Episode 90. Corri Bangs Her Brother, part 6 | November 9, 2008 at 10:00 p.m.

 1.        TITLE

Corri Bangs Her Brother, part 6

 

2.        SETTING

A fancy cave somewhere

 

3.        11/09/2008 | 10:00 PM

 

4.                    ILLYBRIUS

What kind of permanent damage?

 

5.                    REIYA

Akuma's existence is permanent damage.

 

6.                    DANCES WITH SHAME CORNER

Where the wound was made.

 

7.                    EVRYN

It’s called a “scar”, brain trust.

 

8.                    DANCES WITH SHAME CORNER

It hit her heart. I was very surprised she lasted as long as she did.

 

9.                    REIYA

You know, she would have lasted even longer if you hadn't stopped Larlia from reviving her.

 

10.               ILLYBRIUS

I trust you. Please revive her to the best of your ability.

 

11.               EPIPHANY

[Again, why do you and Cin trust him?!]

[He just comes up, says, “I’m Corri’s brother,” and you think he’s trustworthy?]

[Honestly, that should be a mark against him!]

 

12.               SIGYN

To be fair, they also immediately trusted Onion.

 

13.               EPIPHANY

[Oh. You’re right. They’re idiots.]

 

14.               DANCES WITH SHAME CORNER

Very well. It might take all three days, but it might not.  It all depends on her will to live again.

 

15.               EPIPHANY

[So, in other words, she's gonna be on the verge of death until Corri has milked this manufactured crisis for all the worry and pity it's worth, right?]

 

16.               EVRYN

Exactly!

 

17.               ILLYBRIUS

Thank you very much for all your help.

 

18.               EVRYN

You’re welcome!

 

19.               DANCES WITH SHAME CORNER

Tell me something.

 

20.               ILLYBRIUS

Anything.

 

21.               DANCES WITH SHAME CORNER

If Akuma had never confessed her love, would you have ever said anything to her about being together?

 

22.               EPIPHANY

[That's inappropriately personal.]

 

23.               EVRYN

And I find it personally inappropriate. Who cares about Akuma's love life?

 

24.               EPIPHANY

[Not me!]

 

25.               TOKIOMI

I mean, I wouldn't mind knowing if she became single again.

 

26.               SIGYN

Tokiomi? NO.

 

27.               TOKIOMI

You say that about every girl I want to date. You have some serious jealousy and attachment issues.

 

28.               SIGYN

That's beside the point. This is Aku-muhhhh we're talking about. Have you met Aku-muhhhh?

 

29.               DREPANON

For once, the annoying and inappropriate girl has a point.

 

30.               EVRYN

Thank you! Although I'm not sure what for!

 

31.               DREPANON

No, the other one.

 

32.               ILLYBRIUS

I knew she was taken with me, but I did not wish to embarrass her.

 

33.               DANCES WITH SHAME CORNER

Her love for you rivals the love you and Maheone show each other.  

 

34.               EVRYN

You’d better install an alarm on your bedroom door, then.

 

35.               DANCES WITH SHAME CORNER

The only reason she saved him was because she didn't want you in pain over his death.

 

36.               EPIPHANY

[New name!]

[I hereby dub thee, "Dances with Character Shilling"!]

 

37.               ILLYBRIUS

I... see...  I can love more than one person at a time and love them all equally.

 

38.               EPIPHANY

[You make the mistake of thinking Corri cares.]

 

39.               LENA

Drepanon has the Soapbox now, so bear with me, but this is actually very important because healthy polyamory is underrepresented in just about everything. Not that anything on this show is healthy, but still, I feel that Illybrius deserves to be positively acknowledged for this.

 

40.               DANCES WITH SHAME CORNER CHARACTER SHILLING

She died for your happiness.

 

41.               EPIPHANY

[No!]

[She died for cheap drama.]

[She died for Illybrius's emotional distress.]

[That is the opposite of dying for his happiness.]

[Besides, if she should die for anyone's happiness, it should be mine.] 

 

42.               DANCES WITH CHARACTER SHILLING

That is something most people would never do. 

 

43.               EPIPHANY, Santa Claus scowl

[I NOTICED]

 

44.               SIGYN

Hi, hello, excuse me, I developed a thing for snuff when I found out my crush might actually kill me.

 

45.               DANCES WITH CHARACTER SHILLING

You are very lucky.

 

46.               SIGYN

For some reason, I feel like that's an inappropriate response, but thank you!

 

47.               DREPANON

Please shut up, Dances With Snuff Fetish.

 

48.               EPIPHANY

[But she's not wrong this time!]

 

49.               DREPANON

I have never said she was wrong. I just want her to stop talking.

 

50.               EPIPHANY

[I wish you would stop talking all the time.]

 

51.               DREPANON

How much is it worth to you?

 

52.               EPIPHANY

[You're not getting a cut of my textbook fund, if that's what you're asking.]

 

53.               DREPANON

Foolish girl, I am a demon. I am trying to make a deal. I don't care about your money. Although, good for you, staying in school. Education is very important.

 

54.               ILLYBRIUS

I am luckier still that you would revive her.

 

55.               EPIPHANY

[After, you know, causing her death.]

 

56.               DANCES WITH CHARACTER SHILLING

This, however, is the last time I can do this.

 

57.               EPIPHANY

[To stop the dragon balls from working again.]

[The balls are inert.]

 

58.               FAUS

Pity.

 

59.               DANCES WITH CHARACTER SHILLING

Should she ever die again, my hands are tied.

 

60.               EVRYN

Good! Will you be gagged, too?

 

61.               EPIPHANY

[I'll talk to Anubis, see what he can do.]

 

62.               EVRYN

Thanks! You're the best!

 

63.     EPIPHANY beams

 

64.     SIGYN is notably silent.

 

65.               DREPANON

Wow.

 

66.               EPIPHANY's expression sours

[Shut up, you.]

 

67.               DREPANON

We haven't discussed the subject of payment yet.

 

68.               EVRYN

Oh, that's easy. Every time you speak out of turn, you have to pony up.

 

69.               DREPANON

Oh, we're back to that again? No. I refuse. I'm already paying alimony, child support, student loans--

 

70.               EVRYN

What kind of demon ARE you?

 

71.               DREPANON

The bad kind.

 

72.               EPIPHANY

[If you're a demon king, then why would you go to college in America when you could take a European correspondence course for much less?]

 

73.               DREPANON

Because the person who originated my character is hopelessly provincial, and the one whose personality the prod team composited me with is, too.

 

74.               EVRYN

I have the feeling that when you officially debut, I'll miss your self-awareness.

 

75.               ILLYBRIUS

Then... I will try to make sure she does not die again.  

 

76.               EVRYN

Oh, come on! We all know you won’t succeed! She lives, and dies, for drama!

 

77.               FAUS

That sounds horribly familiar, unthank you.

 

78.               ILLYBRIUS

At least, not before her life is complete.

 

79.               EVRYN

She’s been alive how many thousands of years? I’d say she’s had her run!

 

80.               DANCES WITH CHARACTER SHILLING

Good. I will even make it so she can bear children again.

 

81.               LENA

Fuck you in the eye with a rusty knife for treating her like a support system for a uterus.

 

82.               SIGYN

Kinky.

 

83.               DANCES WITH CHARACTER SHILLING

Will that make you happy?

 

84.               EPIPHANY

[You know, with a good writer, this sort of thing could possibly be played as a feminist horror story about the men in a woman's life conspiring together to rob her of her self-agency.]

[But instead, we get this lifeist bullshit about a previously-living person’s reproductive capacity being a perk or drawback to other people.]

 

85.               ILLYBRIUS

Yes. Is there anything I can do for you in return?

 

86.               DANCES WITH CHARACTER SHILLING

It's not right of me to ask.

 

87.               EPIPHANY

[Translation: Yes, but you have to work for it. Feeeeeeeed meeeeeeeee.]

 

88.               DREPANON

I should really learn from this "Dances".

 

89.               SIGYN

Not as myself, but on behalf of the audience, I am begging you. PLEASE DON'T.

 

90.               ILLYBRIUS

It is. I will do anything, unless it involves giving up somebody else I love to be with her.

 

91.               EPIPHANY

[Someone's starting to get genre-savvy.]

 

92.               DANCES WITH CHARACTER SHILLING

Corri... She needs a big brother to be there for her.  Just so she doesn't have to be this strong person she pretends to be. 

 

93.               EPIPHANY

Pffffffffft.

 

94.               DANCES WITH CHARACTER SHILLING

Just... comfort her once in a while, please?

 

95.               FAUS

As long as it’s not with his penis.

 

96.               EVRYN

I’ve got some bad news for you.

 

97.               FAUS

Oh, damn.

 

98.               EPIPHANY

[Yeah, this show is Like That.]

 

99.               ILLYBRIUS

Certainly, but how am I to explain Akuma's long absence?

 

100.          DANCES WITH CHARACTER SHILLING

Tell them it's your honeymoon.

 

101.          ILLYBRIUS

Very well.

 

102.          FAUS

Hold! A three-day honeymoon?! I was told to give my wife a week and a half to two weeks! I call shenanigans!

 

103.          DANCES WITH CHARACTER SHILLING

And Usagi... has quite the fighting spirit. He wouldn't cross over.

 

104.          EPIPHANY

[Crossing over is against his diet.]

 

105.          EVRYN

No, it isn’t! He’s the token mortal, remember?

 

106.          DANCES WITH CHARACTER SHILLING

You are a very lucky man. I must go now. The last connection to her body is gone.

 

107.          ILLYBRIUS

I have one more question: If Akuma was...

 

108.          DANCES WITH CHARACTER SHLLING

Yes?

 

109.          ILLYBRIUS

If she was created to be Maheone's vessel, what of Bliu? Why couldn't he access me through him?

 

110.          DANCES WITH CHARACTER SHILLING

Akuma was meant to stay by your side. He was... It's best that he explain it once Akuma is better.

 

111.          EPIPHANY

[Translation: Shut up. Corri hasn't thought of a bullshit excuse for that yet.]

 

112.          ILLYBRIUS

Well, I still don't understand why Bliu couldn't just speak to Cinnamon and have us talk that way.  He practically shuns her.

 

113.          DANCES WITH CHARACTER SHILLING

I wish I could tell you more, but the dead aren't supposed to give away everything.

 

114.   EPIPHANY flips Dances with Character Shilling the double bird

 

115.          OVD

Get the fuck off my set, you poser!

 

116.          ILLYBRIUS

I know that, but I have done plenty of things I'm not supposed to.  I... I am desperate to know.

 

117.          OVD

Ten!

 

118.          DANCES WITH CHARACTER SHILLING

It's not my place to say.

 

119.          OVD

Nine!

 

120.          DANCES WITH CHARACTER SHILLING

I must go. Akuma needs to be revived before turning. In the meantime, take care of Orion, Usagi, and Corri.

 

121.          OVD

Eight!

 

122.          ILLYBRIUS

Of course.

 

123.          EPIPHANY

[Whatever.]

 

124.          OVD

Seven!

 

125.          DANCES WITH CHARACTER SHILLING

Pray for her soul. She'll need your love as a guide.

 

126.   FAUS MAUS gags

 

127.          EPIPHANY

[Translation: BUT DON'T YOU DARE STOP WORRYING!]

 

128.          OVD

Six!

 

129.          ILLYBRIUS

I will always love her.

 

130.          DANCES WITH CHARACTER SHILLING

Good. Then this will be no problem. Farewell.

 

131.          ILLYBRIUS

Douven.

 

132.   /exit BLAKE DANCES WITH NONPLOT CHARACTER SHILLING, at a run - /FEARQUIT]