1. TITLE
A Dog Named Dio
2.
November 6,
2008 | 9:15 AM
3.
SIGYN
Awww, that’s sweet, Conny was your first! That’s adorable!
4.
REIYA
Yeah, too bad Conny isn't.
5.
CIN
I mean, she looks okay? But she's got
such a horrible personality.
6.
SIGYN
And no, I didn’t mean anything by telling you that; it’s in the past. As for me and sex—
7.
AKUMA
Oh my God, do we really care?
8.
EVRYN
That's "interesting",
coming from you.
9.
SIGYN
—well, I’m fairly open about my sex life.
10.
EPIPHANY
[WE'VE
NOTICED.]
11.
SIGYN
Meta and I are very active and if I
had my way we’d be at it seven
times a day or so.
12.
DROSSEL
Miseri texted Conny and said I’m dating Stevie.
13.
SIGYN
Stevie also told me you were dating
her, but that was before you got married, like, the Thursday right before I
graduated. Miseri’s a drama queen.
14.
CORRI
If you think Miseri is a Drama queen,
wait until you meet—
15.
AKUMA
No, Corri! Spoilers! Although, you're
right. She hasn't met the literal Queen of Drama.
16.
SIGYN
She tried to convince me that Meta
had, like, a harem of girls while I was gone.
17.
AKUMA
And you DIDN'T believe her?
18.
EVRYN
... Akuma, you're scaring me.
19.
AKUMA
What? Why?
20.
EVRYN
Because you're saying things that are
making me side with you.
21.
a)
EPIPHANY
[I haven't had an experience this ominous since...]
[On
second thought, I don't want to talk about it.]
b) AKUMA
Is that a prompt to ask more about
it?
c) EVRYN
No, she really doesn’t want to talk
about it.
d) AKUMA
How strange…
22.
SIGYN
She’s just like that because no one will
go out with her for long, so she doesn’t want anyone else to be happy either.
23.
DROSSEL,
:’(
Do you talk to Miseri? Can you do me
a favor?
24.
EPIPHANY
[Let
me guess. You want to ask Miseri to take out a loan for you.]
25.
SIGYN
Not since she tried to have Peter and
Savanah killed.
26.
EPIPHANY
[WHAT.]
27.
CORRI
Why are you surprised? That kind of thing
happens all the time.
28.
CIN
Yes, yes it does.
29.
EPIPHANY
[Not
in my neighborhood, it doesn't!]
30.
EPIPHANY
sniffles
[And
not in Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, either.]
31.
EVRYN
Awww, you watch Mr. Rogers'
Neighborhood?
32.
EPIPHANY
[Who
DOESN'T watch Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood?]
33.
TOKIOMI
Sigyn's not allowed to.
34.
EPIPHANY,
O_O
[.
. . ]
35.
TOKIOMI
I would prefer not to elaborate.
36.
EPIPHANY
[I
would also prefer that you not elaborate.]
37.
CORRI
Aww man, I wanted to hear that.
38.
TOKIOMI
No. No, you didn't. Believe me.
39.
CORRI
But...
40.
ORION
Don't worry, Corri. I'll exto— I mean,
persuade him to tell me later. We have ways of making him talk.
41.
TOKIOMI
Please don't, I'm out of Vaseline.
42.
AKUMA
I was just going to suggest asking him
nicely. Later. When the buzzkill with the signs isn't around.
43.
DROSSEL
Oh… never mind. Wanted to catch her in a lie.
44.
CORRI
How ironic! I love it. I don't know what
the signs girl and the Australian girl are always complaining about, this show
isn't that bad. It would be even better if you let me write more of it, though.
45.
EVRYN
Firstly, I'm not Australian, you
hick. Secondly, you REALLY think this show isn't that bad? REALLY.
46.
CORRI
I write approximately 33.3-bar percent of
it. It can't be THAT bad. It's just the OTHER 66.6-bar percent I object to.
Like everybody talking trash about my writing. I'm a great writer!
47.
TOKIOMI
I agree.
48.
EPIPHANY
[...
You are entitled to your opinion.]
49.
TOKIOMI
My main problem is when people act like
she's a bad person just because they don't like her writing. For example,
calling her a rape fetishist just because most of her villains so far happen to
be rapists. That a pretty villainous thing to do, is it not?
50.
EPIPHANY
[IT'S
SO CHEAP THOUGH]
51.
EVRYN
To be fair, so is Akuma.
52.
TOKIOMI
That attitude is not helpful.
53.
EPIPHANY
[She
could make them do something interesting that's evil, like murdering the
protagonist's dog in a fire.]
54.
AKUMA
No! Not Dio!
55.
EPIPHANY
[You
watched JoJo's Bizarre Adventure?]
56.
AKUMA
Of course I did! Corri LOVES vampires,
she thinks they're tragic and romantic, and so when I got a dog, she named him
Dio, after her favorite character!
57.
EPIPHANY
[The
guy who kills dogs in a fire just to make sure his stepbrother can't have
anything good in his life?]
58.
CORRI
He's such a complex and dark yet lovable
character. And no, I'm not going to pull a Dio on Dio. Rape gets the job done.
There's a reason it's a classic.
59.
EVRYN
ERM.
60.
EPIPHANY,
O_O
[.
. . ]
61.
CORRI
Glad we could come to an agreement.
62.
SIGYN
Miseri will get hers eventually. I
believe in karma.
63.
EVRYN
And also the screenwriters.
64.
SIGYN
Yeah, Conny stopped talking to me when I
asked her to stop asking me about loan stuff.
65.
EPIPHANY
[Almost
as though she was only interacting with you to get money out of you.]
66.
TOKIOMI
I hate it when that happens.
67.
SIGYN
I tried to get her a message telling
her that Miseri’s lying, but I couldn’t get ahold of her, so I messaged Kodi and asked her to pass
it on. I wasn’t trying to be a
bitch or anything.
68.
SERLEINA
Arf.
69.
SIGYN
I just don’t know anything about banking and
loans, and I don’t make enough money to help anyone except the guy I’m planning to shack up with, y’know?
70.
CORRI
If Drepanon was here, he'd probably say
something like "Over my dead body!"
71.
CIN
Mmm, Drepanon's dead body.
72.
SIGYN
But I’m on your guys’ side and I want things to work out
for you.
73.
DROSSEL
Thank you. I know. I think I was
overbearing too.
74.
SIGYN
She says you get pissed off when she
accuses you of cheating. I get it—it sucks to be constantly accused of
something you don’t do, and that’s why I try to make sure that it’s not just you saying Miseri’s a liar.
75.
DROSSEL
I want Conny to OK us talking.
76.
EVRYN
After having been talking for this
long now? Really, Drossel?
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