1. TITLE
How Orion Became a Demon and Other Inconsistencies,
part 5
2.
SETTING
Orion's room
3.
Mon, Nov 10,
2008
[TIME: 9.00 PM]
4.
Everyone is
shown from the waist-up only. Orion and Illybrius are shirtless until lights
out.
5.
ORION
I was right.
6.
USAGI
Shut the fuck up. You gonna believe a spiteful poltergeist?
7.
SKYE (PolterSkyest)
Leave me out of this, please.
8.
MARIE
I mean, "Shut the fuck up" is a valid response to anything
Onion says.
9.
USAGI
If you're gonna be part of the self-pity society, you're fucking
useless.
10.
EVRYN
Implying that Onion isn't always fucking useless.
11.
USAGI
If you're gonna actually be a man about this, then ok.
12.
OREGANO and REIYA
🎵Be a man
You must be swift as the coursing river
(Be a man)
With all the force of a great typhoon
(Be a man)
With all the strength of a raging fire
Mysterious as the dark side of
THE MOOOON!🎵
13.
USAGI
He's coming to.
14.
ILLYBRIUS
Ori... Orion?
15.
ORION
Bien.
16.
ILLYBRIUS
Orion, I didn't know. I didn't know what you needed.
17.
EPIPHANY
[Yes. He's a fucking liar.]
18.
ORION
Doesn't matter. I can go without, for you. Promise.
19.
EVRYN
Your promises aren't worth shit, and neither are you.
20.
EPIPHANY
[You change your tune quickly.]
[Anything to make Illybrius shut up about his
feelings, I guess.]
21.
NATE
Oh, it burns.
22.
ILLYBRIUS
No. You don't have to.
23.
[LIGHTS OUT]
24.
Illybrius taps the plug again, tapping out a secret rhythm.
25.
MARIE
Really?
Morse code?
26.
SERLEINA
No,
I believe that was the beat for "We Will Rock You".
27.
WARREN
"Buddy you're a boy, make a big noise!"
28.
MANSK
"No...... You can leave again"
29.
MARIE
How
awkward.
30.
SERLEINA
How
so?
31.
ORION
*moan* No. I... refuse to hurt you any more.
32.
REIYA
I'll believe it when I see it.
33.
ILLYBRIUS
Hurts
less if it's me doing it than someone else.
34.
ORION
No. I don't need it. I can do it when I'm alone.
35.
MANSK
"That is a tactful pity me statement"
36.
EVRYN
If
you're saying you can do it when you're alone, clearly you do still need it,
because if you didn't need it, you could just go without completely. In fact,
OVD, may I break his alone-time hand?
37.
OVD
I'll
get back to you.
38.
EVRYN
I'll
be waiting.
39.
ILLYBRIUS
Orion,
I don't mind anymore. I just needed to know that you needed it. You DO need it,
and I'm not going to let you sacrifice what you truly need.
40.
MARIE
The
way he's been manipulated into this still goes into my theory about the true
nature of Onion's feeding.
41.
MANSK
Jinx.
42.
Illybrius nips Orion's shoulder
43.
ILLYBRIUS
Besides,
at least it means I don't have to hold back.
44.
ORION
No. Please, I don't want to hurt you.
45.
MANSK
Pity intensifies.
46.
MARIE
Yes
you do.
47.
OREGANO
🎵That's bullshit, you're bullshit🎵
48.
REIYA
Drop the Conflict Ball already.
49.
USAGI
Don't be a stupid git. He wants to do this,
so let him.
50.
Orion makes a T_T face.
51.
MARIE
"But
that takes all the fun out of it!"
52.
USAGI
Or I'll do it and save y'all the trouble.
53.
Illybrius nips Orion's other shoulder, yanks the plug out without
warning, and pushes himself in before Orion has a chance to close.
54.
WARREN
"Oooohhhhhh that's a gnarly picture.... I think I might leave"
55.
MANSK covering his eyes and wincing.
"Is it over?"
56.
EVRYN
For
those of you watching at home, do NOT. Just don't do that, ever.
57.
REIYA
Either Onion's asshole is really laggy, or Illybrius's dick is really
fast. I'm not sure which is—
58.
ILLYBRIUS
ZYOOM!
59.
WARREN
"I wanna know how his dick was still hard after all that emo
vomit"
60.
MANSK
"New meaning to masochist!"
61.
ORION
Yeah, my ass is basically the anatomical equivalent of Internet
Explorer. "Screams in agony." Wait. I wasn't supposed to say that,
was I?
62.
MARIE
Anyways.
That's why you don't do it.
63.
EVRYN
You
know. In case your arses in real life are like Chrome. Or Firefox. Or—
64.
WARREN
"Mines like the dark web, some fucked up shit be coming out of
it"
65.
MANSK
"You're so fucking disgusting..... "
66.
OVD
CAN YOU STOP THAT PLEASE.
67.
EVRYN
*fart
noise*
68.
OVD
Okay, I walked into that one.
69.
SERLEINA
SOUNDS LIKE TORCH
JUST CRASHED!
70.
LENA
That's why I use Comodo Dragon.
71.
SERLEINA
Your
ass is Comodo Dragon?
72.
LENA
What? What the fuck?
73.
SERLEINA
How
long have you been in here?
74.
LENA
I just came for the snacks, and I heard you screaming something about
Torch crashing. I'm not sure my beer nuts are worth that.
75.
SERLEINA
As
long as you keep your beer nuts away from my Netscape, we'll be—
76.
DREPANON
You
still use Netscape?
77.
SERLEINA
"FART
NOISE!"
78.
DREPANON
Sounds
like it, too, is prone to crashing.
79.
FALCON, in
webcam video
We were 27 years old and
writing fart jokes for the Internet. Let it be known.
80.
OVD
At the rate you're going, you'll be 37 when this actually airs.
81.
ILLYBRIUS
Technical
difficulties... arrr.
82.
MARIE
Yes,
we're moving on from the browser metaphor.
83.
ILLYBRIUS
No,
that was my line.
84.
MARIE
Oh.
85.
ILLYBRIUS
How
surprisingly meta.
86.
META
What?
87.
MARIE
Get
out.
88.
MANSK
"Everyone who participated in this ass conversation going on WAY to
long!"
89.
LYLE
"FOR MATURITY!!!"
90.
MANSK
"Of course this summoned you.... "
91.
LYLE
"Of course it did!"
92.
Illybrius presses in all the way and holds Orion, stroking his cock.
93.
ORION
*moans* I...
94.
Illybrius moves in and out, slowly.
95.
ORION
I...
96.
WARREN
The one accurate thing about this, he went stupid.
97.
Illybrius increases his pace slightly
98.
ILLYBRIUS
What
is it, my dear?
99.
ORION
Feels... good...
100.
ILLYBRIUS
I'm
glad of that.
101.
ORION
More...
102.
Illybrius pulls out slowly, then slams in.
103.
ILLYBRIUS
Actually...
I think I know something you might like.
104.
Orion screams in "please".
105.
ORION
What would I like?
106.
MARIE
I'd
like for you to have lines that were written with two hands.
107.
ORION
How dare you. Of course my lines were written with two hands. One hand
was Corri's, and the other hand was Meta's.
108.
META
I had nothing to do with this!
109.
MARIE
He
ACTUALLY had nothing to do with this. So why is he still here?
110.
META
I have the right to defend my honour.
111.
EVRYN
Yes,
but you have no honour.
112.
ILLYBRIUS
I
found a length of yarn...
113.
EVRYN
Brilliant!
Are we going to knit socks for soldiers? Please? I know that's a weird thing
for a demon mafia princess to ask, but I'd quite literally rather be doing that
than this.
114.
MANSK
"Hell yeah! I need new socks!"
115.
LYLE
"Did you blow holes in the other ones?"
116.
WARREN
"Why are you using that many socks for that!!??"
117.
MANSK
"Why aren't you!!!???"
118.
PRAGER
"I want fuzzy socks"
119.
ORION
Yarn...?
120.
EVRYN
Yes,
socks for soldiers requires yarn, thank you.
121.
Illybrius reaches around, loops the yarn around Orion's sack, pulls
slightly, winds to divide Orion's balls, and ties tight enough that Orion can
feel it but not tight enough to turn them blue. He ties the remaining yarn
around his own waist so Orion will feel the tug as Illybrius moves out.
122.
MANSK
"Well now I'm just disappointed... "
123.
LYLE
"Points for Creativity but it's not tight enough"
124.
REIYA
That's not what blueballs means. Idiot.
125.
EVRYN
He's
referring to losing circulation.
126.
ORION
I-I-I-I... *whimper*
127. Illybrius pulls out slowly,
then slams back in, and repeats.
128.
Orion moans of pleasure.
129.
ORION
I... please...
130.
MARIE
Please
write this better, or don't write this at all.
131.
CORRI
What do you mean, "write this better"? This is a MASTERPIECE!
132.
EVRYN
To
be fair, for someone writing with only one hand, the typos really are quite
minimal in this bit.
133.
META
She has a lot of practice.
134.
EVRYN
Know
that first hand, do you?
135.
META
As a matter of fact—
136.
SERLEINA
DUCK NOISES!
137.
MARIE
Quack,
quack, quack.
138.
SERLEINA
Yes,
that. Thank you, Marie.
139.
MARIE
Quack.
140. Illybrius sinks his fangs
into Orion's neck, licks up blood, and starts moving in and out rapidly.
Orion screams in pleasure
141.
ORION
M-M-Master...
142. Illybrius reaches down and
tugs on the yarn playfully.
Orion arches in pleasure
and pains
143.
ORION
This...
144.
ILLYBRIUS
Speak
up.
145.
ORION
I... Please... I... feels so good
146.
ILLYBRIUS
I'm
glad you like it.
147.
Illybrius decreases his pace, teasing Orion.
148.
ORION
No.
149.
WARREN
"The fuck you mean no? That's when you get creative and make them
regret thinking they run the show .... This ain't nothin but both of them
pretending Illybrius is in control of shit"
150.
LYLE
"Harder MASTER!! HARDER OR YOU'LL REGRET IT!!!"
151. Orion thrusts back against
Illybrius.
Illybrius smacks Orion's
ass
152.
ILLYBRIUS
Bad
Orion.
153.
Orion moans in pleasure
154.
ORION
I... more... please.
155. Illybrius moves even more
slowly.
Orion thrusts back
"agian"
156.
ORION
Master, please
157.
Illybrius smacks again, harder.
158.
ILLYBRIUS
Stop
that.
159.
ORION
*whimper* Master...
160.
SERLEINA
OH SO YOU CAN DISH IT
OUT BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE IT?
161.
MARIE
Typical.
162.
Illybrius ignores him, continues at the same slow pace, savouring it.
163.
ORION
*moan* Please...
164.
ILLYBRIUS
No.
165. Illybrius tightens the
yarn.
Orion gives a cry of
pleasure.
166.
Illybrius pulls the yarn tighter around his waist as well so that
there's less of a distance
167.
ILLYBRIUS
I'll
have to be more careful while thrusting, but I've kept it at my length so I
won't rip them off.
168.
EVRYN
Thank
you for that informative interlude.
169.
ILLYBRIUS
🎵What can I say except YOU’RE WELCOME🎵
170.
ORION
*whimper* Master... I need... please...
171.
EVRYN
You
need to shut the fuck up.
172.
WARREN
"Gag him"
173.
LYLE
"And tighten that shit around his balls all the fucking way
SHIT!"
174. Orion "thursts"
back against Illybrius.
Illybrius smacks Orion's
ass hard enough that Illybrius's hand stings.
175.
Orion gives a scream of pain
176.
ORION
M-Master...
177.
ILLYBRIUS
I
told you to stop that.
178.
ORION
*whimper*
179. Illybrius moves extra-slow
for a few
Orion gives a distressed
whimper
180.
Illybrius kisses down Orion's back as he pulls out, then back up as he
pushes in.
181.
SERLEINA
We
care. So hard. Witness how hard we— . . . That better be a banana in your
pocket.
182.
META
It's a tube of Pringles, and no, you can't
have any.
183.
SERLEINA
DAMMIT META, WHEN ARE
YOU GOING TO START EATING HEALTHY?!
184. Illybrius's kisses turn to
nibbles, and his nibbles turn to bites.
Orion gives moans of
pleasure and pain
185.
ORION
Master... Please...
186.
Orion starts to "thurst" back but stops and whimpers
187.
MARIE
Is
Corri copy-pasting some of this? Like, please do something other than recycle
the same two lines.
188.
SERLEINA
It
was
.............................. VOLSEMORT AND DA DEATH DEALERS!
189.
MARIE
Dun,
dun, DUUUUNNNNNNN
190.
Illybrius bites Orion, hard.
191.
ORION
AH!
192.
ILLYBRIUS
Do
you want me to go faster?
193.
EVRYN
We
want this whole scene to go faster, thank you for asking.
194.
MANSK
"Please...... This is painful and not in a fun way"
195.
SERLEINA
Just
hand him over to Volsemort and Da Death Dealers, and be done with it.
196.
MARIE
But
then Corri would have to recycle scenes seven times as much and it would take
so much longer. Let's just get this over with.
197.
CORRI
DID SOMEBODY SAY THE NUMBER SEVEN?! IT BURRRRRNNNN— wait, I'm not
Drepanon.
198.
DREPANON
Not
yet, anyway.
199.
CIN
Um, cringe?
200.
CORRI
*Doki Doki singing, static*
201.
[Fade into
LIGHTS OUT]
202.
ORION
Yes... please Master...
203.
Illybrius smiles wickedly, then moves as fast as he can, tugging on the
yarn every five thrusts.
204.
EVRYN
Nice
of him to keep count. He must be just as bored as we are.
205.
Orion is trembling in pain and pleasure.
206.
MARIE
Can
he do anything else? I mean, really.
207.
ORION
M-M-Master...
208.
ILLYBRIUS
How
close are you?
209.
EVRYN
Literally
the length of your dick in yarn away from you, Illybrius. Pay attention.
210.
ILLYBRIUS
Well,
I could do that, but on second thought, no.
211.
ORION
What do you MEAN I'm the "second" thot?
212.
ILLYBRIUS
Forget
about your sister already, did you?
213.
AKUMA
Muhhhhh. And HEY!
214.
NATE
Why are you talking about his SISTER while
you’re fucking him!?
215.
MELODY
What, that’s not normal?
216.
ORION
So ... close... Master...
217.
AKUMA
Is anyone else disturbed that he said that right after I made my
presence known?
218.
MELODY
…that’s… not normal?
219.
AKUMA
There's only so long I can go without needing a lunch break.
Unfortunately, all we ever have are these GODDAMN SNACKS, AND DREPANON AND THE
GOAT USUALLY EAT THEM ALL!
220.
DREPANON
The
fact that they're "god-damn" snacks is why I can eat
them.
221.
AKUMA
GO DRINK SOME COOLER WATER!
222.
SERLEINA
Uh,
Akuma? You know I keep a footlocker full of food in my trailer, right?
223.
AKUMA
AKUMA AWAY!
224.
SEI-SEI
Unfortunately, she changed the combination. . .
225.
DREPANON
Is that
why you're here, watching this?
226.
SEI-SEI
I have to get rid of my appetite somehow when there's
no more food.
227.
ILLYBRIUS
Good.
Cum with me.
228.
SEI-SEI
No, thank you. I may have an only 3/4 full stomach, but I also have
dignity.
229.
ORION
Yes... Master...
230.
Illybrius's wings burst out as he cums, blasting off inside Orion
several times.
231.
LYLE
"ANGELS WE HAVE HEARD ON HIGH!!!! CUMMING ALL O’ER THE
PLAINS!!!"
232.
WARREN
"Ooooooohh OOH OH OH!!!"
233.
MANSK
"My ears.... Please stop.... And return to hell do not pass go or
collect $200"
234.
EVRYN
Is
there a worse way he could have phrased that?
235.
REIYA
Looks like Team Berserker's blasting off again!
236.
CIN
Dude! It's literally just him. Leave the rest
of us out of it.
237.
ILLYBRIUS
Orion,
my Orion.
238.
REIYA
"Oh Captain, my Captain"
239.
ILLYBRIUS
"Goldfish-o,
Goldfish-o, why the fuck are you Goldfish-o?"
240.
MARIE
"What
gas beyond yonder window breaks?"
241.
EVRYN
Presumably,
Safari.
242.
REIYA
Fart jokes on the Internet. Shakespeare would be proud.
243.
CIN
He'd be prouder if they were dick jokes.
244.
REIYA
But we already make jokes about Drepanon.
245.
ILLYBRIUS
READY
YOUR FLOATATION DEVICES!
246.
MARIE
Wait,
what?
247.
SERLEINA
DEVICE!
*shing*
248.
ILLYBRIUS
DAMN
IT, SERLEINA, YOUR DEVICE JUST POPPED MY DEVICE!
249.
SERLEINA
I'D SAY KINKY, BUT
YOU'RE M *blub-blub-blub*
250.
[OUTSIDE
(lights on by default)]
251.
Everyone is
shown waist-up; the bottoms are obscured by floaties and water. Illybrius and
Onion are topless.
252.
MARIE
Good job, Reiya.
253.
REIYA
Hey, if it gets those two arrested for public nudity, I'd say I did us a
service.
254.
META
If I wanted you to service me, I'd ask.
255.
SERLEINA
Hey Meta, I've been working
on a new song, wanna hear it?
256.
META
—
257. SERLEINA, to the tune of Frere Jacques
🎵Shut the fuck up
Shut the fuck up
Right fucking now
Right fucking now
No one wants to hear it
No one wants to hear it
Shut your mouth
Shut your mouth🎵
258.
ILLYBRIUS,
doggy paddling
I mean, at least she solved California's drought.
259.
FLOATING FICUS
IT'S 2008, YOU DIPSHIT.
260.
MARIE
Nothing wrong with getting started early.
261.
FICUS
Yeah, if you want California to become the Lost State of Atlantis.
262.
SIGYN
I mean...
263.
EPIPHANY floats
past on her chair
[ I hate all of you]
264.
FICUS
Okay, now if we could all make our way to the backup studio...
265.
[SETTING: THE
BACKUP STUDIO
LIGHTS OUT and the following is heard]
266.
Orion cums hard
267.
ORION
MASTER!
268.
MARIE
*yawns
audibly*
269.
Illybrius reaches and
collects as much as he can in his hand, then brings it to his mouth.
270.
ILLYBRIUS
You
taste luscious.
271.
ORION
*moans*
272. Illybrius carefully cuts
the yarn and pulls out.
Orion shudders and whimpers
at the loss.
Illybrius cuddles Orion.
Orion is still shaking.
Illybrius nuzzles Orion.
Orion wraps "and"
arm around Illybrius's waist and "burise" his face in Illybrius's
chest.
273.
No-one cares. (Yes, Marie, we pay attention.)
274.
MARIE
Yesgood.
Is it over?
275.
No.
276.
MARIE
*Marie
noise* (of despair)
277.
ILLYBRIUS
Mmm,
my sweetmeat Orion.
278. Orion snuggles.
Illybrius purrs and
caresses him.
Orion gives a low whine.
279.
EVRYN
What
the fuck else is new?
280.
Illybrius purrs rhythmically
281.
[LIGHTS ON]
282.
ORION
I... hurts... may I?
283.
ILLYBRIUS
Hmm?
284.
ORION
I need to... they hurt... May I?
285.
ILLYBRIUS
What are you asking?
286.
ORION
My... wings...
287.
ILLYBRIUS
What are you asking, Orion?
288.
EPIPHANY
[Obviously he's asking you to confiscate his
remaining ellipses.]
289.
ORION
I... they hurt... I... need to... open them but...
290.
WARREN
"Oh Jesus CHRIST nope NOPE back up fuck him again do something
bitches should not be this whiney after getting FUCKED!!!"
291.
LYLE
"I get the feeling you could fuck yourself to death trying to fuck
the whine out of this one. Maybe better to just put it out of its
misery"
292.
ORION
you were seme—
293.
EPIPHANY,
scowling
[NO.]
[YOU DO NOT NEED TO USE GRATUITOUS JAPANESE HERE.]
294.
MARIE, simultaneously
OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE! Get this yaoi bullshit off my set.
295.
REIYA
No! Keep the yaoi bullshit!
296.
CIN
You're not on the prod team and your existence— I mean, opinion— doesn't
matter.
297.
ORION
so... my body needs... permission...
298.
MARIE
No-one talks like this!
299.
ORION
Never mind, I can do it later.
300.
SERLEINA
Guys, I wrote another
verse!
🎵No-one ca-ares
No-one ca-ares
About you
About you
We don't want to hear it
We don't want to hear it
Boo hoo hoo
Boo hoo hoo🎵
301.
MARIE
Thank you, Serleina. You are a genius.
302.
SERLEINA
King of Jungle, only here
to help.
303.
ILLYBRIUS
Go ahead, my Orion.
304. Orion clutches
Illybrius tightly as his tattered black and red leather wings come out
305.
ORION
Hurts...
306.
MARIE
Well, yeah, those just got cycled through Hot Topic.
307. Illybrius
caresses Orion gently and strokes his wings.
Orion curls
them up tightly
308.
ORION
Don't.... they... are fit to look at...
309.
EVRYN
Do you mean, they are NOT fit to look at?
310.
ORION
and... you'll get me hard.
311.
EVRYN
For fuck's sake, a light breeze gets you hard.
312.
REIYA
That's a strange combination of things.
313.
WARREN
"This guy's hornier than Lyle on Viagra!!"
314.
LYLE
"That was a good night...... But yeah Jesus Christ someone get him
a giant bucket of cold water!!"
315.
Z-DOG holding
up a rubber band and smirking.
"Or something better!"
316.
EVRYN
He's ashamed of his wings and Illybrius touching him gives him a boner.
A boner of shame. That is a strange combination.
317.
WALKER walking
in wearing a sheet so she looks like a priestess and ringing a bell.
Shame *Jingle* Shame *Jingle* Shame
318.
SIGYN
I mean—
319.
XALDIN holds
out his hand.
320.
SIGYN
... Dammit. I was going to go to Peet's later.
321.
XALDIN smirks
like a jerk.
322.
ILLYBRIUS
Orion, you don't need to be ashamed of them.
323.
ORION
I... did that to them.
324.
SEBASTIAN
Then yes, you should be ashamed, you DUMB SHIT.
325.
PRAGER
"Please Unalive yourself already"
326.
ZHANG
"No.... He'd do it so messily and no one wants to clean
that"
327.
EVRYN
Yes, and we all know you're just doing it for attention, so we are going
to continue to NOT CARE.
328.
EPIPHANY
[ It wasn't even for SCIENCE!]
329.
EVRYN
I could collect samples of his shredded wings for you to use in
scientific research if you like.
330.
EPIPHANY
[ I'd have to ritually cleanse my lab equipment to
get the fail out.]
331.
FAUS
I know that feeling well.
332.
ILLYBRIUS
Shhh, it's alright.
333.
ORION
It's for hurting those I—
334.
WALKER in her
sheet still
SHAME! *Jingle*
335.
SERLEINA, over
Epiphany's sign
AND IN THE END, IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTERRRRRRRRRRRRR!
336.
EPIPHANY
[NO.]
[NO MORE EMO BULLSHIT.]
—
ENDING THEME for this episode: Sex with Ducks by
Garfunkel and Oates.
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