Episode 50. Drossel's Family Hates Conny, part 2 | November 4, 2008 at 4:22 p.m.

 TITLE

Drossel's Family Hates Conny

 

November 4, 2008  | 4:22 PM

 

Tokiomi’s apartment

 

3 EVRYN

Clearly, Drossel’s question was the most urgent of questions.

 

4 MARIE

Maybe he just realized it was such a stupid question, he shouldn't ask? Perhaps the answer was obvious, so he no longer felt the need to ask it.

 

5 SIGYN

I have a favor to ask you.

Meta’s phone is out of service.

My friend Fred is trying to figure out what’s going on.

Can you pass that message onto Meta, please?

I can try to help you, too, but just so you know, I can’t help with anything money-related.

I don’t have any money myself.

 

6 EVRYN

Well, clearly.

You're both students at a government-funded trade school for low-income students.

Why would he expect you to have any money?

In fact, this whole scam doesn't make any sense,

 I mean, you'd think if you knew anyone well enough,

 with enough money to support you,

 you wouldn't be at Job Corps in the first place.

Why doesn't that occur to Drossel?

He should be targeting sugar momma types.

 

7 MARIE

I'm going to assume they're just trying to cast as wide a net as possible.

 

8 EVRYN

They're casting a wide net in shallow water, though, that's all been fished out.

 

9 MARIE

I never said they were smart!

 

10 DROSSEL

I know you can’t and if I see him, I will.

- Is there anyone who you know who has a job who’s willing to take a loan for me?

 

11 EPIPHANY, e_e

[Here we go again!]

 

12 EVRYN

 Right, Marie, he's really not smart.

 

13 DROSSEL

I will pay back and give $1,000 extra for helping.

 

14 EPIPHANY, e_e

[Sure you will.]

 

15 SIGYN

Conny asked me that, too.

 I don’t know anyone who can help with that.

 Most of my friends don’t have income and if they do, it’s disability or cash aid.

 

16 EVRYN

I thought you didn’t *have* any friends.

 

17 DROSSEL

Is there family?

 

18 EVRYN

You should have gone straight to Tokiomi if you want money for some random bullshit.

Not that he would necessarily have much,

 because again,

 if he had enough to comfortably support her for the rest of her life,

 she WOULDN'T HAVE GONE TO POOR PEOPLE SCHOOL.

 

19 SIGYN

I don’t think any of them would be willing to do a favor for one of my friends, either.

 

20 EVRYN

The friends you don’t have.

 

21 SIGYN

They’re kind of tired of me asking for things for Meta, you know?

 

22 EVRYN

Wait, does this include Tokiomi?

 

23 SIGYN

Of course it does, don't be daft.

 

24 DROSSEL

Yeah, I mean, it’s for a good cause.

 

25 EVRYN

Though that’s really not for you to decide.

Fun fact! Did you know that pressuring and manipulating people into giving you money makes you an asshole?

 

26 EVRYN AND EPIPHANY ^5

 

27 SIGYN

I know that, but people are tired of me asking for stuff for other people.

Even if I was asking for myself, everyone around me’s pretty tapped out.

 

28 EVRYN

Also, people tend not to appreciate being asked for money all the time. It makes a friendship feel rather shallow.

 

29 MARIE

I mean, in this case, it is in fact extremely shallow because they don't see Sigyn as a friend, they see her as a mark.

 

30 SIGYN

a)  And when it comes to money, I mean, I don’t know anyone who actually has any, other than one person who’s already paying for my boyfriend’s phone, and he’s only doing that much because his wife asked him to.

b)  If I ask him for anything else, it’ll just be a burden.

c)   I know you’re doing the right thing, taking Emmit in and giving him a home--

 

31 MARIE

NO. No, they are not doing the right thing. If they cannot support a child, they should not be getting a child. ESPECIALLY a child with a disability. You know, they screen for sound finances during the adoption process, so we already know this isn't a legal adoption.

 

32 SIGYN

a)  --but you and your wife desperately need jobs if you’re going to support a child.

b)  Kids are ridiculously expensive.

 

33 MARIE

And this child has a disability and is therefore going to be even more expensive than usual. That's not a knock against kids with disabilities; I was a kid with a disability and now I'm an adult with a disability.

 

34 EVRYN

Right, that's just common sense. Obviously, special needs require special efforts and special expenses. That's all there is to it.

 

35 SIGYN

a)  Have you talked to your CTS about finding work?

b)  Maybe not tell them the exact situation, but let them know you need a job right away.

 

36 EVRYN

I see someone’s still idealistic about the usefulness of Job Corps staff.

 

37 SIGYN

Well, yes. I, unlike my boyfriend, am a rootsy tree.

 

38 EVRYN poses

Tree?

 

39 SIGYN

Hai! Boku-wa kibito da!

 

40 EVRYN

"Boku"?

 

41 SIGYN

Sometimes, yes.

 

42 EPIPHANY

[Huh.]

[Okay, then.]

[Now, about the side nonplot.]

[How do what's-his-face and the other lady think it's a great idea to take in a kid they can't afford just because their pregnant friend can't afford him, either?]

 

43 DREPANON

Not that I care, either, but their names are Drossel, Conny, and Hanna, and you would know that if you read the--

 

44 SERLEINA

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

 

45 DREPANON

Am I going to have to put you across my knee?

 

46 SERLEINA

I'm sure the Audience would be glad to take my place for that. So, no.

 

47 EPIPHANY

[Why doesn't the pregnant friend just ask for the money directly?]

 

48 DREPANON

Hanna.

 

49 EPIPHANY

[Hashutup.]

[This is not a very well-constructed scam.]

 

50 EVRYN

My guess is that either there's no Hanna, and therefore no Emmit, or Hanna doesn't really need money and/or isn't giving away her baby and so Drossel and Conny are just making this up.

 

51 SERLEINA

Like this scam, that sentence was poorly-constructed.

 

52 EVRYN

Leave me a--

 

53 MARIE

LOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN

 

54 SERLEINA

Give me a Pop-Tart.

 

55 EVRYN

Tell Ahrry to stop eating yours!

 

56 AHRRY

I WILL NEVER STOP! POP TARTS!

 

57 MARIE

Luckily, I'm not subsidizing his pop-tarts. And neither is my husband, who is the one who has the money (and isn’t talking in the background this time.)

 

58 AHRRY

This financial situation does not make sense, but that's okay! I would buy my own Pop-Tarts, but I am a donkey and am therefore not allowed in most grocery or convenience stores.

 

59 SERLEINA

THAT'S QUITTER'S TALK! ARE YOU REALLY GONNA LET THAT STOP YOU? DROP DOWN AND GIVE ME 55!

 

60 DREPANON

Would you kindly stop mocking me.

 

61 SERLEINA

CHIN UP, PRINCESS, OR THE CROWN SLIPS!

 

62 SERLEINA & AHRRY ^5