242a. TITLE
Akuma’s Miscarriage
242b. Sun, Nov 2, 2008; 5.34 PM
(fade in from black)
243 ILLYBRIUS
Hmm?
244 ORION
What do we need to talk
about?
245 ILLYBRIUS
My head is swimming.
246
Illybrius glugs absinthe.
247 USAGI
By all means, take
another swig of absinthe. That’ll clear your head.
248 EPIPHANY looks at
Evryn
249 EVRYN
What?
250 EPIPHANY
[He's stealing your gig.]
251 EVRYN
I chug whiskey, not
absinthe.
252 ORION
Please don’t.
253 ILLYBRIUS
Too late.
254 ORION
Then never mind. You
are no good to anyone in this state.
255 EVRYN
You’re no good to
anyone in any state.
256 ORION
I will try again
another time.
257 EPIPHANY
[You will fail.]
258 EVRYN
Because a failure is
you.
259 ILLYBRIUS
What is it, anyway? I’m
fine. I’ll be fine.
260 USAGI, with a cup of water, presumably
He can hold his liquor.
I’m giving him some water.
261 EPIPHANY
[Wait, no, you FOOL!]
262 SERLEINA high-kicks
FOOLISH
FOOL!
263 ILLYBRIUS
Thank you, Usagi.
264 USAGI, doing a side-kick
You're welcome. It's
full of the old razzledazzle.
265 EVRYN
Oh, I get it. It was
Usagi's turn to poison the water cooler!
266 ILLYBRIUS
Orion, what is it?
267 EPIPHANY
[Angst.]
268 USAGI
And the old
razzledazzle. We've been over—
269 SERLEINA
ANGST-ANGST, whine-whine, ANGST-ANGST,
whine-whine!
270 ORION
Well don’t talk to me
until you are better. Neither Akuma nor the baby needs to draw on that kind of
energy.
271 EPIPHANY
[Passive-aggressive angst.]
272 ILLYBRIUS
Has she been able to
reform the bond?
273 ORION
No. But I have her and
the child feeding off another source for now.
274 EPIPHANY
[I don't think second-hand Foetal Alcohol Syndrome is a thing.]
275 EVRYN
With Enzeru biology,
you never know.
276 ILLYBRIUS
I can’t think of what
could be blocking her.
277 EVRYN
Have you tried asking
your local admin? Or perhaps a cheese salesman?
278 ORION
It’s not that the bond
is blocked. Didn’t you get the memo? I sent it to the Rabbit.
279 EVRYN
Unfortunately, the
Chinchilla (TM) ate it and then pooped all over your house.
280 ILLYBRIUS holds up a scraggly piece of paper.
I have it right here.
281 EPIPHANY
[I'm surprised there was still a piece that big.]
282 ORION
Good. I’ll see if I can
get her to take a drink.
283 EPIPHANY
[I know that first-hand Foetal Alcohol Syndrome IS a thing.]
284
5 minutes later
285 ILLYBRIUS
I read the document.
286 ORION
Well?
287 ILLYBRIUS
Mental barriers. Mind’s
probably trying to protect itself from further damage. Don’t know what to do.
288a-1 EPIPHANY
[Who's inflicted massive mental trauma on the weeaboo this
time?]
288a-2
enter SIGYN
288b. SIGYN
I mean, I probably did,
retroactively.
288c. EPIPHANY, Santa
Claus Scowl
[WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT.]
289 ORION
I know that. She’s
laying here next to me and she’s almost lifeless. I don’t know when the last
time she ate or drank was and she hasn’t moved since I let her out.
290
>CUE MUSIC: Who Let the Dogs Out?
291 ILLYBRIUS
Can you try to get her
to drink something? Water?
292 USAGI
With the old
razzledazzle?
293 OVD
Usagi, do YOU want to have to sit in the
Thinking Room with the Thinking Cap and the Thinking Lights and the Thinking
Music?
294 USAGI
That depends. What's
the Thinking Music?
295 OVD
Nicki Minaj.
296 USAGI
OH GOD NO.
297 ORION
I have. Ever since I
let her out but it’s almost like having a living doll laying her next to me.
298 EVRYN
Oh, I’d like to see
that.
299 ORION
What?
300 EVRYN
a) A living doll laying
Akuma next to you.
b) On second thought, no.
No one wants to see Akuma get laid ever.
301 ORION
Laying HERE!
302 EVRYN
Oh. Well, why didn’t
you just say so?
303 ORION
If she wasn’t
breathing, I would probably think she’s dead.
304 EPIPHANY
[I take offense to that statement.]
[But Onion, can you think of any reason in your recent behaviour
that could possibly be the cause of this?]
305 ORION
I don't think. I just
fuck and do.
306 ILLYBRIUS
What can we—?
307 ORION
I honestly don’t know.
I’ve been trying since late yesterday evening. When I let her out, I couldn’t
get near her at first, but about halfway through the night, the barrier dropped
and that was how I found out about your daughter.
308 EVRYN
Cool story, bro.
309 ILLYBRIUS
Need more water.
310 EVRYN
You drank the cooler
water filled with "Razzledazzle"? Are you going to b— wait, since
when do I care?
311 ILLYBRIUS
Peppercorn?
312 ORION
NO, YOU ASS! AKUMA’S
CHILD!
313 EPIPHANY
[Seriously, man. This is one of CORRI'S bogus jerkoffs talking.
He shouldn't need to disambiguate further.]
314 ILLYBRIUS
No… no, Akuma’s child?
It’s a girl?
315 ORION
Yes. It’s a girl. This
was a bad idea.
316 EPIPHANY
[Everything to do with you is a bad idea.]
317 ORION
We’ll come back later
when you’re sober.
318
>CUE MUSIC: Sober by P!NK
319 EVRYN
a) If he said that to me,
he’d NEVER come back.
b) OVD, can we—
320 OVD
No.
321 EVRYN
Dammit.
322 ILLYBRIUS
I’m sobering up. Water
helps.
323 EVRYN
I can't believe the
cooler water actually helps you.
324 EPIPHANY
[What the hell IS "Razzledazzle"?]
325 DREPANON, streaking
through the studio
IT
BUUUUUURRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNS!
326 SIGYN
... Hot.
327 ILLYBRIUS
Halfway through the
night, the barrier dropped. Do you know what caused it?
328 EPIPHANY
[Rolling blackouts.]
329 ORION
I think she just ran
out of power due to the child. But then again, she could have just shut down
again.
330 ROSEMARY
For the love of
Cthulhu, pull the plug and keep it pulled!
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