1. TITLE
Akuma and Illybrius Complete Their Bond
2.
Fri, Nov 7,
2008 | 6.35 PM | Akuma’s room
3.
ILLYBRIUS
I am… so… I do not know where to begin! I’ve treated you terribly!
4.
EVRYN
No worse than she deserved, I’m sure.
5.
REIYA
Um, do you remember yesterday at all?
6.
EVRYN
I try not to, just as a general rule.
Why?
7.
REIYA
Earlier today? Do you remember
Epiphany mentioning that Illybrius doesn't give a shit if Akuma lives or dies?
8.
EVRYN
I mean, I also don't. I thought
no-one here except Tokiomi cared about Akuma.
9.
EPIPHANY
[You're
not wrong.]
10.
AKUMA
Greetings, Illybrius. Corri told me
you were wanting to talk, so here I am.
11.
ILLYBRIUS
Orion said that you still cared for
me; yet Usagi said the opposite.
12.
EPIPHANY
[Usagi's infinitely more trustworthy.]
[She
doesn't care about you so much as she wants to own you.]
13.
SIGYN
See, being owned isn't necessarily a
problem. By Akuma, though? Tokiomi, no.
14.
TOKIOMI
... I wasn't going to go there. Not
everyone goes there.
15.
EPIPHANY
[Sometime, I'd like to pull an Ursula and just steal her voice.]
[Then
she'll have to write signs and I won't have to read them.]
16.
DREPANON
She's literally as far away from you as
it is possible to be, and you don't read subtitles. How are you able to catch
what she's saying?
17.
EVRYN
How are YOU?
18.
DREPANON
I'm doing well, thank you.
19.
AKUMA
So is that why you wanted to talk? To
find out the truth?
20.
EVRYN
Trying to get the truth from you
strikes me as an exercise in futility.
21.
ILLYBRIUS
That’s part of it.
22.
EVRYN
So you’re a masochist?
23.
ILLYBRIUS
I do not understand what has been
happening to me emotionally.
24.
EVRYN
It’s called “sobriety,” and it sucks.
25.
ILLYBRIUS
There’s something about Orion that, when
the promise of him is dangled before me, I forget myself completely. However… it… there are… I care about— damn it!
26.
AKUMA
You love him.
27.
EPIPHANY
[No,
I'm pretty sure that's just the date rape pheromones.]
28.
EVRYN
Same difference as far as Akuma's
concerned.
29.
SIGYN
Wait, how is that different from love?
30.
EPIPHANY sighs
irritably, with angry marks.
31.
EVRYN
Why, are you afraid that you're in
love with Meta under false pretenses?
32.
SIGYN
... Of course not.
33.
FLUOU
[Translation:
Well now that you've mentioned it...]
34.
SIGYN
No, not even then! I'm loyal to Meta!
35.
ILLYBRIUS
Despite how Orion makes me fell when he’s nearby—
36.
EVRYN
Wait, what?
37.
ILLYBRIUS
What? Damn it! Despite how Orion
makes me feel when he's nearby—
38.
EVRYN
*cough* Creepy psy-vamp thrall
*cough*
39.
ILLYBRIUS
—I love you as well.
40.
EVRYN
takes a shot
41.
AKUMA
So I have been told.
42.
TOKIOMI
What an insightful line.
43.
EVRYN
... I guess you have a point.
44.
TOKIOMI
Akuma is just the best.
45.
EVRYN
And there it went.
46.
ILLYBRIUS
He makes me forget everything.
47.
EVRYN
Since when is Orion a walking roofie?
48.
OVD
Since always.
49.
EVRYN
…Oh. Right.
50.
ILLYBRIUS
Myself, you, Usagi, Cinnamon,
Pumpkin, Bastion, Corri…
51.
SERLEINA
EMO
ROLL CALL!
52.
ILLYBRIUS
Everything that means just as much to
me.
53.
EVRYN
Since when is Orion Naminé?
54.
OVD
Naminé is better-written than Orion.
55.
EVRYN
This is true.
56.
AKUMA
He is dangerous.
57.
EVRYN
Bella, I really like you, but… I’M DANGEROUS!
58.
EPIPHANY
[
I mean, if he can get somebody to be A-OK with murdering somebody they love as
long as they get his demon dick, he is pretty damn dangerous.]
59.
EVRYN, pointing to Onion
THIS IS THE SKIN OF A WALKING ROOFIE!
AND ALSO A KILLER, BELLA!
60.
SIGYN
So, I'm confused. Are we supposed to NOT
be attracted to Orion, or BE attracted to him?
61.
AKUMA
You know in the back of your mind
that he could reach up and snap your neck at any moment.
62.
EVRYN
I’d like to see him try.
63.
EPIPHANY
[So
could a human!]
64.
TOKIOMI
So could a particularly motivated duck!
65.
SIGYN
... a duck, Toki?
66.
TOKIOMI
Okay, maybe a swan.
67.
EVRYN
LIKE BELLA!
68.
TOKIOMI
... I tried.
69.
SIGYN, deadpan, pins a star to Tokiomi's chest.
70.
AKUMA
You get a thrill from being with him—
71.
EVRYN
It’s called “nausea.”
72.
EPIPHANY
[Either
she's a terrible judge of character, or she's trying to dictate to Illybrius
how Corri WANTS him to feel.]
73.
EVRYN
Or both
74.
REIYA
Actually, Epiphany, we just
established—
75.
EPIPHANY
[This
is my caring face.]
76.
SIGYN
Do you just, like, carry that around with
you at all times?
77.
EPIPHANY
[ I do since it became our top-selling merchandise tee graphic.]
[
I also have it on a mug!]
78.
TOKIOMI
Oh wait, I've seen that mug! Yeah, my
parole officer gave it to me for my birthday!
79.
EVRYN
YOU have a parole officer?
80.
TOKIOMI
I was apparently an accomplice in a
robbery. I just thought the guy needed to move some stuff in a hurry! I had NO
IDEA—
81.
AKUMA
—and I understand that.
82.
EVRYN
Yeah, we believe you, Tokiomi.
83.
TOKIOMI,
;A;
Akuma's so nice.
84.
AKUMA
You don’t need to try so hard to explain.
85.
EVRYN
Awwww. I'm not even going to take
that away from him.
86.
ILLYBRIUS
I am not attracted to the danger in
him.
87.
SIGYN
*scoffs* What DANGER?
88.
TOKIOMI
I think he means Orion?
89.
SIGYN
Oh, yeah.
90.
EVRYN
Wait, she DIDN'T?
91.
SIGYN,
blushing
... I like the danger in Orion.
92.
EVRYN
...oh. Of COURSE you fucking do.
93.
AKUMA
It seems I was wrong, then, about what
attracts you to Onion, then, Kibito.
94.
EVRYN
poses
TREE?
95.
EVRYN,
regular
Also, don’t act like that’s such a rare occurrence.
96.
EPIPHANY
[She's
screaming and crying inside right now because Illybrius popped the bubble
holding Corri's fetishes aloft and sent them burning to the ground.]
97.
EVRYN
Suddenly, I find him much more
likeable!
98.
ILLYBRIUS
I do not know what it is. But, when I’m with him, I… I forget.
99.
EVRYN
We just went over this. He’s a
walking roofie.
100.
ILLYBRIUS
Today, just before class started, we
were all in the library at school. I was thinking about you, and it broke my
heart—
101.
EVRYN
I sympathise. Whenever I think about
her, my brain cells euthanise themselves.
102.
ILLYBRIUS
—when I realised what I must have
done.
103.
AKUMA
Give me a moment. Drake needs to add
another lapis so I don’t hurt myself again.
104.
EPIPHANY
[Good
to know that the only thing keeping you from tearing off your own skin is your
allergies.]
105.
EVRYN
SOMEBODY GET THE GIRL SOME CLARITIN!
106.
AKUMA
I’ll be right back.
107. exit AKUMA. Five minutes. Enter AKUMA.
108.
AKUMA
Back. Sorry for taking so long.
109.
EVRYN
Are you kidding? We loved the
reprieve.
110.
EPIPHANY is reading a mineralogy textbook
111.
FLUOU
stands next to Epiphany holds a sign in Epiphany’s handwriting
[Goddammit
go away I just got to the good part]
112.
AKUMA
I had Drake add three instead of one
to be safe.
113.
EVRYN
You had him poison you extra, to be
safe. Because fuck you, logic!
114.
EPIPHANY, turning a page
115.
FLUOU
holds Epiphany’s sign
[
I hope she gets an unsightly rash]
116.
EVRYN
It's not like it could hurt her
appearance any.
117.
ILLYBRIUS
Usagi assumed I didn’t care for you or him anymore,
because whenever Orion is around, I ignore you without realising it.
118.
EVRYN
Lucky bastard. You get to ignore her
without getting your pay docked.
119.
ILLYBRIUS
I’ve been reading through all the scripts and relevant
backstory.
120.
EVRYN
I take back the part about you being
lucky.
121.
EPIPHANY reads; FLUOU holds her sign
[Try
taking comfort in the beauty of crystal twinning.]
122.
EPIPHANY
turns page; FLUOU holds her sign
[
It's almost working for me as long as Akuma keeps her mouth shut.]
123.
ILLYBRIUS
I love all of you so damned much—
124.
EVRYN takes a shot
125.
ILLYBRIUS
--but it seems I’ve done rather poorly expressing it.
126.
EVRYN
Not necessarily—
127.
AKUMA
I would say so. Even Orion has
noticed.
128.
EVRYN
Shut the fuck up and let me finish.
Americans are socialised to emote everything, all the time. Just because you’re more reserved doesn’t mean you’re bad at expressing love.
129.
AKUMA
He has been trying all day to
convince me to hear you out and when he failed, he called Corri.
130.
EVRYN
Because he wanted to fail harder?
131.
AKUMA
You can thank her, or else I wouldn’t be here.
132.
EVRYN
scowls
I want to kill her.
133.
EPIPHANY,
still reading; FLUOU holds her sign:
[So
do I]
134.
ILLYBRIUS
Usagi wrote that I don’t care for him or for you, and that
even when Orion continues breaking my heart until there’s nothing left, Usagi… I do not know precisely what is
wrong with me. I’ve always been terrible with emotions, but this is… I’ve hurt everybody around me, haven’t I?
135.
AKUMA
Yes, you have. You are becoming the
person you were a long time ago.
136.
ILLYBRIUS
You are right to hate me for it. All
of you.
137.
AKUMA
I can never hate you.
138.
EPIPHANY
turns a page. FLUOU holds her sign:
[Stop trying to be a sparkly saintly selfless angel of purity.]
[ It's really unflattering on you.]
[Kind
of like your face.]
139.
AKUMA
Excuuuuuse yoooou, I'm a DEATH ANGEL.
140.
SIGYN
You're a Death Bagel! You're on the menu
at the Punctuation Shaker!
141.
AKUMA
OH, EAT ME.
142.
SIGYN
I'd rather not. The jelly glaze has
aspartame.
143.
AKUMA
Sue me, OVD.
144.
OVD
For what?
145.
AKUMA,
Akumbob Chicken
tHe JeLlY gLaZe HaS aSpArTaMe~
146.
AHRRY
sO hArDcOrE~
147.
ILLYBRIUS
He told me to tell the truth about
how I felt the other night, but he never said how much of what I said had to be
the truth.
148.
EVRYN
Try all of it.
149.
EPIPHANY
reads; FLUOU holds her sign:
[What
did he have to tell you, "Swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and
nothing but the truth, so help you deity-of-choice"?]
150.
EVRYN
His deity-of-choice would be himself.
151.
ILLYBRIUS
“I wouldn’t turn her away were she to approach
me” was true. The
rest, I said in a sort of fearful, desperate frenzy.
152.
AKUMA
Orion would never turn away a
bedmate. Ever.
153.
EPIPHANY
reads; FLUOU holds her sign:
[And
I suppose you're trying to paint his lack of standards as a good thing?]
154.
EVRYN
Well, yes, since someone would
obviously have to have no standards to sleep with her.
155.
REIYA
Is she slut-shaming Orion?
156.
EVRYN
... I mean, she could be? But I think
she's actually trying to shame Illybrius for not reading Onion's boner-mind.
157.
SIGYN
Except yes he fucking has turned down a
bedmate.
158.
DREPANON
What, did *you* proposition him?
159.
SIGYN
I can see why you would think that, but
no, Cinnamon did. Remember? And he said, "I only sleep with men. Women are
to be respected."
160.
DREPANON
You do an *eerily* accurate impression of
his voice.
161. Sound: Shattering glass
162.
AKUMA
Shit!
Also, #TRIGGERED!
163.
SIGYN
You're welcome~
164.
ILLYBRIUS
It would have been nice to know that
previously.
165.
AKUMA
I’m fine. Just blew up another glass.
166.
EVRYN
Or possibly broke her vagina.
167.
EPIPHANY
reads; FLUOU holds her sign:
[No-one
asked]
168.
EVRYN
It'd be cute how she thinks we care,
if she were actually cute.
169.
AKUMA
You should have asked him. I can get
him for you if you want.
170.
EPIPHANY
reads; FLUOU holds her sign:
[Yes, because that sort of thing is normal and something that it
only makes sense to ask about]
[OH
WAIT]
171.
ILLYBRIUS
I would prefer to speak just with
you.
172.
AKUMA
It’s your choice. I can only abide by it, Illybrius.
173.
EPIPHANY
reads; FLUOU holds her sign:
[Translation:
BAWWWWWW WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO TALK TO ORION? HE'S SO SPESHUL AND AMAZING AND
AN UTTER CREEP BAWWWWWWW]
174.
EVRYN
If he DID want to talk to him, her
reaction would be something along the lines of this:
175.
JEPH
THE CUE CARD GUY
[BAWWWWW WHY DO YOU WANT TO TALK TO
ORION? DO YOU LOVE HIM MORE THAN ME? WHY CAN'T I BE THE ONLY PERSON IN YOUR
LIFE EVER BAWWWWWW]
176.
SIGYN
Yeah, okay, but that makes sense! I mean,
I don't like Akuma, but still, that makes perfect sense!
177.
EVRYN
...I have a question. At the
beginning of your courtship with Meta, did you tell him you wanted him to love
only you and hate everybody else?
178.
SIGYN
Of course not.
179.
EVRYN
That's surprising.
180.
SIGYN
I put it on a T-shirt!
181.
EPIPHANY
reads; FLUOU holds her sign:
[
Illybrius just can't win, can he?]
182.
EVRYN
Not with that wastrel, he can't.
183.
ILLYBRIUS
Is there a way that my emotions can
be less of a mystery?
184.
EVRYN
You mean besides our translations?
Try being more American, like Akuma.
185.
EPIPHANY,
turning page; FLUOU holds her sign
[Seriously.
It's so obvious she's never been to Greece it's not even funny.]
186.
EVRYN
Or Italy, or Japan, for that matter.
187.
AKUMA
I can barely keep control of my
power, much less your emotions at this point.
188.
EVRYN
Did you just imply that you want to
control his emotions?
189.
EPIPHANY
reads; FLUOU holds her sign:
[
I think she's just acting put-upon because pity for her has dropped below
acceptable levels]
190.
EVRYN
No, I think she seriously wants to
control his emotions.
191. a) EPIPHANY looks up, picks up her copy of the
script, and flips through it a bit.
b)
[You're right. I'd read that line wrong.]
192.
DREPANON,
anger marks
193.
EPIPHANY
[Oh,
you shut up.]
194.
DREPANON
I didn't say anything.
195.
SIGYN
Not in words~
196.
DREPANON
Would you remove your hand from my leg,
before I remove it from your wrist?
197.
AKUMA
But maybe you should try writing down
what you feel so you won’t be as confused.
198.
DREPANON,
blushing
Who's confused?!
199.
EVRYN
I assume Illybrius?
200.
ILLYBRIUS
That is so far from what I meant.
201.
AKUMA
I am sorry I don’t understand.
202.
EVRYN
If you were intellectually disabled,
we wouldn’t hold it
against you, but you’re not. You’re just self-centered and don’t understand anything that doesn’t directly have to do with you.
203.
AKUMA
I gave up trying to understand
anything a few nights ago.
204.
EPIPHANY
reads; FLUOU holds her sign:
[That's about the same time when it stopped being all about you,
isn't it?]
[Or
did I get the order of events here wrong?]
205.
EVRYN
Fuck if I know. If she wants
everything to be all about her, why not just stick with a bloody diary?
206.
EPIPHANY
reads; FLUOU holds her sign:
[Because
Corri's fetishes]
207.
EVRYN
Why can't she just write bad Anne
Rice fanfiction, like Stephenie Meyer did?
208.
EPIPHANY
reads; FLUOU holds her sign:
[That is an excellent question.]
[Unfortunately,
I don't have an answer to that one yet]
209.
SIGYN
Firstly, Anne Rice hates it when you
write fanfiction of her stuff. Secondly, Meyer hasn't read anything by Rice.
She made it very clear in interviews that she's never read any actual vampire
literature and just pulled everything out of her bum.
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