Episode 68b. Usagi's Side Quest, part 2 | November 6, 2008 at 8:00 p.m.

 1.       TITLE

Usagi’s Side Quest, part 2

 

2.       November 6, 2008 | 8:00 PM | same setting as before

 

3.                  DÉSMODA

Therefore, I will bond with you.

 

4.                  EVRYN

You're high on Neferbelii’s weed right now, aren’t you?

 

5.                  DÉSMODA

No, but it is in my contract that I have to help these stupid Corri Sues.

 

6.                  EVRYN

You know how Nef’s been Bill Gates’s dealer for years?

 

7.                  DÉSMODA

Yes?

 

8.                  EVRYN

a)  There’s this joke about how Bill Gates and the captain of the Titanic both got into Heaven, but the captain got a better spot.

b)  Gates took this up with God, and God said, “All my angels use Windows. The Titanic only crashed once.”

c)   Moral of the story: Smoking Neferbelii’s weed causes people to ROYALLY FUCK SHIT UP!

 

9.                  AKUMA

You... would? Bond with a thing like me?

 

10.             EVRYN

Honestly? We just went over this.

 

11.             EPIPHANY

[She's just trying to wring more pity out of it.]

[Which is kinda like trying to wring orange juice out of a rock, considering she's talking to Désmoda.]

 

12.             DÉSMODA

Quite frankly, I do not want to put up with those two girls’ rants about having lost you.

 

13.             AKUMA

Thank you. This means so much to me and I promise, it won't be long that I am yours. Just until this body dies.

 

14.             DÉSMODA takes out cue card, squints

Honestly, I don't care. It’s no burden, really.

 

15.             JEPH

[ I love it when other people do my job.]

[Not really.]

[ If the subject fails to respond]

 

16.             OVD

NO.

 

17.             AKUMA

Please allow me to touch your—

 

18.             EVRYN claps hands over ears

La la la, I’m not listening!

 

19.             AKUMA

—mind—

 

20.    DÉSMODA nudges Evryn

 

21.    EVRYN pulls hands away from ears slowly

 

22.             AKUMA

—so I can form it before he feels the other bond dissolving.

 

23.             DÉSMODA

Go ahead.

 

24.             AKUMA

Done. I’m almost yours.

 

25.             EPIPHANY

[ I feel so sorry for you, Dés.]

 

26.             DÉSMODA

I need more weed.

 

27.    EVRYN offers flask

 

28.    DÉSMODA accepts, chugs

 

29.             DÉSMODA

And I can almost get back to watching trashy primetime television.

 

30.             AKUMA

The kiss, then his bond with me will break.

 

31.             DÉSMODA

Very well.

 

32.    DÉSMODA scrunches up face and pecks Akuma’s forehead

 

33.             AKUMA

Thank you, Mistress.

 

34.             DÉSMODA

You're welcome... “darkest death angel.”

 

35.             EPIPHANY

[That is the stupidest title ever, by the way.]

 

36.             EVRYN

It really is.

 

37.             SIGYN

I thought it was "death BAGEL". Bloody Death Bagel, even.

 

38.             EVRYN

That just sounds like a Bond Girl.

 

39.             EUGENIE

I see what you did there. Pun Shame Corner, now!

 

40.             EVRYN

*mutters* sends her own daughter to the Pun Shame Corner... Open up, Marie, I'm coming in.

 

41.    MARIE (Sim House)

It's not that bad! I have tea and cookies!

 

42.             EVRYN

Diiiiid somebody say TEA?!

 

43.             AKUMA

Torin. My new name is Torin, Mistress, and I am yours and yours alone to command.

 

44.             EVRYN

So, how are we going to tell the difference between you and your father?

 

45.             EPIPHANY

[ It's still a really stupid name, btw]

 

46.             EVRYN

It REALLY is.

 

47.             SIGYN

I have an idea that'll get her to change her name back immedi—

 

48.             TOKIOMI

NO. Don't encourage the Illybrius/Original!Torin shippers.

 

49.             SIGYN

Like anything about either of the Torins is original.

 

50.             TOKIOMI

I haven't a clue what you mean.

 

51.             AKUMA TORIN

Akuma died last night due to Illybrius’s dark heart.

 

52.             EPIPHANY

[Nope, nope, I think if that had happened we'd be celebrating right now.]

 

53.             REIYA

I think she means his dong.

 

54.             SIGYN

Okay but what if he and his dark heart called out Torin's name in bed?

 

55.             EVRYN

That's what Tokiomi stopped you from suggesting before, innit?

 

56.             SIGYN

What? It would work! And then whoever placed the bet that she'd go back to being called "Akuma" before the end of this episode would win!

 

57.             DÉSMODA

Illybrius doesn't HAVE a dark heart.

 

58.             EVRYN

In fact, we’re not even entirely sure that he has a heart.

 

59.             AKUMA TORIN

Forgive me for speaking three of him, Mistress.

 

60.             EVRYN

Wait, what?

 

61.             AKUMA TORIN blinks

Oh. Forgive me for speaking ill of him, Mistress.

 

62.             EPIPHANY

[Please tell me this is some sort of creepy numbers thing that'll be important later]

 

63.             EVRYN

No, she just misread the cue card.

 

64.             EPIPHANY

[Dammit.]

 

65.             DÉSMODA

I'll humor you. What happened.

 

66.             AKUMA TORIN

He said he didn't care for me.

 

67.             EVRYN

Can you really blame him?

 

68.             EPIPHANY

[Of course. After all, nothing can possibly be HER fault.]

 

69.             EVRYN

Is it in her contract?

 

70.             OVD

No.

 

71.             EVRYN

Then for the love of Jameson, WHY?

 

72.             ROMAIN

I’m a JD girl, myself. Had my fill of Jameson, back in the day.

 

73.             SERLEINA

HA! THAT’S AMUSING! YOU’LL GET THAT LATER, KIDDIES.

 

74.             DÉSMODA

To you directly, with nobody else in the room?

 

75.             AKUMA TORIN

No. Orion was there too. But it doesn't matter.  Akuma knew he could never love her the way she needed to be loved.

 

76.             DÉSMODA

You're mistaken.

 

77.             EVRYN

As always.

 

78.             AKUMA TORIN

She needed what he could give. Couldn't give, I mean.

 

79.             DÉSMODA

Mi maître is sexually infatuated with Orion. He feared that if he did say he cared for you, he would not be allowed to warm Orion's bed.

 

80.             SIGYN

I mean, we've all been there, right? Right?

 

81.             EPIPHANY

[No.]

[He's a pretty terrible person]

 

82.             DÉSMODA

It's all a matter of perspective.

 

83.             EVRYN

Good to know you're a relativist.

 

84.             DÉSMODA

As was the late, great Marquis de Sade.

 

85.             AKUMA TORIN

It doesn't matter now. Akuma knew what she was doing. And I know what I am doing. Surviving.

 

86.             EPIPHANY

[Translation: BAWWWWWWWWWWWWW]

 

87.             AKUMA TORIN

Should you ever need my Mistress—

 

88.             EVRYN

Wait, what?

 

89.             AKUMA TORIN blinks

Oh. Should you ever need me, Mistress, I am yours to command. For anything at all. Everything.

 

90.             EVRYN

You’re not going to get in her pants!

 

91.             DÉSMODA

I will not get involved with your lot’s arguments. I’m keeping you here because I don't want to hear all the whining that would go on if you left. I don't suppose I shall need you, but the offer is a nice gesture. I'm going back to CMT to watch cheerleader tryouts.

 

92.             AKUMA TORIN

Thank you.

 

93.    exit DÉSMODA

 

94.             USAGI

She's a right breath of venomous air, isn't she?

 

95.             EPIPHANY

[ If by "venomous" you mean "fresh".]

 

96.             EVRYN

Yeah, I like her, but for some reason he doesn't.

 

97.             MARIE

There are plenty of reasons not to like her, but not putting up with Akuma isn't one of them.

 

98.             AKUMA TORIN

Don't speak of my mistress that way, please. My bond compels me to defend her.

 

99.             EPIPHANY

[Can it compel you to dance barefoot on a floor littered with d4s and Lego blocks?]

 

100.        EVRYN

Hey, Désmoda! Epi's got an idea for you!

 

101.        DÉSMODA, offstage

Sorry, can’t hear you over the cheerleader tryouts!

 

102.        USAGI

I only speak the truth. Besides, she is my master’s priestess— I can’t see her harmed, but I ain’t got no qualms about badmouthing her.

 

103.        AKUMA TORIN

Very well

 

104.        USAGI

Just be glad she don't need a sex kitten. She's damn brutal, according to her cousin.

 

105.        AKUMA TORIN

Thank you for helping me. I owe you. And I wouldn't mind. It’s part of what the bond entails.

 

106.        EVRYN

I think she's actually disappointed that it won't happen.

 

107.        EPIPHANY

[She exists only to be a vehicle for Corri's assorted fetishes.]

[Of course she takes absolutely every opportunity to copulate.]

 

108.        USAGI

Don't mention it. If it ever DOES happen, you can compare notes with K.

 

109.        AKUMA TORIN

I will be sure to.

 

110.        EPIPHANY

[Translation: If it ever happens, you and everyone else I can force to listen will hear about it in extreme detail for the next several days.]

 

111.        OVD

As long as we can get scripts out of it, I don't care.

 

112.        EVRYN

Go fuck a toaster, OVD.

 

113.  EUGENIE should say something, but doesn't.

 

114.        OVD

Right, then. Good looking out.

 

115.        USAGI

Just, please, leave me out of it.

 

116.        AKUMA TORIN

Promise. However, anything you ever need, please don't hesitate to ask.

 

117.        EPIPHANY

[Translation: SEXPLZ?]

 

118.        EVRYN

Congratulations, Akuma. You just made Usagi even gayer. She's like those cannabis plants grown indoors where the breeders isolate the female plants from the males so the females get all sexually frustrated and produce extra resin so people can get a stronger hit from the bud.

 

119.        USAGI

Could use a distraction. The newlyweds are fucking in the next room n’ I’m tempted to rip Oreo’s head off. Both of ‘em.

 

120.        AKUMA TORIN

You would have my help. I hold, you cut.

 

121.        EPI, rolling eyes

[Sure thing, Akuma.]

 

122.        USAGI

Thanks. Glad to know I ain’t the only one who wants to cut his parts off.

 

123.        AKUMA TORIN

He raped me. Of course I have a reason.

 

124.        REIYA

According to you, didn’t both Orion and Illybrius rape you?

 

125.        SIGYN

Yeah, but she’s in love with one of them, so it’s different.

 

126.        AKUMA TORIN

Maybe.... One day... Do you like to fly?

 

127.  CUE MUSIC: Someday I’ll Fly Away

 

128.        EPIPHANY

[Translation: BAWWWWWWW DON'T TRY TO MAKE IT ABOUT YOU BAWWWWWW]

 

129.        EVRYN

Sudden change of subject, ahoy!

 

130.        EPIPHANY

[Nothing Usagi said prompted her sharing that at all.]

[The line seems shoehorned in.]

 

131.        EVRYN

Of course it's shoehorned in. She LIKES it and all the attention it brings her.

 

132.        USAGI

Uh… never tried it.

 

133.        REIYA

Yeah, cause you're kind of a rabbit. If you were flying, that means something has gone horribly wrong.

 

134.        EVRYN

Like snatched by an eagle? Or a Falcon, even?

 

135.        EUGENIE

And that's why you're in the Corner.

 

136.        EVRYN

a)  Mummy puts her baby in a corner.

b)  ...

c)   Okay, no, I hear it now.

 

137.        ROMAIN

Yo, Reiya, didn’t you refer to Usagi as a duck earlier?

 

138.        EPIPHANY

[Flying's nothing special.]

[The annoying part is the security checks.]

[And the idiots asking you where your parents are.]

 

139.        SIGYN

I know, right?

 

140.        TOKIOMI

Epiphany doesn't CHOOSE to present herself as a young child.

 

141.        SIGYN

What? I like picking men up at the airport.

 

142.        EPIPHANY

[ew]

 

143.  EVRYN: a horrified expression.

 

144.        AKUMA TORIN

I was thinking about taking you up with me.

 

145.        REIYA

Don't you mean, up in you?

 

146.  ZOOM IN on Evryn's horrified expression, then pan down to Epiphany's "ew" sign

 

147.        USAGI

Uh, thanks. But I get motion sick sometimes.

 

148.        EVRYN

If that's what you call it.

 

149.        AKUMA TORIN

Then maybe a walk through the woods with me in my animal form?

 

150.        EPIPHANY

[Translation: LET ME SHOW OFF HOW SPARKLY SPESHUL I AM!]

 

151.        EVRYN

Even taking into account the fact that just about everyone has an animal form?

 

152.        EPIPHANY

[Yup.]

[ I mean, it's a sparkly speshul ~color-flipped~ tiger form]

[She probably thinks it's all graceful and majestic or some crap]

 

153.        REIYA

When in reality, she sucks so hard the palate changed. Like in JoJo's Bizarre Adventures!

 

154.        EVRYN

Knowing Akuma, she thinks her shits are diamonds and her farts perfume.

 

155.        REIYA

Like in Empress Orchid!

 

156.        EVRYN

You know, if you point out every time there's a reference to something—

 

157.        REIYA

It'll make the Apologies easier?

 

158.        EVRYN

We don't do that segment anymore!

 

159.        USAGI

I’ll be in my animal form too, once I figure out how to get human again after.

 

160.        AKUMA TORIN

I could probably help teach you. And I promise not to try to scare you as a bunny in my tiger form. Promise.

 

161.        EPIPHANY rolls eyes

[How ~considerate~]

 

162.        USAGI

Good, cuz getting eaten’s not how I like to make friends.

 

163.        TOKIOMI

No.

 

164.        SIGYN

I didn't say anything!

 

165.        TOKIOMI

Yet.

 

166.        EVRYN

You mean, unlike Akuma?

 

167.        SIGYN

THAT'S WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY!

 

168.        TOKIOMI

Ohhh, I thought you were going to say unlike yourself.

 

169.        DREPANON

And she wonders why we aren't friends.

 

170.        REIYA

Wait, is this about vore?

 

171.        TOKIOMI, SIGYN, AND EVRYN

No.

 

172.        REIYA

a)  Ohhhhh.

b)  ...

c)   That's a shame.

 

173.        DREPANON

It’s about eating pussy.

 

174.        REIYA

No thank you! Also, Tokiomi, should you be saying things like that about your niece?

 

175.        TOKIOMI

One, we’re not blood-related. Two, she doesn’t care if she’s my niece. Trust me.

 

176.        EVRYN

Oi, you know that bag I had on set the first day that I needed when I first saw Akuma? Can someone bring that to me, please?

 

177.        MARIE

I don't have any paper bags, but you can have the Puke Pot.

 

178.        EVRYN, whining

It smells like copper, though.

 

179.        MARIE

The good news is that it won't when you're done!

 

180.        USAGI

One of many things I don't have in common with the Starling cousins, apparently.

 

181.        REIYA

You mean, not wanting to be eaten?

 

182.        AKUMA TORIN

I will eat before we meet, okay?

 

183.        REIYA

Oh you mean so you won't vore him while you're there?

 

184.        AKUMA TORIN

And memorize your scent.

 

185.        USAGI

That last one’s kinda creepy, but sure.

 

186.        EPIPHANY

[While the fact that she might eat you because she's hungry even if she knows who you are is more overtly scary.]

[Well, for you.]

[For me it would just be slightly more irritating than Akuma normally is.]

 

187.        EVRYN

That's still more irritation than I'd care to undergo. I was going to give her the benefit of the doubt and — stop laughing, Mum!

 

188.        EUGENIE

*cackles!*

 

189.        EVRYN

--assume that she just doesn't want the fact that tigers and rabbits have wildly different diets to get in the way of their time together.

 

190.        AKUMA TORIN

Don't worry. It will keep you safe and I will memorize you as a friend.

 

191.        USAGI

Sure.

 

192.        EPIPHANY

[Translation: Suuuuuuuuuuure]

 

193.        AKUMA TORIN

You... won’t leave too, right?

 

194.  USAGI shrugs

 

195.        USAGI

At least, not for a soulless numbnuts.

 

196.        AKUMA TORIN

No, I mean, you won’t do like Illybrius and everyone else did, right? You know, just play with my emotions and leave me broken again?

 

197.  >CUE MUSIC: Broken by Seether

 

198.        SIGYN

FUCKING CRY MOAR ALREADY.

 

199.        SERLEINA

Says the girl who was hospitalized for separation anxiety.

 

200.        SIGYN

Yes, but I wasn't that fucking STUPID AND WANGSTY about—

 

201.        DREPANON

The jury's still out on that.

 

202.        OVD

Sei-Sei, new rule! You may not have access to the snack table until Drepanon has had his fill.

 

203.        SEI-SEI, offstage

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.

 

204.        OVD

Hey, stuffing his face keeps him shut up.

 

205.        EPIPHANY

[Getting back on topic, Akuma makes it sounds like Usagi CARES!]

 

206.        EUGENIE AND EPIPHANY

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

 

207.        USAGI

He wasn’t playing with your emotions. I bet he really didn’t know what to say when Orion asked him that question.

 

208.        AKUMA TORIN

I will never open my heart again.

 

209.        SIGYN

*imitates a car alarm, but with Wah and Angst*

 

210.        DREPANON

YOU'RE ONE TO TALK.

 

211.        EVRYN

You call that "talking", old man?

 

212.        DREPANON

It's hard to differentiate.

 

213.        EPIPHANY

[It's okay, Akuma. You shouldn't be performing open-heart surgery on yourself to begin with]

 

214.        AKUMA TORIN

This is my last life, Usagi. After this, I pass on.

 

215.        EVRYN

Quick, somebody kill her!

 

216.        USAGI

S’good, because, and no offense to your new mistress or anything, but she’s a cold-hearted bitch.

 

217.        SERLEINA

ARF!

 

218.        USAGI

Total ice queen.

 

219.  CUE MUSIC: Ice Queen

(just the opening instrumentation though)

 

220.        AKUMA TORIN

Well, it’s just that life holds nothing else for me now. I see no point in staying.

 

221.        EVRYN

Then don’t!

 

222.        EPIPHANY

[Seriously, stop whining and just GTFO.]

 

223.        DREPANON

Hey, I like your attitude!

 

224.        ROMAIN

Word to that.

 

225.        EPIPHANY

[Are you trying to test the limits of what can't kill me?]

[Because I've done that. Rigorously.]

[ I recorded the results.]

 

226.        DREPANON

. . . I don't think I want to know what you're trying to say.

 

227.        TOKIOMI

OVD, can I fucking MapQuest some kind of food place and get him out of here?

 

228.        OVD

Please do.

 

229.        SIGYN opens mouth

 

230.        TOKIOMI, loudly

OKAY, 0.5 miles, there's a John Kelly Chocolates. Go wild.

 

231.        USAGI

He still loves you, whether he knows it or not, and I don’t care if you care anymore because I'm just telling the truth. He’s distracted by cookie boy. It'll pass.

 

232.        EPIPHANY

[Translation: Seriously, stop whining and just GTFO.]

 

233.        EVRYN

Or get a fucking hobby.

 

234.        AKUMA TORIN

I should never have told him. That was my downfall. My finals, in.

 

235.        EVRYN

Stop being melodramatic. It’s very annoying and/or incomprehensible.

 

236.        EPIPHANY

[Speaking of finals, I could be lounging on my couch, at home, studying for my astrophysics exam next week]

[ It would be time better spent.]

[OVD, why the fuck don't I have a couch to lounge/study on here?]

 

237.        OVD

Because the Corri Sues would try to copulate on it and we'd have to clean it after every episode.

 

238.        USAGI

Not a sin, but prolly a dumb movie.

 

239.        EVRYN

Or, say, TV SHOW?!

 

240.        USAGI

Oh. Dumb move. He likes to chase.

 

241.        AKUMA TORIN

No. I am sin incarnate.

 

242.        EPIPHANY

[AND YET NOTHING IS EVER YOUR FAULT]

 

243.        EVRYN

Although that would explain why she's ugly-as-sin. With an S, mind.

 

244.        CIN

Hey, I’m not offended. I actually read the subtitles, most of the time.

 

245.        AKUMA TORIN

The only reason I stayed here was so I wouldn't hurt Drake or Corri. After they go, I follow them one way or another.

 

246.  CUE MUSIC: One Way or Another by Blondie

 

247.        EVRYN

That makes sense, considering that you and Drake are both Corri’s sock puppets.

 

248.        USAGI

Your choice, but you’re not as bad as you think.

 

249.        EVRYN

You're worse.

 

250.        AKUMA TORIN

It seems only now that I find people who I can call friends.

 

251.        EVRYN

Really? Because there's one born every minute.

 

252.        USAGI

a)  If you were as bad as you're saying, you wouldn't give two shits.

b)  You wouldn't be so down on yourself, because you wouldn't care how you were.

c)   I sound just like him right now, don't I?

d)  No matter which of us you turn to, we’re all gonna tell you the same thing because it’s the truth.

 

253.        EPIPHANY

[Translation: Seriously, stop whining and just GTFO.]

 

254.        TOKIOMI

Why does Team Falcon get away with having a hivemind and calling it "the truth", but everyone bags on Team Corri for doing the same thing?

 

255.        EVRYN

Because Team Falcon's got friends in Production, is why, and we're all totally biased.

 

256.        TOKIOMI

... Oh.

 

257.        EVRYN

Does that answer your question, smart-arse?

 

258.        TOKIOMI

Surprisingly well, actually.

 

259.        AKUMA TORIN

I used to be different. I was a warrior once.

 

260.        EVRYN

Well, now you're an annoying weeaboo.

 

261.        USAGI

You was a warrior and I was a scared little kid that liked to play dress-up.

 

262.        EVRYN

Transla— Epi, hold up the sign again.

 

263.  EPIPHANY holds up the sign again and waves it a bit for good measure

 

264.        AKUMA TORIN

Now I am a slave—

 

265.        EVRYN

By your own bloody choice.

 

266.        AKUMA TORIN

—and I know my place.

 

267.        EVRYN

Six feet under?

 

268.        EPIPHANY

[ In a coffin made entirely of bullshit.]

 

269.        EVRYN

That sounds smelly.

 

270.        AKUMA TORIN

I have no honor or pride left.

 

271.        EVRYN

That's for sure.

 

272.        EPIPHANY

[Did she ever?]

 

273.        EVRYN

Yeah, but she underwent total Spikeification before the show.

 

274.        OVD

You mean Badass Decay.

 

275.        EVRYN

No, I mean Spikeification, if this is 2008.

 

276.        SERLEINA

ANACHRONISMS, OVD!

 

277.        OVD

*fart noise*

 

278.        AKUMA TORIN

I can teach you. To fight, I mean. If you want.

 

279.        FLUOU

[Translation: She's going to try to rape you and you'd better know how to get away.]

 

280.        TOKIOMI

*mutters* I wish Akuma had been around five years ago.

 

281.        EVRYN

FUCKING WHY?! No, I'm serious. WHY DO YOU LIKE HER?!

 

282.        TOKIOMI

... it's more because of what Fluou said she could teach, is the thing.

 

283.  EUGENIE makes a face of complete and utter despair.

 

284.        EPIPHANY

[Akuma veers off subject like that a lot, doesn't she?]

 

285.        EVRYN

I wonder what pirate sex is like?

 

286.        EPIPHANY

[ARRRRRRRgasmic]

 

287.  EVRYN squees.

 

288.  EPIPHANY grins

 

289.        EUGENIE

I'm too grossed-out by what Tokiomi implied to even send you to the Corner. Be grateful, Epi.

 

290.        OVD

Speaking of pirates, I wonder if anyone's pirated this show?

 

291.        EVRYN

Don't be silly. That implies that someone actually wants to watch it.

 

292.        SERLEINA

a)  TEXT MESSAGE!

b)     Well would you look at that. It's from Onion's mom. She says she downloaded every single episode to a DVD and sells them at PTA bake sales. Thanks, Onion's mom! You really do have it going on!

 

293.        USAGI

I know how to fight. You ain't no damn slave, so stop saying it, and if you say it one more time, I'm gonna hit you upside the head.

 

294.        AKUMA TORIN

Yes, sir. Maybe we can spar sometime.

 

295.        USAGI

Heh, sure thing.

 

296.        AKUMA TORIN

That would be nice.

 

297.        USAGI

I’ll borrow Illybrius’s halberd and you can borrow Miney’s.

 

298.        AKUMA TORIN

I have my own weapons. I made several copies of Claw and Fang.

 

299.        EPIPHANY

[Translation: I'm too sparkly speshul for YOUR weapons]

 

300.        AKUMA TORIN

Shit. BRB. Orion’s after me.

 

301.        FLUOU

[Translation: Stop calling me out on my bullshit!]

 

302.  exit AKUMA TORIN.

 

303.  Five minutes later…

 

304.  enter AKUMA TORIN

 

305.        AKUMA TORIN

Well, that didn't go well. Bastard.

 

306.        USAGI

Join the hate club. We have signature knives.

 

307.        AKUMA TORIN

Where do I sign?

 

308.        USAGI

On Orion’s nuts after you tear them off.

 

309.        AKUMA TORIN

Sounds nice. Can I make him eat them too?

 

310.        EPIPHANY

[Oh come on.]

[ I hate the guy as much as anyone, but teabagging his corpse?]

[Do you grief people on Halo, too?]

 

311.        SIGYN

I don't understand what's wrong with either of those things.

 

312.        EVRYN

YOU play Halo? YOU? Miss "I don't think anyone should have hobbies"?

 

313.        SIGYN

Meta plays Halo.

 

314.        EVRYN

...and he griefs people. No, you know what, I'm not even surprised.

 

315.        USAGI

I don't think that would make Illybrius really happy, but if you want, I can have Oleander make some clones of Orion and you can use them as target practice.

 

316.        EPIPHANY, D=

[WHY WOULD WE WANT TO HAVE MORE OF HIM]

 

317.        EVRYN

For target practise!

 

318.        EPIPHANY

[At least one of him would escape! Do you read science fiction?!]

 

319.        SIGYN

Don't be silly. There are more of us than there would be of him, and SOME of us have good reflexes.

 

320.        EPIPHANY

[Did you just take a dig at my mobility issues?]

 

321.        SIGYN

What are you going to do, run after me and strangle me?

 

322.        EPIPHANY

[ I have some ideas...]

 

323.        AKUMA TORIN

Even better. And I don't care what would make Illybrius happy.

 

324.        EPIPHANY

[And yet you expect him to give a damn about what makes you happy?]

 

325.        AKUMA TORIN

Of course!

 

326.        USAGI

In this one story I read, there was a woman who castrated this one guy by piercing his nuts with her stiletto heel, then making him eat them one at a time.