1.
TITLE
Rose Is Not
An Event
2.
SETTING
Illybrius’s
or Orion’s room
3.
Sat, Nov 8, 2008; 7.22 PM
4.
ILLYBRIUS
What happened?
5.
ORION
My… daughter…
6.
EPIPHANY
[That
is not an event.]
7.
EVRYN
No, but the sale on her vagina is.
8.
ILLYBRIUS
And Caleb’s?
9.
EVRYN
I don’t think Caleb has a vagina to sell.
10.
LENA
The world may never know.
11.
ORION
If she… lives, I am giving her to Caleb.
12.
EPIPHANY
[I
was about to point out that people aren't bartering goods, but then I
remembered that Corri thinks slavery is sexy and glamourous.]
13.
ILLYBRIUS
Your child and Akuma’s, I presume.
14.
ORION
No. She’s just mine. Mine and Jess’s. My ex-mate.
15.
EVRYN
If it’s yours and Jess’s, it’s not
“just yours”, is it?
16.
EPIPHANY
[It’s
bad that he had to ask.]
17.
ILLYBRIUS
I see. Akuma told me you’re running low on energy.
18.
EVRYN
And yet he keeps talking and talking
and talking and talking…
19.
DREPANON
Now you know how I feel.
20.
EPIPHANY
[No.]
[We really don't.]
[Your
feelings are stupid and you should feel stupid.]
21.
ORION
I… had to keep her alive. When I could serve my
punishment, they killed Jess and almost did the same to Rose.
22.
EPIPHANY
[.
. . What is your punishment, what is it for, why couldn't you serve it
previously, what event changed that, and how does them executing your wife and
only nearly executing your daughter logically follow from it?]
23.
ORION
STOP POKING HOLES IN MY STORY! I HATE
YOU!
24.
EPIPHANY
[WOW
GUESS WHO HATES YOU]
25.
DESMODA
Oh, I know this one! What is…
“Everyone”?
26.
ALEX
THE CUSTODIAN GUY
Dammit…
27.
ALEX gives Désmoda a FUCK
28.
DESMODA
Oh… No, thank you. I prefer not to be
given these so much as just, you know, stealing them.
29.
ALEX
Okay, I see why they hired you!
30.
MARIE’S
SIM HOUSE
♪ YIIIIIKES ♪
31.
EVRYN
Also, let me point out that he didn’t
say he couldn’t serve his punishment. He said he could.
32.
EPIPHANY
[THAT
MAKES EVEN LESS SENSE!]
33.
ILLYBRIUS
I see. Is the child alright now?
34.
ORION
Caleb… he did all he could. We still don’t know. So I’ve been feeding her my energy.
35.
EPIPHANY
[“Caleb did all he could” is NOT an answer to the question!]
[Do
you know how conversations work, Onion?]
36.
EVRYN
Don't you need a bond to do that?
37.
DESMODA
To know how conversations work?
38.
SERLEINA
No, to feed her his ENERGY!!!, stupid!
39.
MARIE
The rules on bonds and energy are so loosely
and arbitrarily-defined that it’s just Calvinball.
40.
DESMODA
I think I have them in my basement.
Would you like to take a look?
41.
MARIE
I’ve read The Cask of Amontillado.
42.
DESMODA
Good for you, but how is that—
43.
SERLEINA renegade interrupts!
44.
SIGYN
Maybe he's grooming Rose to be a Bond
Girl?
45.
EVRYN
That— no. That's not where I was
going with that.
46.
SIGYN
I know, I'm sorry. I was just trying
to distract us all from this horrible concept.
47.
EPIPHANY
[EVEN SHE THINKS THIS IS GROSS]
[THINK ABOUT THAT, ONION]
[THINK
ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE]
48.
ILLYBRIUS
You can tap into mine, of course, if
you need to.
49.
ORION
No. My fault. My sin. I can do this.
50.
EPIPHANY
[Translation:
Shut up! I didn't say you could DO anything about this crisis!]
51.
EVRYN
Jeez, Onion, who died and made you
John Seed?
52.
OVD
EVRYN! ANACHRONISMS!
53.
EVRYN
ANACHAGOFUCKYOURSELF WE’VE BEEN IN
PRODUCTION FOR 14 YEARS! TELL TEAM FALCON TO GET OFF THEIR LAZY ARSE AND WORK
FASTER, DAMMIT!
54.
SIGYN
Is anyone else getting SICK OF HIS
STUPID, WHINY FACE?! Not ONLY is he useless and ineffectual, but he
passive-aggressively demands that everyone else AROUND him be useless and
ineffectual! If you’re low on energy, it doesn’t matter how pure your soul is! If someone’s offering you a resource you need,
you TAKE IT! You stupid, worthless piece of shit! I hope every single bacterium
in your body mutates and KILLS YOU!
55.
DREPANON
TL;DR.
56.
EPIPHANY
[What? What's that?]
[I
think that's the sound of NO-ONE ASKING YOU.]
57.
MARIE
I’m sure Désmoda loves that sound.
58.
DESMODA
Mm, it’s difficult to discern through
the gag.
59.
ILLYBRIUS
I want to help.
60.
SIGYN
Sadly, I don’t think OVD will let me lend you my
bow.
61.
ORION
I can do it.
62.
SIGYN
You shouldn't touch it if you value
your existence. It's made specifically to kill Sues.
63.
EPIPHANY
[TOUCH
IT! TOUCH IT!]
64.
enter AKUMA
65.
EPIPHANY
[YOU, TOO]
[TOUCH
THE BOW]
66.
DESMODA
Well, any or all of you are welcome
to help me rip Drepanon’s balls off to add to my collection. And fingers to add
to Averna’s.
67.
ORION
Hang on. Akuma just came in.
68.
ILLYBRIUS
I know.
69.
EPIPHANY
[You
see, we all have working eyes here, for a sufficiently-inclusive definition of
"work".]
70.
DREPANON
For example, you consider your eyes
"working" even though you don't read subtitles, and Orion considers
his eyes "working" even though he doesn't read, period.
71.
ORION
Who would want to read a period? I
have tea leaves, thank you.
72.
EPIPHANY
[Drepanon,
your insult doesn't make any sense.]
73.
SIGYN
It's Drepanon. He doesn't have to
make sense. By which I mean, him not making sense won't stop him from having a
God complex and thinking he's smarter than everyone around him.
74.
ORION
There's not even a market for
practicing the purgationibus mulierum branch of hemodivination anymore.
75.
EVERYONE, O_O, .......
76.
ORION
What?
77.
ILLYBRIUS
Orion, I really do want to help,
regardless of whether you can do it on your own.
78.
ORION
Of course I can do hemodivination on
my— oh.
79.
ILLYBRIUS
Please don’t push me away.
80.
ORION
Yes, my dear, I'm sorry, I got
distracted.
81.
[exit AKUMA]
82.
[CUE SOUND: lock clicking]
83.
ORION
Where did she take her?!
84.
ILLYBRIUS
To Drake’s room.
85.
ORION
Tell her to let me go. I need to be
with her.
86.
ILLYBRIUS
Tell her yourself.
87.
ORION
SHE LEFT AND LOCKED ME IN!
88.
ILLYBRIUS stares blankly
89.
EPIPHANY
[1) You have a fucking hivemind. Use it.]
[2) If she "locked you in", then it stands to reason
that we, being in the same room as you, are also locked in.]
[3) If you make up some bullshit about selectively-permeable
magic barriers, I am going to shank someone.]
[4)
It will probably be you.]
90.
EVRYN
Wait, who else would it be?
91.
EPIPHANY
[I
wouldn't be too averse to shanking Drepanon.]
92.
EVRYN
a)
Oh,
thank goodness.
b)
*beat*
c)
oh
SHIT.
93.
MARIE'S SIM HOUSE is now on a giant floater.
94.
THE STUDIO IS NOW FLOODED. AGAIN.
95.
AKUMA,
wearing arm floaties outside the window
Alex the Custodian Guy owes me $20!
96.
ALEX,
also outside
Fine, point taken, it IS a good idea
for you to wear your arm floaties to work.
97.
DREPANON
So... how exactly do we get out?
98.
TOKIOMI
You're allegedly a triple PhD, and
you don't have rigor mortis. YOU figure it out.
99.
DREPANON swims over to the window and kicks it
open.
100.
DREPANON
I didn't need any of my PhDs to
figure that out. Just for the record.
101.
TOKIOMI
Quick, someone update their Facebook
status so he feels relevant!
102.
EVRYN
I can't, the SUDDEN FUCKING FLOOD
killed my phone.
103.
AKUMA holds up a third arm floatie, in which a
plastic-wrapped phone is lovingly encased.
104.
AKUMA
You should have had more foresight,
like me!
105.
TOKIOMI
Yes, we should have. Mea culpa.
106.
EVERYONE swims out the window; Epiphany's chair
floats her out. The rest of the episode takes place on Marie's roof.
107.
EUGENIE
Next time I get a call from my
husband telling me the studio has been flooded, you're ALL finishing the
episode on Floor 12.
108.
EVRYN
Oh, gods, no, not Floor 12.
109.
SIGYN
What's on Floor 12?
110.
EVRYN
That's where the Thinking Rooms are.
111.
TALKING
FICUS, AKA OVD
Let's see if we can get
back on track now. Eugenie, dear, would you hand me my towel and my emergency
change of clothes, please?
112.
EPIPHANY
[I find it very unreasonable that she flooded the studio (YET
AGAIN) when this time I wasn't even menacing Drepanon.]
[I didn't have my scalpel out, I wasn't moving towards him, I
was JUST SAYING that I "wouldn't be opposed to" doing something.]
[What
kind of hair-trigger bullshit is this?]
113.
ORION
Please… Rose needs my energy.
114.
EPIPHANY
[Yes,
and Illybrius offered you his energy to top up. What's your point?]
115.
ORION
Please, Kio.
116.
EPIPHANY
[That
is not a point.]
117.
AKUMA
Irubura… I’m
taking his daughter to Drake’s room so we can help
her better. You fix Orion.
118.
ORION
I don’t need to be fixed.
119.
EVRYN
I disagree. The world would be
a better place if you couldn’t breed.
120.
EPIPHANY
[Yeah,
we could have avoided this ENTIRE EPISODE!]
121.
ILLYBRIUS
Orion, please don’t be upset. The child will be fine.
122.
ORION
I… need to be there with her.
123.
ILLYBRIUS holds Orion
124.
ILLYBRIUS
Orion, I know the child will be fine.
Please trust that they know what they’re doing.
125.
EPIPHANY
[.
. . Did Corri temporarily lend Orion's agency to Akuma or something? Because
this seems like the reverse of what usually happens, with no adequate
explanation.]
126.
EVRYN
Maybe his faculties got scrambled
when Audience One ALMOST FUCKING DROWNED US ALL AGAIN.
127.
SIGYN
But did you DIE?
128.
ORION
I… hungry.
129.
SIGYN
No, he just needs noms.
130.
EPIPHANY
[We've
discussed this.]
131.
ILLYBRIUS kisses Orion’s lips
132.
ILLYBRIUS
I know, you must be.
133.
ORION
No. Have to stay with Rose.
134.
ILLYBRIUS
Ma cher, you’re dead on your feet as it is.
135.
ORION
I know… but she still needs me. My en-ger-y.
136.
EVRYN
What the hell is that?
137.
ORION
ENERGY, damn it!
138.
EVRYN
Why didn’t you just say so?
139.
ORION
STOP PICKING ON ME!
140.
EPIPHANY
[There has also been no adequate explanation as to why she
specifically needs YOUR energy.]
[Rather,
there was a thorough explanation, but it was gross, and therefore inadequate.]
141.
SERLEINA
I’LL
GIVE YOU AN “EN-GER-Y”! HOLD STILL, ONION, THIS IS GONNA HURT!
142.
ILLYBRIUS
You don’t have that much more to give. You
need to feed. Come here.
143.
ORION
But… Rose…
144.
EVRYN
She’ll never let go, Jackass.
145.
ILLYBRIUS
You can’t help Rose if you don’t have any more energy to give. Come,
let me fill you.
146.
ILLYBRIUS kisses Orion again, letting hands
wander
147.
EPIPHANY sticks fingers in ears and closes eyes
as her chair secures her, walks off, and goes into the water.
i.
(play “Age Quit” over this)
148.
EVRYN
Lucky she doesn't need to breathe.
149.
LIGHTS OUT and
the following is heard
150.
(Marie)
Let’s not forget that Onion has his daughter on his
mind right now. I really don’t understand how he would be into anything right
now.
151.
(Serleina)
WELL YOU’RE IN LUCK, BECAUSE HE’S NOT
GOING TO BE INTO ANYTHING! ILLYBRIUS IS GOING TO BE INTO HIM! HUZZAH!
152.
(Marie)
That doesn’t make it any better. Onion should be like,
“I’m worried about my daughter’s health right now. This is a bad time.” I mean,
I know that Corri would never write that, but that’s how most people would be.
153.
(Sigyn)
I’m sorry, what part of
“discount incubus” slipped YOUR understanding?
154.
(Orion)
Mmm... Feels... Lee...
155.
WT
Illybrius
strokes Orion insistently.
Orion
gasps
156.
(Orion)
I can't...
157.
(Illybrius)
Yes, you can.
158.
(Serleina)
NOT WITH THAT ATTITUDE!
159.
WT
Illybrius
strokes a bit more firmly, kisses Orion hard.
160.
(Orion)
No... I... She needs...
Feels...
161.
(Evryn)
Well… the good news is that he is
attempting to protest it!
162.
(Illybrius)
She needs energy, which you do
not have at the moment. I am going to fill you so that you can help her.
163.
(Evryn)
The bad news is that Illybrius
is ignoring it!
164.
WT
Illybrius
undoes the buttons on his vest and shrugs it off, then holds Orion closer.
165.
(Orion)
Lee... I need... please...
166.
(Illybrius)
Right now, you need me, too.
167.
(Orion)
I... help me please...
168.
(Illybrius)
I am trying to.
169.
WT
Illybrius
undoes his pants and tosses them aside, then helps Orion out of his clothes.
170.
(Orion)
Please... just fuck me...
171.
(Reiya)
I don't know, that sounds
an awful lot like... CONSENT. ENTHUSIASTIC consent, even.
172.
A SPOTLIGHT
appears in the water.
173.
CORRI
pops her head up, lifts snorkel mask.
It burns.
174.
CORRI replaces
snorkel mask and re-submerges.
175.
THE SPOTLIGHT
disappears.
176.
(Marie), sincerely
Good job, Fred!
177.
(Fred)
I'm the Lighting Guy!
178.
(Evryn)
It didn’t start OUT as
enthusiastic consent, though!
179.
CORRI
pops back up
It still burns.
180.
WT
Illybrius
shrugs.
181.
(Illybrius)
Alright.
182.
WT
a)
Illybrius enters Orion, but uses a bit of oil so it
won't hurt as much.
b)
Orion gives a gasp of pleasure.
183.
(Orion)
Now... please... hard...
184.
Illybrius purrs and thrusts in and out roughly,
holding Orion's hips and gently digging his nails in.
185.
(Orion)
Lee... don't... hold...
anything back.
186.
WT
a)
Orion arches against Illybrius and bites him roughly
on the neck.
b)
Illybrius moans in pleasure and presses his nails in
further, enjoying the feeling of Orion's flesh tearing beneath them, thrusting
as hard as he can.
c)
Orion screams.
d)
Illybrius rests his head on Orion's shoulder and
bites his neck too, sinking his fangs in.
187.
(Orion)
*moans* Hurts... so good...
more...
188.
(Marie)
I know I’ve said this before, and I’ll be saying it again,
but I really don’t like the way Corri portrays “word machine on low power”.
189.
WT
Illybrius
grabs Orion's cock and squeezes it, moving his hand from base to tip roughly
and rapidly.
190.
(Illybrius)
I love the feel of your wood in
my hands.
191.
(Evryn)
TREEEEEEEE????
192.
(Orion)
Lee... I... so... please...
193.
(Illybrius)
Please what, what are you
asking?
194.
(Orion)
I'm... close... please...
195.
(Illybrius)
Not yet, my love
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