Mon, Nov 3, 2008 at 8:34 PM | Illybrius - Orion
3 ILLYBRIUS
I hope Miss Akuma is
recovering well.
4 ROSEMARY
I am doing well.
5 ILLYBRIUS
I said Akuma, not
Rosemary.
6 EPIPHANY
[Oh, really?]
7 ROSEMARY
Yes, really. Can't you see
the spikes on my back?
8 ILLYBRIUS
I miss you.
9 ROSEMARY
I miss you too.
10 EVRYN
I miss my
booze.
11 ILLYBRIUS
They're right
there.
12 EVRYN
... I said
BOOZE.
13 ILLYBRIUS
Oh.
14 EPIPHANY
[Sometimes I wish I had boobs. Or, rather, stayed
alive long enough to get boobs.]
15
ILLYBRIUS looks Epiphany up
and down.
16
EVRYN smacks Illybrius.
17 SERLEINA
MEANWHILE!
18 DROSSEL
Hey.
19 SIGYN
Hey bro, how was your
Halloween?
20 DROSSEL
Good, found out it’s
a boy. How about you?
21 SIGYN
Hopefully not having a
baby. But my Halloween was good. Spent it with Meta and my friend Gin. Some
douchebag stole Meta’s candy, though. Ate the last of it yesterday cuz he
got high and had the munchies.
22 DROSSEL
Haha, sounds fun.
23 MARIE
How is that fun?! Getting
candy stolen is your idea of FUN?!
24 SERLEINA
DON'T
THREATEN ME WITH A GOOD TIME!
25 EPIPHANY, Santa Claus
scowl
[Screw you. I used to like being able to eat candy! Now every
Halloween is like it's stealing candy from me by TAUNTING ME WITH IT.]
26 LENA
… I'm diabetic.
27 SERLEINA
NO-ONE
CA—oh,
wait, you're trying to help her feel better, aren't you?
28 LENA
Yes. Not-eating-candy
solidarity! I'm bad at this.
29 DROSSEL
I’m
glad you had a good time. I’m so stressed.
30 EVRYN
"Enough about you,
let's talk about me!"
31 SIGYN
Why?
32 DROSSEL
Money I’m
getting to be a dad, it has a defect.
33 EPIPHANY
[Who actually says that about their own child?]
34 EVRYN
Oi, to be fair, it's
possible the money has a defect.
35 DROSSEL
Nobody will listen to me
vent.
36 REIYA
QUOTH THE REIYA, CRY-ETH
MOAR!
37 MARIE
No-one will listen to you
vent about needing them to take out a LOOOOAAAAN!!!
38 SIGYN
Well, go ahead and vent. I
can’t do anything other than listen and possibly offer
suggestions, mind you.
39 DROSSEL
My mom won’t
talk to me cause I didn’t tell her I got married and about Emmit when I was
there over the weekend. I just didn’t know how.
40. EPIPHANY
[Did you try, "By the way, I got married."?]
41. EVRYN
Also, "It may have
been a shotgun wedding. Sorry for not inviting you."
42. SIGYN
To be entirely fair, Meta
probably wouldn't invite his family to our wedding, either.
43. EPIPHANY
[Good point.]
44. SIGYN
I’m
going to assume Emmit is the name of the baby?
45. DROSSEL
Yeah. It makes me mad.
46 EVRYN
The baby's name makes you
mad?
47 DROSSEL
She won’t
help me get on my feet and she is saying I’m not good enough to get help.
48 MARIE
She's not mad about the
wedding. She's mad because you keep asking her to take out a fucKING LOAN for
you.
49 DROSSEL
My brother harassed me
about it, too.
50 EPIPHANY
[Because you want money, or because you say horrible things
about your wife's foetus?]
51 EVRYN
How is it horrible to tell
the truth about-- oh, forget it. I don't actually care that much.
52 REIYA
He could just say,
"He'll have a disability." Or something.
53 EVRYN
Eh. Well, whatever. I'm
not the one with the defective fuhtoosis.
54 AKUMA
DIIIIIID SOMEBODY SAY
DEFECTIVE FUHTOOSIS?
55 EVRYN
Yes, and by the way, we
also--
56 EPIPHANY
[Have you gotten another one already?]
57 EVRYN
RUDE, Epi! I was talking!
You could wait till I finish my thought before you hold up the sign!
58 EPI
[Sorry.]
59 EVRYN
a) Ev-nyway. We also figured out, but didn't mention at
the time, that Illybrius never actually had sex with you, Akuma, so basically
Onion got Illybrius drunk and then gave you some kind of mind-altering drugs
and gaslighted you both into thinking that Illybrius had raped you.
b) But since he didn't, and Orion did, and Orion admitted
to raping you, um, basically that means that the babies were his and he induced
your miscarriage on purpose and then ripped the angst zygotes out of your body.
c) Sorry about that. Well, not me-sorry. I didn't do it.
60 AKUMA
WHAAAAT? You mean--
you mean my brother's ACTUALLY GOOD AT BEING A DEMON?!
61 EVRYN
Yeah, I was surprised by
that, too.
62 AKUMA
AM I THE ONLY ONE IN MY
FAMILY THAT'S NOT GOOD AT ANYTHING?
63 EVRYN
Erm... you're good at
making Akuma noises.
64 AKUMA
Muhhhh?
65 EVRYN
Yes, like that! Good job
doing that.
66 MARIE
I mean, they're named
after you and everything.
67 AKUMA
YAY, VALIDATION!
68 EVRYN
Would you like a cookie?
69 AKUMA
Um... I don't know...
Onion isn't here to decide that for me.
70 ILLYBRIUS
Hello, Miss Akuma. *I’m*
still here.
71 AKUMA
Oh! Lee! Thank the gods!
72 ILLYBRIUS
You’re welcome.
73 AKUMA
Please, quickly, help me
decide if I want a cookie for being good at making Akuma noises.
74 ILLYBRIUS
... This is ridiculous.
You have a brain of your-- oh. Right. Uh... what kind of cookie?
75 EVRYN
The kind that's *not*
poisoned?
76 ILLYBRIUS
Yes, that sounds perfectly
safe. Go ahead, Miss Akuma. Have a cookie.
77 AKUMA, with a cookie
and a munchy face
OMNOMNOMNOMNOM!!! Although
I would have preferred the poison cookies so I could milk them for cheap angst
later.
78 ILLYBRIUS
Why didn't you MENTION
THIS SOONER!!!!
79 AKUMA
Muhh! I'm sorry! I forgot
to make a choice! Again!
80 ILLYBRIUS
Oh, okay, that sounds...
Well, not "reasonable", but as close to it as this show ever gets.
81 SIGYN
Wowww, that sucks. I'm
sorry, man.
82 DROSSEL
It's fine. I just need
help.
83 OREGANO
>CUE
MUSIC: Help! by the Beatles
84 CIN
Oh my god, stop. I didn't
like the Beatles in high school and I don't like your autotuned version of them
now.
85 EPIPHANY
[... I love the Beatles.]
86 CIN
I appreciate their musical
talent, but in high school, my crush Cryptic gave our classmate Kalie, who
totally stole him from me, a Beatles mixtape and I never really got over it.
So, hipster pettiness, I guess.
---
DROSSEL written by Andrew
Sameron, voiced by Kane64
AKUMA written by Evindub
Productions
SIGYN written by Sigyn
Wisch
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