just— I don't know
how to describe it, they just do. They have random malfunctions that keep them
from achieving mission objective.
158 ORION
I hope you like them.
159 CIN
No, not really. I have no
idea how they made it onto the show.
160 ROSEMARY
First tell me your name.
161 EVRYN
Oh my gods, she has a
Death Note!
162 EPIPHANY
[Don't worry, I know some guys. L's days are numbered.]
163 OREGANO
~cause it’ll be a dark
world without Light~
164 SIGYN
TEAM LIGHT!
165 EPIPHANY
[Say, Rosemary, can you say "Atashi ga Kira desu"?
Because that'd be so cool.]
166 ROSEMARY
I can indeed. "Atashi
ga Kira desu."
167 EPIPHANY squees
168 ORION
Please...While I am gone
treat her almost as if she was glass because at the moment, Kio, I find myself
very afraid that she will break after this loss.
169 ROSEMARY
Oh, that's so sweet.
170 EPIPHANY
[Really? I think it's patronising.]
171 ROSEMARY
#Sarcasm
172 ORION
Tonight, Drake has
instructions to get over here and talk to you.
173 EVRYN
Once again, you and Drake share
a body, do you not? Or rather, since when don't you?
174 ORION
Please talk with Akuma.
175 ROSEMARY
I can't, I have to wake up
for work in the morning.
176 EPIPHANY
[Ooh, burn.]
177 ORION
Make her see that she is
not alone.
178 ROSEMARY, sarcastically
I am always here for her.
I'm talking to her right now on the phone.
179 EPIPHANY snickers.
180 SIGYN
Just put on a scary movie and
turn off the lights or something.
181 ORION
And... I didn't tell her
the names
182 EPIPHANY
[What names? Does Akuma have a Death Note, too?]
183 ROSEMARY
I stole it.
184 EPIPHANY and ROSEMARY
high-five
185 EVRYN
The names of the aborted
zygotes. Wow, that doesn't make any more sense when I say it.
186 ORION
a)
As their father I
figured it was best left to you.
b)
Now I must go.
c)
If I do not
return by the 18th day of this month, then please do not expect me
at all.
d)
But understand
this, Illybrius.
e)
If you do love me
you will understand that if I am to be with you I must be allowed to leave my
old life behind.
187 OVD
Wow, it
sure would be unfortunate if someone from Onion's past showed up here.
188 EPIPHANY
[OVD, spoilers!]
189 OVD
That
wasn't a spoiler. That was *~SUBTLE FORESHADOWING!~*
190 ORION
I will return.
191 ROSEMARY
When might that be?
192 EPIPHANY
[Whenever he wants more attention, I'm assuming.]
193 ORION
a)
Until then, take
care of her, please.
b)
With love, Orion
Darvin Sri-vaka
194 EVRYN
You idiot, you just gave
your name in front of someone who has a Death Note!
195 EPIPHANY
[Dying is drama and wangsty.]
196 EVRYN
Oh, good point.
197 ORION
You both have my love.
198 EVRYN
EWWWWW!
199 ORION
I just never knew that
till now.
200 ROSEMARY
You're so strange.
201 EPIPHANY
[He is.]
202 EVRYN
I think he gave Akuma AIDS
last week.
203 ILLYBRIUS
I am glad that she is
recovering well.
204 EPIPHANY
[And here I was hoping you'd be silent for the whole ep]
205 ILLYBRIUS
I would have said
something earlier, but Rosemary was doing such a great job, I didn't want to
steal her thunder.
206 ROSEMARY
Thanks!
207 EVRYN
In other news, you need to
learn how to use condoms.
208 ILLYBRIUS
Thank you for this
information.
209 EVRYN
You’re welcome. You know,
I think I’ll have my sister get you a case.
210 ILLYBRIUS
I will be around sporadically
at best as today is a school day for us all; I find it prudent to learn
macroeconomics as it may help us build a better system in Celestia. However, I
will do my best to take care of Miss Akuma. I await your return, whenever
it will be.
211 EPIPHANY
[Let's see if he notices that I replaced the contents of her IV
drip with cooler water.]
212 ROSEMARY
I think it's interesting.
I'm not sure about the actual practical value of that sort of experiment.
213 EVRYN
Rosemary, you're
completely missing the point! It's for SCIENCE!
214 EPIPHANY
[Actually, it's for the lulz.]
215 EVRYN
That too!
216 EPIPHANY
[SCIENCE! and lulz can often coincide.]
217 ILLYBRIUS
Do what you wish with this
information, but if you did not know already, I suppose you have the right to.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Please share your thoughts....