Episode 55b. Drossel's Family Hates Conny, part 5 | November 4, 2008 at 9:03 p.m.

 1.    TITLE

Drossel's Family Hates Conny, part 5

 

2.    November 4, 2008 | 9.03 PM

 

3.  SIGYN

Drosselllll, Meta’s phone is working again! Can you go bug him? He’s in 608. Tell him Fred got his phone working.

 

4.  DROSSEL

I’ll go knock.

 

5.  SIGYN

Yay!

 

6.  DROSSEL

I’m so pissed at my mom.

 

7.  SIGYN

What’d she do now?

 

(in sepia)

8.  MRS. SPROUTS

a) I will just say this. 

b) I am very disappointed in you and what happened this weekend.

c)  You came to our house and lied to our face instead of being a man and telling the truth.

d) I am angry that you would come here and use me.

e) And if you are married, then you shouldn’t be talking to any other girls, even if they are just friends.

 

9.  SERLEINA

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, BACK THE TRUCK UP. AND THEN RUN THAT BROAD OVER WITH IT.

 

10.      MRS. SPROUTS

You have totally let me down, Drossel.

(end sepia)

 

11.      SIGYN

Uhhhh. So because you’re married, you shouldn’t have friends who happen to have vaginas? Wow, okay.

 

12.      DROSSEL

Yeah.

 

13.      LENA

Fun fact: Not all girls or women have vaginas.

 

14.      EVRYN

That's one of those things they'd rather not be reminded of.

 

15.      SIGYN

Why does she think you used her?

 

16.      DROSSEL

I don’t know. I told her, I didn’t want to hear bitching

 

17.      SERLEINA

ARF, ARF, MOTHERFUCKER!

 

18.      DROSSEL

I am tired of fights. I love her.

 

19.      EVRYN takes a shot.

 

20.      DROSSEL

And I’m not talking to any other girls.

 

21.      EVRYN

Erm, there are at least four girls in this room right now.

 

22.      REIYA

Or, you know, twice that, but let's not split hairs.

 

23.      EVRYN

Are you making fun of my lack of conditioner?

 

24.      REIYA

#ShotsFi—AUGH! I DIDN'T MEAN LITERALLY!

 

25.      SIGYN, armored up

Sorry. Finger slipped.

 

(in sepia)

26.      DROSSEL

You tell me, ‘Leave Conny’ and ‘she’s a crazy bitch.’

 

27.      SERLEINA

ARF.

 

28.      EVRYN

Admittedly, that’s a shitty thing to do.

 

29.      DROSSEL

You don’t know her.

 

30.      EVRYN

No, but Epiphany and I are getting to know her, and we don’t like her.

 

31.      DROSSEL

She extended the branch and texted you on your birthday and you didn’t even say fuck you, you ignored her.

 

32.      EVRYN

Personally, I’d rather someone ignore my birthday greetings than tell me to go fuck myself.

 

33.      DROSSEL

I didn’t lie. I didn’t want fight. 

 

34.      AHRRY

HOW IS BABBY FORMED? HOW GIRL GET PRAGNENT?

 

35.      SERLEINA

They need to do way instain mother, who kill thier babby, because the babby can't fricth back. It was on the news this mroing, a mother in ar, who kill her three kids. My pary are with the father, who lost his chrilden. I am truely sorry for their lots.

 

36.      EPIPHANY

[I feel stupider for having heard that.]

 

37.      DREPANON

I agree. That was painful.

 

38.      OVD

WHY ARE YOU HERE? WHY ARE YOU *ALWAYS* HERE?!

 

39.      DREPANON

...isn't the answer always "snacks"?

 

40.      MINESWEEPER

I hear that.

 

41.      ROSEMARY

OVD is a rude and stingy bot.

 

42.      DROSSEL

Maybe you should have looked at my hand. 

 

43.      SERLEINA

CATCH THESE HANDS?

 

44.      OVD

SERLEINA!

 

45.      SERLEINA

*FART NOISE!*

 

46.      DROSSEL

You can be disappointed. You won’t get to meet Conny.

 

47.      EVRYN

I love how they don’t even have to meet her to dislike her.

 

48.      DROSSEL

You don’t want me happy. Conny makes me happy. Conny is my WIFE. If people don’t like it, oh well. I’ve told probably 12 people. Suck it up, buttercup.

 

49.      EVRYN

Wow, if I told my mum to suck it up, buttercup, I’d probably be sitting in the corner reading The Divine Comedy over and over again until my mid-thirties. The crappy Longfellow version, mind.

 

50.      DROSSEL

She’s my happiness. You telling me all the stuff you have is the same as me telling you to leave Diane. You won’t because you love her. I love Conny, get over it. Be happy or don’t.

 

51.      EVRYN

Sounds to me like the mum is having issues with her girlfriend and projecting them onto Drossel and Conny. Or maybe not, I mean, it is Conny we’re talking about.

 

52.      EPIPHANY

[Maybe they  don't like that she's always trying to scam them out of money.]

 

53.      MARIGOLD

You know—

 

54.      OVD

AUGH! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE YET, EITHER!

 

55.      MARIGOLD

Suck it up, buttercup. Now as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, Conny isn't a very good gold-digger if she married a fellow Job Corps student.

 

56.      EVRYN

Offering to give her tips, are you?

 

57.      REIYA

So is that nine, now?

 

58.      SERLEINA

DINOSAURS DON'T COUNT, REIYA, GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR BUTT.

 

59.      REIYA

Okay, then seven. Because if dinosaurs don't count, then Onion's mom doesn't count, right?

 

60.      SERLEINA

HOW DARE YOU?! I'm so sorry, Mrs. Sri-vaka, WE GOT REIYA OFF THE STREETS.

 

61.      LENA

OFFENDED!

 

62.      SERLEINA

HUSH YOUR HOBO SHUT.

 

63.      DROSSEL

I’m open for discussion—

 

64.      EVRYN

Much like Conny thinks everyone around her is open for business.

 

65.      SERLEINA

LIKE YOUR—wait. Uhh... no, not Epi... hmm... LIKE REIYA'S MOM!

 

66.      REIYA

Yup! My mom is like a 7-11, only less delicious and nutritious!

 

67.      EPIPHANY

[That's not where I expected that to go.]

 

68.      REIYA, proudly

My mom is like a bowling ball! She gets—

 

69.      OVD

Okay, that's enough of that.

 

70.      DROSSEL

—but you have no need to say you’re disappointed. I didn’t want to yell at you because I didn’t want fights. And I never said anything about talking to other girls. I talk to my sister-in-law Kodi, that’s it, so don’t say I talk to other girls. I talk to my coworkers in class.

(end sepia)

 

71.      EVRYN

So, your sister-in-law consists of all your coworkers? What is she, a hive mind?

 

72.      SIGYN

Holy shit, you’re an awesome husband.

 

73.      EVRYN

Yeah, except for the part where he cheated on her with Stevie.

 

74.      DROSSEL

Yeah. I love her. I swear, my mom’s a whipped pig.

 

75.      SIGYN

That’s how I feel about Meta.

 

76.      EVRYN

That he's a whipped pig?

 

77.      SIGYN

NO! Anyone who doesn’t like him can just deal, including Sola. She knows I’m planning on shacking up with him.

 

78.      DREPANON facepalms.

 

79.      DROSSEL

My mom is a hypocrite. Nobody likes her wife. She stays with the beast known as Diane.

 

80.      SIGYN

I hear ya.

 

(in sepia)

81.      MRS. SPROUTS

Conny brings out the worst in you. I don’t like the way she treats your family and how she puts you in between, asking your family for money.

 

82.      EVRYN

That’s quite a valid point, really.

 

83.      EPIPHANY

[Called it.]

 

84.      MRS. SPROUTS

I said this weekend, if you stay with her, then you will lose some family. Don’t disrespect me by cussing at me and telling me to suck it up.

(/sepia)

 

85.      SIGYN

Tokiomi always says to stick with your woman because your family will come around.

 

86.      EVRYN

Yeah, but on the other hand, it’s good that Mrs. Sprouts is refusing to be an enabler for her adult son’s potentially toxic relationship. And family values types are generally pretty big on respecting one’s elders, so there’s that, too.

 

87.      DROSSEL

I told her, 

 

(sepia)

88.      DROSSEL

You tell me to leave her. You don’t like her. She has moxie. She stands up for me and her. She doesn’t let people walk on her. I LOVE HER.

 

89.      EVRYN takes a shot

 

90.      DROSSEL

She didn’t have me ask, I did it myself. She doesn’t bring out the bad in me. I have just had enough bull crap. You can’t even say thank you when she wished you happy birthday.

 

91.      EVRYN

That’s fine. Grandfather doesn’t thank me for birthday wishes, either, and I don’t get arse-annoyed by it.

 

92.      DROSSEL

It’s not disrespect. I’m telling you how it is.

 

93.      EVRYN

In a disrespectful manner.

 

94.      DROSSEL

If you don’t like it, I guess you won’t have a part of MY family. I don’t see why I lose family for being happy. Want to explain that?

(/sepia)

 

95.      REIYA

Fingered up, played with, thrown in the gutter, and still comes back for more!

 

96.      OVD

. . .

 

97.      REIYA

What? Drossel was done with his lines, so I figured I could finish my thought!

 

98.      SERLEINA

So, you're Marigold's daughter, then?

 

99.      REIYA

What? No... Where would you get that idea?

 

100. SERLEINA

From the bowling ball comment.

 

101. DREPANON reacts.

 

102.       SERLEINA casually picks Drepanon up and throws him out the window.

 

103. OVD

Aaaand we're about to get fl—

 

104.       The studio floods.

 

105. OVD

blub blub blub.

 

106. EPIPHANY, whose chair legs have cute little arm floaties

[oh no]